Post # 1
A lifelong family friend is in the midsts of passing away. She is in Hospice, and it could be any moment now. We planned to send out our Save the Dates this week and my dad is very concerned on how to address the Save the Date to the family. This is his childhood best friend’s wife and he wants to be very sensitive to the situation. This is a heartbreaking time for all of us, and we don’t want to make things any harder for their family.
I hate the fact of sending a Save the Date for a wedidng to someone who is losing his wife. It’s so very sad and I love that family as I grew up with 2 of their kids and have known the husband/wife my whole life.
I feel I should wait to send it out for a little bit. What do you think? If we wait to send it out after she passes, do I just address it to the living husband? I just feel like that is wrong even if she is gone. We are not inviting the whole family, so I cannot address it that way either.
Any advice on how to handle the delicate situation would be appreciated. Thank you.
Post # 3
Address the invite as though they are both able to attend. It lets them know that you are thinking of them and that if they could attend, they would. Honestly, no one knows how long they will still be around so don’t dwell on that. Focus on the fact that both are still here.
Post # 4
I agree, address it as they are both able to attend.
Post # 5
Oh dear. 🙁 I think I would just make sure the husband knows when the wedding is (have your dad to mention it to him) and avoid sending one altogether. It might rub salt in their wounds to know that she won’t likely be alive by your wedding date as it will be just another thing she will be missing out on/just another thing they will have to experience without her.
Post # 6
@Juliepants: Yes, that’s what I’m afraid of.
I love the idea of sending it to them both, because we are thinking of her and wishing she’d be able to attend. However, it’s only a matter of time (Hospice had all her kids individually say goodbye to her last night, as they didn’t think she would wake up today. She did, thank goodness).
I would probably wait to send out the Save the Date either way (maybe not send it at all depending on my dad’s thoughts), but I’m still wondering how to address the invite down the road if she is gone. Do I address it: “Mr. Blank & Guest”, just “Mr. Blank”? It just seems like such a sensitive thing…
Post # 7
I agree with Juliepants, I would avoid sending the Save The Date, just have your dad speak to his friend and let him know when the date is. When time comes for the invitation the wife will probably pass away by that point in time and you will just address the invite to the widower.
Post # 8
If you’re sending it while she is still alive I would address it to both of them and maybe write a little note about how if either or both cannot attend in person you know they will be there in spirit. If you’re send it after she passes I would send it to just him (I’m not sure why but “and guest” seems like a bad idea) and also write a little note about how sorry you will be that she won’t be able to be there in person, but that you’ll be thinking of her. If you want him to feel free to invite someone I would have your dad tell him that he’s welcome to bring a guest if he would like. It’s a horrible situation but everyone understands that life moves on, even in such a tragic time so I don’t think it’s wrong to send the save-the-dates, but a note would be nice.
Post # 9
You don’t send the invites out until 6-8 weeks before the wedding so you will know by that time if she is still alive or not. If she is gone at that point, just address it to her husband. For right now, she’s still alive so it would be hurtful to both of them to act like she’s gone already.