(Closed) Guests that I "forgot"

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
12956 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you could have a uniform answer for everyone, along the lines of “Due to budgetary restraints (or venue capacity restrictions), we have had to limit or guests lists.  We look forward to celebrating many happy years of marriage with everyone, but had limited our guest list to our nearest and dearest family and friends who we see often” or something like that.  Just don’t start making exceptions, because you’ll end up with even more hurt feelings.

Post # 4
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m torn on this issue. One on side, I sort of understand the reception/after party thing but it does seem a little strange to do both a small reception and then a barbecue on the same day. Why not just skip the brunch and party it up at the barbecue? The only way I would keep the brunch is if you limited it to 20 guests, or just the wedding party, or something like that…I think 80 is a little too much to call it small and private.

On the other side, I would have stuck with the “all or none” rule…if you invited both her brother AND her sister, I would say that definitely calls for at least a courtesy invite even though you’re not that close. (I know, its sucks, especially when you don’t want to cave in to tactless potential guests, but I had to bite the bullet and send out a couple).

And on the third side of this little triangle, I totally understand wanting to keep it small and a guestlist explosion comes out of nowhere. It is SO rude for people to ask if they were invited, assume they were invited, or hassle the bride about being invited in any way shape or form. If they aren’t invited to the brunch, they shouldn’t be invited to the ceremony either. I’ve read to invite to the ceremony only is no longer acceptable. If they’re invited to the bbq however, I would actually mail out the invitations to it. I think that way people can focus on what they were actually invited to and not what they’re missing out on. And they also wouldn’t feel like you only invited them to the barbecue because you felt guilty when you saw them in passing or something.

 

Post # 6
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That makes total sense…I know the feeling of having nothing to do. I’m in Northern Maine and the college here doesn’t even have a football team lol. I thought about putting together little “welcome bags” for the few people coming from out of town/state but then I realized there’s really nothing exciting to check out around here….my welcome bag probably would have consisted of bug spray.

Sounds like you have a solid plan! No one told me the guest list would be the most stressful make-you-wanna-scream part of the wedding. If I could go back I would have made a solid list with a solid limit…instead we made cuts just a little before getting the invitations all sent out…then added most of those people back….its a night mare. whatever you do, stay strong 🙂

 

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