Post # 1
Hey bees so I wrote a post a few days back about one of my cousins wanting to wear an all white gown to my wedding and was curious if this was considered against ettiquette, it seemed pretty divided. However, something new has arisen and Im curious where others stand on this, wedding guests wearing the same colour dresses as the wedding party knownly?
I have now learned that my other cousin who is upset she wasnt asked to be a bridesmiad is purposefully going to wear burgundy (the colour of the girls gowns) to feel like she is part of the group. I dont care about this because its fine, burgundy is a popular colour anyways and I cant own colours! I wouldnt have even thought anything of it, however, I was told by a family member she is wearing it out of spite so that makes it a little different. I am the first of the “grandkids” to get married so this is all new territory for my cousins and is becoming comical.
So what are your thoughts? I personally wouldnt side eye someone for it but do you think others would?
Post # 2
I have in the past asked what colors the bridesmaids are wearing so as to avoid matching them. However I don’t think I needed to. I just honestly didn’t want to match them for my own sake. It sounds a little weird of your cousin to sort of insert herself into your Bridal Party via the color burgundy, but it’s not offensive. Just kind of weird.
My BMs are wearing black so I imagine half the wedding will be technically violating this rule (if it even exists).
Post # 3
Shes is younger so I think its just an age thing. Im not offended by it at all, I just didnt think of the side-eye thing until the last post so I am curious if people will be giving her side-eye…I dont want to her looked poorly down on because she is really sweet, I just hurt her feelings by not asking her!
Post # 4
I wouldn’t mind if someone showed up in bridesmaids colours because like you said, you can’t own colours – but the fact that she’s doing it out of spite is kind of silly and if gossip got around that that’s the reason she’s wearing it she will just look foolish imo.
Post # 5
I think it’s a terrible demand that guests clothing can’t match the wedding party. Two reasons: 1, some people like to match their partner who may be in the wedding party. 2, people should be able to wear whatever color they want anyway and sometimes you really can’t tell what the colors are going to be. So then you’ve what, committed a faux pas by wearing, say, blue to someone’s wedding? And now they’re chewing you out publicly because of it? We just saw that one last week.
On the other hand, doing it out of spitefulness is just ridiculous and laughable. I think I’d be inclined to ignore her. And I’d probably be spiteful right back – if she’s in a photo with the wedding party, I’d make 100% sure that the girls who are really in the party are holding their bouquets or otherwise obviously involved and she was not.
Anyway no one’s going to side eye her unless she makes a big deal of it on the day and points it out. And that’s her own embarrassing problem. Maybe she’ll learn a valuable lesson about childishness.
Post # 6
In addition to family members wearing white to my wedding, I had a few show up in my BM’s colors as well. Again…not a big deal to me but to do it out of spite is just messed up.
Post # 7
The fact she’s doing this to be spiteful is messed up. However, guests can wear whatever color they like. Hopefully, she keeps her reasons to herself on the big day.
Post # 8
I would say no big deal.
I recently attended my boyfriend’s brothers wedding, and was all set to wear navy until I discovered that the bridesmaids were. I then changed my choice, but I didn’t feel I had to, I just didn’t want people to think I was trying to insert myself into the bridal party- just as your cousin is! It could actually be considered quite sweet she wants to be involved I suppose!
I think the only occasion it would be rude to wear the same colour as the bridal party is if you have specifically been told not too.
On the same note, I was reading this earlier today in which someone has the same issue (second or third story down) and the bride sounds INSANE. Worth a read for the lols!
Post # 9
I attended my SIL’s wedding last summer. I knew her colors, and I had a beautiful Cobalt blue dress I wanted to wear, but it was very similar to the color of the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. I simply wore that for the rehersal dinner, and wore something else for the actual wedding, because I didnt want to offend anyone. If someone wears a color to specifically jab at someone, I think that is quite rude. That being said, if someone comes to my wedding wearing Plum (my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress color) who had no idea of my colors, I cant be mad, they didnt know!
Post # 10
You cannot tell guests what to wear, let alone the color they choose to wear. It is considered PC to choose a color other than white (even thought I think that is a super petty rule) but other than that they can wear whatever they want. As PPs have said…you do not own any color.
Post # 11
I think you’re missing the point of the OP. She is not trying to own the color, she is asking for real opinions.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t side eye it in any other situation (even though I do typically try to pick something to wear that doesn’t match the bridesmaid colors if I know them)- however, in this case she’s made her intentions clear that she’s deliberately doing it to try to look like a bridesmaid. I don’t know if there’s anything you can really do about it without creating more drama but I agree that that’s absolutely not OK for her to do! Hopefully it’ll be more of a reflection on her than on you.
Do you think she might try to do anything else during the wedding to try to weasel her way into the bridesmaid group (like trying to get into pictures, etc.?). That’s what I’d be concerned about.
Post # 13
….not at all missing the point. I stated that nobody owns a color so it shouldn’t be an ettiquette fauxpas to wear the same color as the wedding party. My “real opinion” is that there’s nothing wrong with guests wearing the same color. What part of that sounds like I missed the point?
Post # 14
My bridesmaids and flower maidens were all in mismatched blues. It would have been near impossible for our guests to avoid dressing like a bridesmaid in a situation like that. I think 30% of our female guests were wearing a shade of blue. NBD. Only one other person wore a long bridesmaid-y dress in blue. This sort of made me laugh because she did it for the same reason as OP! She was pissed she wasn’t a bridesmaid, so she decided to just dress like one. I wouldn’t wear an old bridesmaids dress to a wedding if I know they’ll be wearing the same color, just in case, but that’s just me.
As far as white goes, don’t. wear. white. to. a. wedding. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t look bridal or if its got a pattern. No white.
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
I think every bride and wedding is different. My cousin’s wedding colors were ebony and ivory and she asked the guests to dress in those colors, so we were all in black and white. I never knew about not dressing in the same colors as the bridal party until my SIL’s fall wedding a couple years ago. The bridesmaids all wore colors of fall leaves (one had a yellow dress, orange, red, etc.) and I was going to wear something burgundy but my friend warned me not to wear something that might make me look like I was trying to be in the bridal party, which I have zero desire to do again, with the exception of my sister(s) future weddings. I wore black and called it a day. I’d rather err on the side of caution than step on any toes. If I knew that your cousin was planning to match your bridal party out of spite, that would get a side-eye from me. But if I were just an unaware guest, I probably would think it was a coincidence or not a big deal. Now if she were to show up in a stark white dress, that would raise an eyebrow lol