(Closed) Guests want to stay in our house/camp in yard on wedding night

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
30399 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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marierenee:  Seriously?  People in rural areas go out to visit each other for dinner and parties all the time. They do not make arrangements for all the guests to stay over, nor do they take responsibility for their transportation. It’s not selfish to ask people to socialize in your home.

I know there is a lot more concern in the USA about liability in what some see as your lawsuit- happy culture, but whatever happened to personal responsibility? Adults should be able to have a good time without drinking over the legal limit or else choose a designated driver.

These invited guests knew about the location when they accepted the invitation and should have taken the initiative to make their own  arrangements.

I suggested a shuttle only because it seems that these so called adults aren’t capable of making their own plans for safe transportation.

Post # 17
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

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Apple_Blossom:  +1. If people are old enough to drink, they are old enough to find a responsible way home. Give me a break – who would ever ask that let alone on someone’s wedding night? OP, say no and don’t feel bad about it either! 

Post # 18
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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sarah74:  I can’t believe people would ask, as if it were a totally normal, acceptable request! Are you kidding me?? WHERE on the invitation did it say “and feel free to couchsurf/pitch tents the night of”?? I would handle it with a long pause and a very confused look, followed by an emphatic, clearly stated NO.

Post # 19
Member
1942 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My dear this is where you have to draw a nice big thick line and say NO WAY!

My FI’s family from out of State automatically assumed they were staying at our house during the wedding festivities. My dumb man (calling him dumb out of love, and being nice too) decided to argue with me because he didn’t think it was such a big deal and he wanted them there. He even said he’ll leave them the keys so they can stay a few days after while we are on our honeymoon! When Future Mother-In-Law caught wind of his ridiculousness she screamed the idea out of him. You gotta love my mother in law….. I have an arsenal of guns in that house and Police equipment, that’s a liability like no other!!!!!! Crazy man…… 

Do NOT let that happen. You don’t want to hold back and be uncomfortable on your one and only wedding night.

Post # 20
Member
15 posts
Newbee

Maybe there thinking (as I was at first) that you’ll be leavin for your wedding night?  It’s highly uncommon for the bride and groom to stay at home instead of leaving for there honeymoon or staying at a hotel 

Post # 21
Member
19 posts
Newbee

julies1949: Seriously. You have people drink in your home & provide them an open bar…….YOU are liable. So either get a shuttle or just have them stay. You can cry.about people being liable for themselves, but if they drink at her home, and die or kill someone else after leaving this wedding, she is liable, meaning she runs the chance of losing her home & everything else. period. 

Post # 22
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee

Hmmmm. NO! I can’t believe people are asking you to stay in your house and hard on your wedding night!

Post # 23
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It strikes me as pretty rude for them to even ask that of you two on your wedding night. I understand the thought process I suppose, it just seems like stepping over a boundary. Camping in the yard is a little less intrusive… but still kinda weird.

In theory they are all grown ups and can figure out how to call a cab or select a designated driver to ensure a safe way home.

 If you can afford it get a taxi service or shuttle bus to the motel for safety’s sake.

Post # 24
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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marierenee:  No, if that were the case every bar in America would be closed.  Yeto perhaps you have an obligation not to over serve someone.  If they are serving themselves you may not even have that liability.  Unless you are providing alcohol to minors which doesn’t seem to be the case.  I would say to at least try to offer some transportation options (whether it’s cabs they pay for or a shuttle you cover).  

Post # 25
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh but say HELL no to people staying over!

Post # 26
Member
6302 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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sarah74:  While I definitely agree that no one should be staying at your house (I too put the kabosh on that for my wedding) it is pretty inconsiderate to plan a rural wedding 20 mintues from the cloest hotel/town and then expect your guests to worry about transportation after drinking. Personally, I would hire a shuttle to bring guests to the house, and then take them back to town. In our area, shuttles for guests are common, and typically around 9pm it’ll start making trips with guests. So the older folks can leave early and those who want to stay and wait for the next trip.

Post # 27
Member
19 posts
Newbee

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kl1987:  Bars have actually been sued for over serving. That’s why bartender’s must be certified. Also, bars have insurance. If she plans not on offering transportation, I highly advise making sure your bartender is certified, and your not just serving guests booze. I would also suggest obtaining insurance for the open bar, as well.  

Post # 28
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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marierenee:  Are you from a rural area?

Am I the only one who thinks that a 20 minute drive is short? 20 minutes is not that far out, especially for more rural areas. Gosh, I don’t even live in a rural area anymore and the last wedding I went to had reception at a local golf course that was easily 15-20 minutes from the closest hotel.

Post # 29
Member
19 posts
Newbee

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Apple_Blossom:  No, I’m from the Metro Detroit area. However, I have been to many rural weddings. People always tend to more drink more at rural weddings, bartenders are typically more laxed in the serving of booze.The bartender left my sister’s wedding at 2 am, and left the booze for everyone (wedding in Franklin Lakes, NJ). When a wedding is rural, at home, or both in this case, there is just another mentality. Therefore, if people stayed, no one really cared. Guests were also provided with a cab (on was called for them). 

 

 

Post # 30
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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sarah74:  no no no no noooooooo! it your wedding night!!!

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