Guilt over the cost to attend my wedding

posted 3 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 31
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You gave plenty of notice AND it sounds like you told everyone to book ASAP and researched accomodation options! I think it’s incredibly tacky for guests to mention how much they spent – even if they don’t intend to be rude.

It’s not like you’re going to some remote island that costs $$$$ and even then, plenty of people choose to get married in faraway destinations abroad or even in Hawaii. Do people dispute whether destination weddings are “selfish” or not? Yep, I hear people argue about it all the time. At the end of the day, you had a VERY legit reason to choose the destination that you did. It’s where he’s from, I wouldn’t even consider it a “destination” wedding. The choice of a holiday weekend? Well, obviously it IS going to be more expensive travel-wise… but on the flip side people won’t have to take days off work, so in some ways it is easier.

At the end of the day, you don’t need to feel bad. This wedding is about you and your fiancé. Yes, when you choose a holiday weekend…or a place that requires people to travel, you can’t get upset if certain people can’t come due to costs, no matter how much they care about you. It’s just the way it is. On the flip side, no one should be “guilt-tripping” you by telling you what they spent (even if they don’t realize what they’re doing) – if they can’t afford to travel, I’m sure you’d understand!

 

This will be a fun getaway for a lot of your guests! You aren’t forcing anyone to come, an invite is not a mandate. 

Post # 32
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

farmfreshjoy :  But if the groom is from Savannah then it’s not really a destination wedding is it? I mean it’s nice that Savannah just happens to be a beautiful tourist spot, but I don’t think it’s fair to feel guilty over the location at least. In my mind destination weddings are for places outside of the mainland home country. Maybe it’s because my family and friends are scattered all over the country so flights are just part of an annoying reality for us, but I would not consider flying to Georgia a hassle if you gave them sufficient notice.

Post # 33
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If the bride and groom are from different towns and their families still live there, people are going to have to travel. Anyone who complains about that is crazy.

I mean, what is the couple supposed to do? Have multiple weddings? We all know how fondly those are looked on the Bee.

OP, I assume your guests are adults. They could have booked when they received save the dates. They didn’t. They can deal.

Post # 34
Member
862 posts
Busy bee

futuremrsw7784 :  Anytime there’s air travel for a wedding, I expect to pay at least $400 each on airfare and $600+ on a hotel. I wouldn’t worry about it. I think those costs are pretty standard. Your wedding sounds gorgeous in Savannah 🙂

Post # 36
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

its tough…. I don’t think that you did anything “wrong” persay but this is why generally people suggest skipping holiday weekends – it is just much more expensive to travel at that time, there can be hotel minimum stays (like you need to do 3 nights vs just being able to stay one night) and of course prices for everything just go up.

personally I probably would have made sure that I got a hotel block even if I had to put out a deposit but that is just how I/my family is when it comes to things like this…. the host should  ensure that there is reasonable accomidations available for people (though if someone waits until like the weekend of or something then too bad)

what’s done is done now and in the end it doesn’t seem like paying for people or canceling the wedding is a reasonable option so just figure out a reply to people and move on…. “oh thats too bad! yes things tend to book up quickly around here and its a very popular location”

out of curiosity did you send out save the dates with info on the hotel situation (or lack or situation?)

Post # 38
Member
12 posts
Newbee

I’m currently in this situation and for me to go to my friends wedding it will cost over $1000 and I will have to take 3 PTO days to go there. On top of that, I won’t be able to bring my fiancé because we are saving for our own wedding. I will say this..no matter how much time in advance you give someone it is always going to be an inconvenience if Someone has to pay to see you get married. No one wants to spend that much money on someone else’s special day. And no, people do not HAVE to go just because they are invited but just as other posters are saying it is rude for people to tell you about the cost …it’s also rude to put your guest in that position in the first place. Not trying to be harsh but I officially see both sides of it since I am in this situation myself (I live in CA and my family lives in OK, so we are having a wedding there instead of making them travel) and because I am a bridesmaid to someone having a really expensive wedding for guest to afford. 

Post # 40
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

“it’s also rude to put your guest in that position in the first place”

It’s a party. Either you can come or you can’t. I would never put someone in a position where they don’t have the wedding they want because I can’t make it. 

 

Post # 41
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

You should check out Allegiant Airlines as well, which flies out to Savannah/Hilton Head Airport! When my boyfriend lived in South Carolina I would use that to fly into Myrtle Beach and then bus to Charleston all the time. Super cheap flights (as long as you don’t fall for their luggage and seat selection tricks!).

The other thing you can do is promote your wedding weekend as a family’s annual vacation. Hilton Head and Savannah are beautiful in May.

Good luck!

Post # 42
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

raylovesmae :  I’m in this situation too. My family lives in CA, his family is East Coast, we live in MD and are having the wedding in MD. It doesn’t matter what we do – someone is gonna have to travel. You’re going to have to put someone “in that position.” I’m glad it works out for you, but for many of us, we can’t please everyone so don’t put someone down because their families’ are scattered to the wind. 

She gave them a year of notice of the date and 6 months for the STD, that was plenty of time to book before the prices went up. I’m on Labor Day weekend and my schedule of notification is much the same for all my out-of-towners. And the responsibile ones have booked, and I’m reminding weekly the ones who haven’t. There’s only so much you can do.

futuremrsw7784 :  Girl, I feel ya. Don’t let them get you down. Have you tried suggesting other forms of transport than plane for the closer ones? Is Savannah on an Amtrak line? And could you post more ‘economy’ bookings on your website that are father away from the venue with the intention that they will need to rent a car (Savannah’s not too walkable outside the historic district, so I assume most will be renting a car)?

Post # 43
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

futuremrsw7784 :  I couldn’t help but notice the 7784 in your handle. Is that your bday by chance? If so we’re birthday twins!!

I’m also having a destination wedding over a holiday weekend: 4th of July Weekend in Puerto Rico. Probably about half of the people we invited are attending, and I also overloaded the website with info, helped people find flights and even lodging options once our hotel sold out. The people who can make it will be all that you’ll need. The most important thing is that you, your love, and your closest family are there. If you want to try and accommodate others who can’t make the trip, consider a live stream of the ceremony. Good luck! And happy almost wedding day!

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