(Closed) Guilt Regarding the Guest List? Anyone?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I do feel bad… but we have to draw lines somewhere, right?  One thing that I experienced (and maybe it will be the same for you) is that in the first couple of weeks, all we got were excited "Yes" RSVPs.  Until this week we didn’t have a single person turn us down.  I have to admit that I was getting pretty freaked out.  But this weeks, the straggler postcards are starting to come back and we’re starting to get some "No’s". 

Maybe the same pattern will hold true for you as well, freeing up some space for your FI’s co-workers.  Good luck!

Post # 4
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yes, I was mentioning to my Mom how I feel bad that some of her family is not invited but as Doctorgirl said, we have to draw the line somewhere. Our total number of guests is at 279 (adults & children) right now and that is SCARY! The great thing is that children 6 and under are free so that saves us a bit…but I want to be under 250 when all is said and done.

My problem is that this weekend, fam from Chicago are coming in to town and none of them are invited and July 4th my parents are having this huge bash and there will be quite a few people that are also not invited that will be there and I know the wedding with the topic of many of the conversations because everyone is excited. My wedding was even the topic of a few convos at my cousin’s wedding… CRAZINESS!!

In the end I am sure you will get enough No’s to allow your Fiance to bring in his buddies. Hopefully it all works out for you!

Post # 5
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I would stop allowing guests to tell you that they "need" to bring someone else with them!  I am sure that if you wanted that person there in the first place, they would have been invited.  Respectfully reply that because of budget and space issues, along with your desire to keep the ceremony and reception personal, you cannot allow extra (univited) guests to attend.

I know that police officers can be a very, very tight knit group of co-workers (my mom works at a PD) and I don’t think it’s fair that they can’t go if you’re fiance really wants them there.  They are probably like family to him.

Good Luck!

Post # 6
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m having similar guest-guilt. My parents (who, to be fair, are footing most of the bill) want to invite a lot of "family friends" – people I haven’t seen since I was very young, just because they feel like they need to. I’ve talked to my mom about it and how, while I will obviously do what they want if they insist (don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, right?), I would really appreciate it if they could trim the number of those people down. I understand the etiquette, and many of them are older folks close with my grandmother and my mom growing up, but I feel like why should I have to sacrifice friends of mine I’ve been close to in recent years for people that are essentially strangers? So I’ve had to "B-list" a bunch of people I’d really like to have there, and also not invite certain people with a guest (not the bridal party and married/engaged people), in order to accomodate my parents’ friends. I think it’s kind of BS, but I can’t really do anything about it. My FH doesn’t have this problem and he’s all YOU CAN’T NOT INVITE PEOPLE WITH A GUEST blah blah blah and I’m like don’t even go there with me. You don’t have the same problem I do so just let me handle my side and you handle yours. He backed off me, but still…. Sigh.

Post # 7
3331 posts
Sugar bee

We deliberately kept our wedding small, but there were still people I felt bad about not inviting.  I was only able to include a few of my coworkers and I felt bad that I had to make decisions and cuts between them. 

You know, we experienced the same thing as DoctorGirl–the first few weeks, all we got were "yes" responses.  By the end, almost all the cards were "no" responses.  Maybe the people who aren’t coming are just waiting until later to tell you? 

Post # 8
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m interested in knowing why these guests NEED to invite someone else. What were their reasons?

Post # 9
40 posts
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree…  what are the "necessary" reasons?!  That’s crazy.  The only person at our wedding who will be allowed to bring a guest is my FI’s great aunt – and thats because she needs someone to help her around.  Otherwise, if you’re not married or engaged, your other half is not coming.  With a guest list that started at well over 300 people without guests, we can’t afford to pay for someone’s date who we don’t know.  And I really don’t care to spend the evening with people I don’t know.  Im not going to sacrifice guests that I know and love so that my 3rd cousin can bring a date.  We’ve worked our way down to 266 and probably will still have to take people off.  I can’t do it all at once though… its too hard.

Post # 11
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hi Soon2BMrsMcD,

 My fiance and I are currently in a similar situation.. we want a small wedding and were thinking of inviting at most 70 people. We really only wanted to invite the people who are currently involved in our lives and that we feel love and support us and not invite people out of obligation or "just because." However, my mom has completely different ideas and our list has ballooned from 65 to 120 and most of these are people that our mom’s have added and aren’t people that we either a) know or have met or b) people that maybe at one point were involved in our lives but we haven’t seen in 4+ years. I am just curious how you or anyone in a similar situation handled the "making of the guest list" without getting totally depressed. I mean, do you stick to your guns and just say, 70 is the max, or do most parents end up dictating the guest list anyways?

Post # 12
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It is so very hard to keep your guest list small. The room we have booked will only hold 50, so we absolutely cannot go over that number. We had to be utterly ruthless. His family and friends are all back east and only a few of them can actually make it, so that helps. I invited my immediate family, aunts & uncles, and a few cousins that I am quite close to, and my very closest friends. I feel a certain amount of guilt because there are many more people that I would have liked to invite, but seriously, it was either stay under 50 or be well over 200, which we simply could not afford. We bought a house this spring, and have to finance my move across the country, and we just can’t splash out in a big way for the wedding. Small as it is, it’s still costing more than we expected!

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