Guilt over the cost to attend my wedding

posted 3 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
1743 posts
Bumble bee

futuremrsw7784 :  Could you suggest airbnb to them? That’s usually cheaper than hotel rooms. I think it’s rude that they are telling you all of that. What are you supposed to do? Change your wedding because they complained after invites went out? I thought the whole point of Save the Dates was to give people a heads up on planning. They should’ve just politely declined.

Post # 3
Member
9736 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

A wedding invitation is just that an invitation not a summons. If people can’t afford it then they should politely decline not complain about how much it costs. It’s thier choice whether to come to not and it was thier choice to wait longer to book things. You don’t need to keep adding things to make it more “worth it” for them to come.

Post # 4
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee

Considering your wedding is booked, there isn’t anything you can do about it. The reasons you state are why I personally hate destination weddings. I will go if they are my super close friend, but it means I won’t be taking any other vacation that year. I’m presently searching for the best rates to go to one of my best friend’s weddings in NC (7 months away, just got STD), and right now for Darling Husband and I to stay two nights and get flights and a rental car is going to cost us nearly $2,000, not including things like parking/gas/food/etc. It’s really hard to stomach, though I’ll do it for her. 

That said, remember an invitation is not a summons. If people can’t afford it, they’ll decline. The best you can do is try to have as many hosted events as possible to defray costs, or offer to pay for close friends/families to travel there.

Post # 6
Member
6776 posts
Busy Beekeeper

futuremrsw7784 :  If people are waiting until April to book a May trip they are going to be paying top dollar no matter where the wedding is and it’s not as if you are asking them to travel out of the country. Typically at least some of the guests have to travel for a wedding. It’s rude for them to complain to you about cost.

If adding a light breakfast/brunch or somehow providing some drinks before or after the wedding makes you feel better, fine, but most other additions will go unnoticed. 

Post # 8
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

Sadly I will be missing my best friends wedding because she is having a destination wedding. She gave 2 years notice, but she said it would be $2000 per person! Which we are spending that much on our honeymoon, but $4000 for someone else’s wedding is crazy! I went to my sisters in Jamaica when I was in college, but my mom paid… so now my fiancé and I are getting married this year, paying for it and the honeymoon all ourselves and want to save for a down payment on a house and are thinking I may either be pregnant or just have given birth by the time her wedding will be coming around. 

So no matter what, since it is a destination wedding for all of your guests, but make sure you account for a smaller attendance. I have made comments about how she may need to fill my spot as a bridesmaid,  but I never told her not to have a destination wedding, it’s what they want and I think it’s a great idea when you want a small wedding.

Post # 9
Member
6635 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

futuremrsw7784 :  we had a similar problem, though there was no way around it unless we made just one side of the family spend all the money (opposite coasts, we’re in the middle).  So we sucked it up and invited them all out our way.  Then, for the less established guests, who were generally our own age, we purchased the rooms for a night or two.  That helped ease their expenses and we kept our wedding exactly as we wanted it rather than adding filler to make it “worthwile”

Post # 10
Member
2930 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

futuremrsw7784 :  I don’t mean to come across as rude, and I’m sorry for your FI’s mother’s passing, but you had to know going into it that having a wedding Memorial Day weekend was going to cost $$$$$$.  How was it that your family was able to book flights more than a year ahead of time?  You can’t blame people for waiting until the last minute whether or not you sent a STD.  Many people don’t know if they can get the time off until right before (I have friends whose jobs are like that) and they probably didn’t realize just how expensive things would be.  I live outside a big Midwest city and I think $300 – $600 for a room is ridiculously expensive.

That being said, can you offset some of the costs for your guests?  My FI’s parents gifted us a generous amount of money and we are using some of it to pay for our guests’ hotel rooms, as all of FI’ family lives out of state and would have to travel to our city.

Post # 12
Member
2930 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

futuremrsw7784 :  Well I think people are rude saying that to your face, but they obviously are in shock of the cost.  Doesn’t make it right, but I guess it is what it is.

I would try to throw more stuff in.  If you cannot afford to help offset their cost even a little bit, how do you have the money to try to do “more”?

Post # 13
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Ahhh I can relate, Bee. Our guests were spread out so we were in the same boat – it would have been a destination wedding for most of the guests no matter where we had it. And we did get complaints from a couple of guests who demanded to know why we weren’t having the wedding where THEY lived (not even where we lived!).  

I would prepare a polite response along the lines of “With our guests so spread out, there was really no way to make the wedding easy for everyone to attend. We would love to see you there but completely understand if you can’t attend.” But more importantly, try your hardest to not let this bother you. Do not let this steal your joy, this is a special time!  Because honestly, certain people will find something to complain about no matter what you do. 

Post # 14
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

As you said, it would have been destination for most people wherever you had it. You did your best and can’t change now! It’s not fair of then to complain to you about it, especially if they’re leaving it this late. They weren’t forced to go! 

Post # 15
Member
12229 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

If FI’s family is from Savannah, by definition it’s not a destination wedding. That would be true if neither family nor the couple lived near the venue.  I think you just have to accept that some people will be unable to travel. But you really have nothing to feel guilty about.

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