Post # 16
I am in my mid-50’s and never understand this. I am at a stage in life where I attend more funerals (many of my friends and relatives are starting to lose their parents, or someone our age dies). Heck I don’t see anyone wearing black to funerals anymore! I have taken strong notice that the last 6 widows at funerals I have attended weren’t wearing black.
I have worn black to weddings and that includes as MOB for 2 of my girls. I looked and felt great and believe me, there was no mistaking that I was ecstatic about the nuptuals.
If black is fine for the guys to wear, and tons of Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses come in black, then I think it is fine for guests to wear. Now if they show up with a black mourning veil, that’s a whole other story.
Post # 17
Agreed with PPs that you can’t really tell anyone what to wear, as well as you won’t even notice it on the day of! We also had a very casual wedding on a ranch property and my mother-in-law wore a black patterned maxi (that I helped her decide on!). I think she looked great! And she was comfortable. She also had a blue shawl/wrap, so maybe you can suggest something like that if it’s really bothering you?
Post # 18
Thanks all, I guess on the day I won’t even be thinking about it as several suggested. We’re in the UK so March is start of spring, black wouldn’t have entered my head as a guest but I guess a lot of people feel more comfortable in black. Appreciate the responses 🙂
Post # 19
I’m old school southern so I still think all black is rude at a wedding.
But regardless, you are talking about a small wedding with your closest family members. This is something you should be able to talk to them about with being rude at all. If it were my sister, we’d probably be chatting about outfits anyway and Id say something like I hope to see everyone in pretty colors especially you since you look so great in pink. I’d do the same with my mom and then just let the word spread through my family. Many people will be looking for direction anyway so just gently suggest not dictate.
Post # 20
If you don’t wear black to weddings because you make the association with funerals, that is one thing. In fact, Miss Manners and the traditionalists are still against wearing black to weddings. In her most recent wedding related book she makes the point that people all but abandoned the association to mourning until 9/11, when all of a sudden everyone showed up in black to funerals. Supposedly, this meant that the symbolism still remains when times are tough. Meanwhile, Emily Post and others consider the rule to be completely passé. Personally, I see nothing wrong with black as a fashion statement, nor do I see it as a mark of disrespect or disfavor. There are some stunning black dresses that no one would ever dream of wearing to a funeral!
But, unless they seek your guidance, you are not allowed to lecture another adult and you don’t have the right to tell them what to wear.
Post # 21
libraryowl: Black is super normal for weddings now at days! All the girls at my wedding minus my Maid/Matron of Honor and like two ladies wore black. The picture came out fine!
Post # 22
I remember a friend and I had to travel to a friend’s wedding in the summer. It was not informal but it was a summer and early afternoon wedding outside. We both wore black dresses because we were strapped on finances due to the costly travel cost to get to the wedding and we both wanted to give the couple a very nice gift. Black dresses usually are a staple in most closets (especially in the Bay Area). While the black dresses did sort of felt a little bit “heavy”, it didn’t look bad nor did it look anything like a funeral.
Post # 23
Shrink-E-Dink: I think that’s completely inappropriate. People can dress themselves. Unless a venue requires something like black-tie, it is out of line to ever tell your guests how to dress.
Post # 24
As a guest, I wouldn’t want my wardrobe micromanaged like that. Black is a nice formal color for a dress, and I think there will be enough variety to not make it seem like a funeral.