(Closed) Guests wearing white to your wedding?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 92
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think I’d really care in the whole scheme of things. However, I don’t anticipate any of my friends doing this and in FI’s culture, black is an acceptable and usually default (if you are not close family of the couple) wedding color so I anticipate more black than white. I would be more offended by jeans than white.

Post # 93
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I probably won’t even notice what my guests wear.  I was originally going to put “cocktail attire” on our reception website.  However, NotFroofy reminded me that some of our geeky male friends don’t even own suits.  We’d rather have them there and dressed weirdly than not have them there, so we changed it to “party attire.”  And if anyone wears white, black, or red, it’s fine by us.

Post # 94
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Kindred Oaks, Georgetown

I think it’s kind of rude but if someone chooses to then they are probably gonna feel embarassed when they get there. Everyone will be staring at them trying to figure out why they are wearing white. Everyone knows that color is for the bride and the bride alone on their wedding day!

Post # 95
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The only time I ever seen anyone get upset by another guest wearing white to a wedding, is when it was a very poofy floor length strapless dress with a sash and beading along the hem.  Apparently the girl had a secret thing for the groom and was ready to step in in case the bride stepped out. (seriously) 

I have to say that I would love to see this thread asking the same question about black.  That’s a etiquette thing that I really believe has passed, which is awesome.  I mean, I’ve seen someone wearing black at every single wedding I’ve been to for the last 5 years, and have worn black for at least half of them.  And for late afternoon/evening/cocktail weddings?  It’s totally not considered to be a faux-pas anymore.

Post # 96
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think wearing white to someone else’s wedding is unthoughtful and if done intentionaly v rude! esp if the dress is floor length!  Even my Dad and FI know this.

However white with colours is ok and so is black (I think anyway).

 

Post # 97
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2007

I personally think it depends on who it is. My grandmother got a beautiful off-white dress as a gift from a relative in the UK and she really wanted to wear it but she asked me first and even tried it on for me. At first I wasn’t sure about the idea but when she put it on she looked so beautiful that I couldn’t say no, after all she is my grandmother so I let it slide.

On the other hand, if a friend or family member of my husbands was to do the same I would not feel the same way. My opinion is if you know the etiquette either ask first and respect the bride’s wishes or don’t do it at all!

Post # 98
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i think some people have no idea that it is “rude” to wear whites, creams, off whites, diamond whites, etc to a wedding. I personally find it offensive.

I had a HUGE problem with my soon to be Mother-In-Law. She had chosen a stark white floor length gown to wear to my wedding. I made my Fiance tell her to buy a new dress. She didn’t realise it was rude!!

Post # 99
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

a good friend wore white to mine and it didnt bother me a bit. i think if something so small ruins your wedding day then you are missing the entire point of the day….

Post # 100
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

As follow-up, one of our guests did wear a white top and white skirt to our wedding.  But I’m pretty sure no one thought he was a bride.  😉

Post # 101
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Maybe I hang out with an odd crowd, but none of my friends care if someone else wears white/cream/ivory as long as they’re not wearing a full-on wedding dress.

And until I joined these boards, I had NO IDEA that it was bad etiquette to wear white to another person’s wedding. Becoming engaged doesn’t automatically fill your head with wedding etiquette knowledge!

Anyway, people will be welcome to wear pale colours, white, etc to my wedding… I think it’ll look awesome in the photos to see all that light and brightness! And I’d be the kind of bride who’d kick out the people who’d give my friends the stinkeye because they wore white.  Laughing

Post # 102
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@bellenga: would love to see the gowns!!!

Post # 103
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I saw this and needed to vent.

The female guest/date of my husband’s best friend wore white to my wedding. It still bothers me til this day. Granted, we had a black tie formal wedding and I had asked for the guests to follow evening wear, but white wasn’t one our wedding colors of brown, black and dark creamy ivory.  At the rehearsal the prior night, my husband’s best friend warned us that his date’s dress was a bit lighter than cream, a mishap.. She had the dress made for the wedding. He thought we should know they had tried to find another dress the past three weeks, but couldn’t. They had traveled far from Hong Kong.  Trying to be understanding, we said it was fine as long as it wasn’t white. Of note, I would die before I would ever where white to someone’s wedding. So, I expected the same.

When I saw the dress on my wedding day, the dress wasn’t a summer dress or a dress with prints. It was a full length, stark diamond white dress with chiffon, rhinestones and glitter straps and a bedazzled sash…..

???! I didn’t want to be rude. I didn’t want to jeopardize my husband’s relationship with his best friend. The future wouldn’t have pretty and unnecessarily sad. I made the decision. I really didn’t want it to ruin my wedding day, but it was harder than it needed to be. I bit my tongue, smiled, and tried to enjoy my wedding day.. There was already a lot already going on. My only sister became so ill she couldn’t travel and wasn’t there.  My father was not there,since my parents had divorced. I had my mother, but not many close family/friends on my side.  The wedding party was overwhelming the groom’s side. Many I had never met. It was the most wonderful day of my life, but I did feel a little alone that day. If my sister had been there as we talked later, she wuold have kindly given her a colored scarf/cover up.

Later on during the reception, she and my husband’s best friend had caught the bouquet and boutinniere. So, it’s customary to take pictures side by side. My reception dress was a light laced, non bouffant floor length bridal medium ecru dress with light detailing. In our wedding pictures, it was really hard to tell who was the bride with her holding the bouquet. Other unrelated hotel guests would come up to congratulate her…

I understand people may be oblivious to etiquette with American culture being different from other cultures. However, I, like her, am also Asian, where white is considered a color of death in Chinese/Vietnamese culture (hence why my dresses were not stark white), so it makes me question her integrity in choosing that color. She could have in the least worn a scarf or had a print on the dress. I would have been okay.

I’ve never said anything about it to her. I never really had the opportunity. There wasn’t a right time.  The couple did get engaged and married following our wedding. The only time I have since seen her, I was in Hong Kong. Since hubby was the best man, I became a bridesmaid in a pre picked pink chiffon, pregnant like bridesmaid outfit . (I hate pink, but it wasn’t my wedding). And recently, they had a baby, so I don’t want to trump that thunder either.  Even though I have hang ups about it, It’s been long enough, that I feel I should let it pass. Would you?

In summary, if any female is remotely considering wearing white to someone else’s wedding to anyone who values traditional American values (where Cinderella fairytales fill your head since childhood) and does not request you wear white, my final plea is please please don’t. It is rude, thoughtless, and hurtful. You will have your opportunity or there are many, many other days where you can wear it. really! Weddings cost a lot at least 5 figures, if not more! You are a guest. Be kind. The day is not about you. Period. Even if you do wear white, at least wear printed scarf!! But you shouldn’t  make the bride be more gracious to you, since it’s not your day and you don’t deserve it.

And because I grew up with Cinderella, I like happy endings. For me,  I’ve luciky had enough photoshop skills to photoshop her wedding dress brown for my wedding album.

Thanks for reading, sorry for the length. I appreciate any of your thoughts.

Post # 104
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t know whats such a big fuss. If the attention should be all about the bride, be sure to only invite ugly guests to your wedding because any pretty hot girls will take away some attention from the bride and will be checked out by all ladies and men at the party regardless of the color of the dress she wears.

Post # 105
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@penguin:Eh, no. Turns out I hardly noticed guests clothing (except the two ladies with open backed dresses).

 

I went through a few photos, and all the little girls wore adorable white dresses, and some people wore white as a top with a colored bottom. Honestly, I could care less–my dress was a winner, and no one was going to have a better one.

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