(Closed) Guests swapping plus ones…what would you do

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I’d say no. This happened with one of our guests–she asked if she could bring her boyfriend (we said yes, since we didn’t know that he existed/was that serious before then ;), and then when something came up and he couldn’t make it, she asked if she could bring a local friend instead. We had to say no to that–Mr. S knows the friend, but there are a lot of people we left off the guest list that would have come before her!

Post # 4
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

 She is already putting in the effort and expense to come to your wedding from out of state. If she knows no one at the wedding than yes but, if she has other friends there than no.

Post # 5
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I know you weren’t expecting him, but because of the way she handled asking you, I would def say yes to her.

Post # 6
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Unless you REALLY REALLY hate him and she knows a lot of other people at the party, I would let her. In my opinion, the point of a plus one is to make sure someone who doesn’t know a lot of people at the wedding feels comfortable and has fun. So, it’s not about the “plus 1” but about your friend and what makes her happy. 

Post # 7
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

In a situation like this, to me, it comes down to cost. If not having him means you get to add an extra cool bit to your wedding I say tell her no. But if having him doesn’t really make a difference cost-wise, why not? Also, if your friend wouldn’t have anyone to hang out with but him, I would allow it. I am having a small wedding too, 50 people, and I don’t know my close friend’s girlfriend very well but I’m giving him a plus one because he’d have no one to talk to he’d just be sitting there alone the whole time! Hope everything works out OK 😀

Post # 9
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Sorry to intrude on your post, but what would you do if the friend lived near the wedding and RSVP’d for a 3rd person, when only 2 seats were saved for said friend? Friend knows 10 adult guests (plus kids) very well.

Post # 10
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Remi, I would call them and explain that you’re sorry, there just isn’t space at the reception for guests to bring their own random guests (who does this? how rude).  ‘Space’ is such a good thing to blame it on since it’s not easily defined and yet can’t be changed. 

Post # 11
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think it’s very strange that she wants to bring someone else, but you did have a seat reserved for her and her boyfriend so it doesn’t change your numbers any. If she was bringing someone totally random, I’d say no anyway, but like you said, there are some good reasons for her and for you if she has someone to hang out with.

Post # 12
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with poster stating it all relates to costs, can you afford an extra random person without it costing you something dear in the wedding; if not then go ahead, otherwise you are not obligated, no matter how nice she asked or how far she’s traveling…I get really irritates by people making “demands” of the bride and groom as if the day is about them…..if it’s such an inconvenience for the guest to come without the +1, then decline….afterall I thought the wedding was about the bride/groom and guests being honored to witness their union

Post # 13
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ordinarily, I would say let her, since you had already reserved the two seats for her and her SO.  However, in this case, since your wedding is on the small side, I would say no.  There’s probably other people you would rather have at your wedding, and since it sounds like she knows other people, I’m sure she will be fine. 

 

Post # 14
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have mixed feelings on this because I get where you are coming from, but you invited this girl WITH A GUEST, and I don’t feel like you get to dictate who that guest is.  We have a couple of friends who because they are traveling we gave a plus one to and they are bringing total strangers to our wedding.  I’m not going to worry about it because I’m going to be so busy that how much time am I really going to spend with them?  Atleast I know my guests will be happy and comfortable while I’m busy being a bride. 

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If you invited her with a guest, she gets a guest. Even if that guest was supposed to be her boyfriend…

Post # 16
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hmm.. I think you can go either way. You specifically invited her Boyfriend or Best Friend and he can’t come, and guests who RSVP ‘no’ aren’t just allowed to forward teh invitation along to someone else, that’s not how it works. But your friend is traveling from out of town and I’m assuming doesn’t know anyone, so it would be a nice gesture on your end to let her. Plus, she asked really nicely and isn’t being pushy. So either decision you make is totally justified. If I were you, I would let her.

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