(Closed) Guests wearing white/ivory to a wedding OK or Not??

posted 12 years ago in United Kingdom
  • poll: is it ok for guests to wear white to a wedding?

    yes, if they have checked with the bride and she doesn't mind

    No, its a unwritten rule, white/ivory is for the bride only

  • Post # 17
    499 posts
    Helper bee

    My mother-in-law wore a champagne dress to the wedding but I couldn’t really tell her she couldn’t wear it since my in-laws were paying for half of the wedding!  Quite honestly, no one will really notice since everyone will have their eyes on you.  Just don’t have the photographer take many pictures of her…haha.

    Post # 18
    398 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I would never, ever, ever wear white to a wedding!

    But to be perfectly honest, I don’t remember what anyone wore to mine! I have had to look back at pictures to remember!

    Post # 19
    426 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I wouldn’t ever wear complete white to a wedding, but I wore a chocolate brown dress shirt with a white knee length skirt, to my cousins wedding last year. There were a lot of other people there though that did kinda wear white, but trust me I don’t think anyone noticed. My cousin’s wife Helen looked amazing, and everyone told her so. So trust me, they will probably do the same for your wedding.

    Post # 20
    504 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I would never wear all-white to a wedding.  Maybe a white skirt or a dress with some white in it, but never all white.

    I just looked through some pictures and noticed that my parent’s friend was wearing a short white dress at my wedding.  It was pretty casual and not bride-y so it doesn’t bother me.  I also noticed that my husband’s boss’s wife wore a cream suit.  I remember talking to her for like 15 minutes at the wedding and I didn’t even notice what she was wearing until I looked back at pictures!  It didn’t bother me at all.

    On the other hand, if someone who had a thing for my husband wore white or if someone did it to intentionally be mean, it would bother me because of their intent. 

    I also think there is a HUGE difference between a simple white dress or suit and a long white sparkly ball gown!

    Despit the fact that people wearing white at my wedding didn’t bother me, I still wouldn’t do it b/c I know that some brides might be bothered by it.

    If your aunt doesn’t mean any harm by it, I say let it go.  It’s a suit, not a ball gown, and she already spent money on it!

    Post # 21
    267 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I would never wear white to a wedding.  I’d be a bit annoyed if someone wears white to my wedding, especially if it’s a dressy dress.  I probably wouldnt’ notice if anyone wears white to my wedding, though, but it’s the inconsideration that would bug me.

    Post # 22
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    i agree that you should speak with her, to make sure the rest of her outfit is colorful or otherwise non-bride-y. to put your mind at ease.

    that said, i can’t vote for choice A or B because i don’t really think she’s done anything terribly wrong.

    i think a suit, on an older woman — and, hopefully, with some colorful accessories or a totally non-bride-y hat — is really fine. guests really don’t need someone’s permission (even the bride’s) for what they wear.

    what you don’t want is other women of your age swanning around in long white dresses. that’s what the etiquette is about.

    if you’re upset, tho, do take steps to make it better, so you don’t have to worry about it anymore!

    PS: i actually tried to get my mom to buy a white linen pantsuit.

    Post # 23
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    I would never, ever wear all white OR cream to a wedding that wasn’t my own. It is absolutely an unwritten rule and I am amazed that there is ANYONE in the world who doesn’t know it. And I am sure I will notice and be annoyed if anyone wears white to my wedding, although I wouldn’t comment to them on it.

    I’m sure your aunt means no harm, but someone should let her know that she should probably look for something in a different color. And if she can’t, hopefully you can handle it gracefully and forgivingly, because as much as I would be annoyed in that situation, I’m sure I’d be the only one who cared.

    Post # 24
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Well, as long as it’s not due to a malicious intent, I probably wouldn’t mind as a bride. This rule is not universal. It’s just US weddings. Lots of brides don’t wear white/ivory in the rest of the world. The first wedding I attended to I mistakenly wore white (yikes) because I was ignorant. Oh well.

    In your case, I would not be concern that your aunt will be taking your spotlight  but rather that other guests may gossip about her behind your back or her back. You can just bring up this unspoken culture rule to her to see what she thinks. If she doesn’t care about what other ppl think and isn’t open to wearing other dresses, you may have to let it go.

    Post # 25
    49 posts
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I wouldn’t mind. I think people can tell the difference between the guests and the bride. Unless you’re wearing a suit, that is!

    Post # 26
    8375 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Always a no-no in my book. And I totally noticed who wore white at my wedding. It’s kind of obvious when only the bride is wearing all white, ya know?

    Post # 27
    73 posts
    Worker bee

    I think it’s a big no no and would never do even try it. But some people either don’t care or don’t know about this “rule” and wear white.  That said, at my wedding, there were two girls in white dresses and I didn’t notice until I saw them in some pictures a month later.  There were so many things going on that day, that someone wearing white wasn’t even on my radar.  I would avoid the confrontation with your aunt and just let it slide.  You probably will forget about it on that day or it will be so minor, you won’t even care.  

    Post # 28
    1139 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I wouldn’t wear white unless I knew it was ok but it really doesn’t matter. 

    At my wedding one of my friends wore a dress that was mostly white.  I noticed it but only to think, “Ha!  Some girls would flip sh*t over this!”  It’s honestly not a big deal to me. 

    I personally wouldn’t mention anything, or have someone else say something, to my aunt either.  Is it really worth the hurt feelings or drama that might arise?  If it is, then go for it but I’m thinking it’s likely not.

    Post # 29
    2220 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    @brianalaura: Awww. In that case, asd the bride, I wouldn’t be upset. Your poor mom- how stressful for her!

    Other than that, I don’t think its ever okay to wear white/ivory to the cermony. Definitely bring it up with her & ask why she chose a cream colored suit. Maybe she didn’t realize her faux pas? Hmm or maybe after you see it you’ll realize its not as bridal as it sounds 🙂

    Check it out!

    Post # 31
    7 posts
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I saw this and needed to vent.

    The female guest/date of my husband’s best friend wore white to my wedding. It still bothers me til this day. Granted, we had a black tie formal wedding and I had asked for the guests to follow evening wear, but white wasn’t one our wedding colors of brown, black and dark creamy ivory.  At the rehearsal the prior night, my husband’s best friend warned us that his date’s dress was a bit lighter than cream, a mishap.. She had the dress made for the wedding. He thought we should know they had tried to find another dress the past three weeks, but couldn’t. They had traveled far from Hong Kong.  Trying to be understanding, we said it was fine as long as it wasn’t white. Of note, I would die before I would ever where white to someone’s wedding. So, I expected the same.

    When I saw the dress on my wedding day, the dress wasn’t a summer dress or a dress with prints. It was a full length, stark diamond white dress with chiffon, rhinestones and glitter straps and a bedazzled sash…..

    ???! I didn’t want to be rude. I didn’t want to jeopardize my husband’s relationship with his best friend. The future wouldn’t have pretty and unnecessarily sad. I made the decision. I really didn’t want it to ruin my wedding day, but it was harder than it needed to be. I bit my tongue, smiled, and tried to enjoy my wedding day.. There was already a lot already going on. My only sister became so ill she couldn’t travel and wasn’t there.  My father was not there,since my parents had divorced. I had my mother, but not many close family/friends on my side.  The wedding party was overwhelming the groom’s side. Many I had never met. It was the most wonderful day of my life, but I did feel a little alone that day. If my sister had been there as we talked later, she wuold have kindly given her a colored scarf/cover up.

    Later on during the reception, she and my husband’s best friend had caught the bouquet and boutinniere. So, it’s customary to take pictures side by side. My reception dress was a light laced, non bouffant floor length bridal medium ecru dress with light detailing. In our wedding pictures, it was really hard to tell who was the bride with her holding the bouquet. Other unrelated hotel guests would come up to congratulate her…

    I understand people may be oblivious to etiquette with American culture being different from other cultures. However, I, like her, am also Asian, where white is considered a color of death in Chinese/Vietnamese culture (hence why my dresses were not stark white), so it makes me question her integrity in choosing that color. She could have in the least worn a scarf or had a print on the dress. I would have been okay.

    I’ve never said anything about it to her. I never really had the opportunity. There wasn’t a right time.  The couple did get engaged and married following our wedding. The only time I have since seen her, I was in Hong Kong. Since hubby was the best man, I became a bridesmaid in a pre picked pink chiffon, pregnant like bridesmaid outfit . (I hate pink, but it wasn’t my wedding). And recently, they had a baby, so I don’t want to trump that thunder either.  Even though I have hang ups about it, It’s been long enough, that I feel I should let it pass. Would you?

    In summary, if any female is remotely considering wearing white to someone else’s wedding to anyone who values traditional American values (where Cinderella fairytales fill your head since childhood) and does not request you wear white, my final plea is please please don’t. It is rude, thoughtless, and hurtful. You will have your opportunity or there are many, many other days where you can wear it. really! Weddings cost a lot at least 5 figures, if not more! You are a guest. Be kind. The day is not about you. Period. Even if you do wear white, at least wear printed scarf!! But you shouldn’t  make the bride be more gracious to you, since it’s not your day and you don’t deserve it.

    And because I grew up with Cinderella, I like happy endings. For me,  I’ve luciky had enough photoshop skills to photoshop her wedding dress brown for my wedding album.

    Thanks for reading, sorry for the length. I appreciate any of your thoughts.

    The topic ‘Guests wearing white/ivory to a wedding OK or Not??’ is closed to new replies.

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