(Closed) Guests who give no gifts at wedding

posted 4 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 76
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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MrsMaverick13 :  I feel I’ve been misquoted. Here’s me: “Kind of silly that people are acting like knowing who didn’t give you a gift certainly must mean you sat there with your guest list and your hand-written list of gifts and cross-referenced them to know who of your friends suck.”

I never said it was silly not to use a spreadsheet. Plenty of people simply don’t have access or desire to do so. What’s silly is to contend that nobody did, that to know who didn’t give gifts by definition makes you a greedy little nut job.

Post # 77
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

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jennmariee :  Sorry you feel misquoted, I was paraphrasing loosely. 

And this does not apply to you directly and it’s only anecdotal: My opinion is that there are people who care and those who genuinely don’t. Those who care will sometimes care only a little, but some will be upset for years, and absolutely did and do keep track in a “psycho” way. Those people tend to try and justify it and why they just “accidentally” noticed because of a spreadsheet, but you can see from their tone that it was probably less accident, and more they genuinely feel they deserved a gift. You can see examples of that in just this thread, when you consider the subtext.

What I find fascinating about this ever-present debate, is that I typically see that those who don’t care end up with more gifts and cards than those that do. It could be a coincidence, or it could be that the energy that a “grateful-for-anything” type person gives off, makes people want to shower them with love and well wishes, while the energy of the “keep-score” kind of folks, makes people want to withhold. Just my observation. 

Post # 78
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

Meh, the only people I noticed that didn’t get us a gift (and it did hurt a little at the time, but we got over it) was DH’s oldest brother and his wife. We understood, because he was out of a job at the time, but to not even get a card or anything was a little sad.

 

Anyway, other than that, I didn’t really notice except while writing thank you cards. And even then, a few people gave us or sent us gifts after the wedding. We got like…5 or 6 envelopes within the first month of marriage. Sometimes people have things going on and aren’t able to get the gift to you on time, which is understandable. 

Post # 79
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

I think it would depend a lot on the person. I have some friends who don’t have a lot of money, and I would not expect them to give a very large gift, if anything. However, everyone should give a heartfelt card, even if they print it out from ECards.com for free at work. It’s the thought that counts, as the cliche says. On the other hand, someone who is very wealthy and cheaps out on the gift? That would bother me. 

Post # 80
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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RosaBride :  I don’t remember who gave gifts and who did not, but I know I didn’t send out as many thank you notes as I did wedding invitations by a LOT. I don’t care. I was super happy people came and celebrated with us. I know that the 2 hour travel time for most of my family was a hassle and many of them ended up staying overnight. I did not expect a present on top of that. 

Post # 81
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

I’d definitely notice, but I don’t think I’d hold it against them– like, it would register, and then I’d just shrug it off. Life happens, who knows their reason for not giving a gift.

Post # 82
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Beautiful place.

I’m was lucky enough to get lists of gifts and money but, I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t get anything or much at all. 

However, I’d feel really bad not to gift anything to the couple. I only expect it from me. 

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