(Closed) Guests wearing black for informal wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: rude to ask guests not to wear black to informal daytime wedding?
    yes it's rude : (59 votes)
    77 %
    not rude but should be their choice : (16 votes)
    21 %
    ask away, it will look like a funeral : (2 votes)
    3 %
    other : (0 votes)
  • Post # 16
    Member
    1837 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I am in my mid-50’s and never understand this.  I am at a stage in life where I attend more funerals (many of my friends and relatives are starting to lose their parents, or someone our age dies).  Heck I don’t see anyone wearing black to funerals anymore!  I have taken strong notice that the last 6 widows at funerals I have attended weren’t wearing black.

    I have worn black to weddings and that includes as MOB for 2 of my girls.  I looked and felt great and believe me, there was no mistaking that I was ecstatic about the nuptuals.

    If black is fine for the guys to wear, and tons of Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses come in black, then I think it is fine for guests to wear.  Now if they show up with a black mourning veil, that’s a whole other story.

    Post # 17
    Member
    2445 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Agreed with PPs that you can’t really tell anyone what to wear, as well as you won’t even notice it on the day of! We also had a very casual wedding on a ranch property and my mother-in-law wore a black patterned maxi (that I helped her decide on!). I think she looked great! And she was comfortable. She also had a blue shawl/wrap, so maybe you can suggest something like that if it’s really bothering you?

    Post # 19
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m old school southern so I still think all black is rude at a wedding. 

    But regardless, you are talking about a small wedding with your closest family members. This is something you should be able to talk to them about with being rude at all. If it were my sister, we’d probably be chatting about outfits anyway and Id say something like I hope to see everyone in pretty colors especially you since you look so great in pink. I’d do the same with my mom and then just let the word spread through my family. Many people will be looking for direction anyway so just gently suggest not dictate.

    Post # 20
    Member
    12119 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    If you don’t wear black to weddings because you make the association with funerals, that is one thing. In fact, Miss Manners and the traditionalists are still against wearing black to weddings. In her most recent wedding related book she makes the point that people all but abandoned the association to mourning until 9/11, when all of a sudden everyone showed up in black to funerals.  Supposedly, this meant that the symbolism still remains  when times are tough.  Meanwhile, Emily Post  and others consider the rule to be completely passé. Personally, I see nothing wrong with black as a fashion statement, nor do I see it as a mark of disrespect or disfavor. There are some stunning black dresses that no one would ever dream of wearing to a funeral! 

    But, unless they seek your guidance, you are not allowed to lecture  another adult and you don’t have the right to tell them what to wear.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3507 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    libraryowl:  Black is super normal for weddings now at days! All the girls at my wedding minus my Maid/Matron of Honor and like two ladies wore black. The picture came out fine!

     

    Post # 22
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee

    I remember a friend and I had to travel to a friend’s wedding in the summer.  It was not informal but it was a summer and early afternoon wedding outside.  We both wore black dresses because we were strapped on finances due to the costly travel cost to get to the wedding and we both wanted to give the couple a very nice gift.  Black dresses usually are a staple in most closets (especially in the Bay Area).  While the black dresses did sort of felt a little bit “heavy”, it didn’t look bad nor did it look anything like a funeral.

    Post # 23
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Shrink-E-Dink:  I think that’s completely inappropriate.  People can dress themselves.  Unless a venue requires something like black-tie, it is out of line to ever tell your guests how to dress.

    Post # 24
    Member
    7905 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    As a guest, I wouldn’t want my wardrobe micromanaged like that. Black is a nice formal color for a dress, and I think there will be enough variety to not make it seem like a funeral. 

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