Post # 1
My fiancé and I are in the process of choosing our wedding party. We have mixture of friends and family (one of his sisters will be a bridesmaid and my brother a groomsman), but I am having an internal debate about one person. I have to confess first that my younger sister (16 years old) and I have never really gotten along. She can be very difficult, and will even act out at times, this is often the case when any attention is diverted away from her, so I worry about how she would act before and during my wedding as a part of the bridal party. However, I feel extremely guilty including my fiancés sister (who I am extremely close with) and my brother in the wedding, but not my own sister. I do love her, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings, but I am very worried about the problems she could cause on my wedding day.
<div style=”color: #454545; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;”> </div>
<div style=”color: #454545; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 19px; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;”>Has anyone else had this dilemma? I’d really appreciate the advice! </div>
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
This really is such a personal decision. Maybe talk to Fiance and your family about it. Would she be offended? Maybe you can include her to do a reading or something that makes her involved iwthout being a bridesmaid?
Post # 3
luckyinlovell: For me personally, my siblings would have to be violent drug abusers to not be included in our wedding, but luckily they are not (they are also older than your sister, early to mid twenties). It’s very unusual in my family/social circle to not include siblings, I would consider whether that is true in your own. If you’re worried about her being dramatic and attention seeking, I’m sure she’ll be that way regardless of whether she’s in your Bridal Party and may cause more drama if she feels excluded.
Post # 4
You are having doubts about having her be a bridesmaid so…don’t have her be a bridesmaid. Sure she is your sister, however if she is just going to cause drama and you don’t want her next to you the day of, find a different role that she could fill. Maybe she could read or be an usher or whatever.
Post # 5
I think you’ll be setting yourself up for problems and drama if you ask her, knowing up front she can be immature and ill mannered. I predict at least 3 new posts detailing what a bridesmaidzilla she is before you’re even married. Include her, but as ljm308 suggested in a different role.
Post # 6
You cant choose your FI’s sister and not your own IMO… talk about destroying your relationship.
Post # 7
There is no way, unless my sister or brothers were the most unspeakable creatures on earth, that I’d not include them in my wedding so I’m probably not a good person to provide advice.
That being said, it’s your day and you need to do what makes you happy and least stressed.
Post # 8
luckyinlovell: What exactly are you afraid she’s going to do? If she’s a typical teen, the worst she’ll do is make herself look slightly foolish. In which case, who cares, that’s on her and maybe your parents. You don’t HAVE TO have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man of course, but I think it would be very hurtful and is likely to have a negative impact on your relationship going forward. All teenagers are annoying and act out. There’s a very good chance she’ll outgrow it and you could have a great relationship once you’re both adults. If you exclude her now though, she might see it as you not caring about her and you’ll just continue to grow apart. There are no guarantees either way, but unless her behavior goes way beyond typical teen, I’d just ask her.
Post # 9
Could you give her a different role in the wedding? Perhaps, doing a reading during the ceremony?
Post # 10
I really think you have to include her. You aren’t close now but she’s only 16. Most 16 year olds are difficult at times – their brains aren’t even fully formed! Not including her could seriously jeapordize your liklihood of being close as an adult. I wasn’t close to my sister when we were teenagers either but in our 30s, we’ve become really close.
Post # 11
How old are the other potential bridal party members? If she’s the only one under 21 or even 18, perhaps you could use that as a reason. having something concrete like that might help avoid hurt feelings.
If I were in her shoes, I would be hurt less there was some real reason.
Post # 12
luckyinlovell: I think you need to decide what is worse – a cumulative total of about an hour or two of drama over a few months if you make her a bridesmaid or the years of drama and the possible ramifications on relationships if you don’t make her a bridesmaid.
And most 16 year olds think the world shoukd revolve around them, you probably did at that age too no matter how much you deny it.
Post # 13
Blood does not make family. If you don’t feel close to her and think she will cause issues, then don’t.
Post # 14
I would include her. Leave it up to her to accept or decline. She may feel resentful if you do not even ask. At 16 she probably will not be able to participate in the Bachelorette party or even contribute much to the shower. All she will be required to do is behave on the day of your wedding. Not even an attention seeking sister can steal your spotlight on your wedding day.
j_jaye: I second
Post # 15
I think it would be very very hurtful not to be included when a sister in law is. While it is your choice, I would guess doing that to a 16 year old girl would cause some irreparable damage. If she were older she would likely understand. If she were younger she wouldn’t expect it. 16 is a rough age for that sort of thing though. I agree with the poster who said that a 16 year old, no matter what, most likely thinks the world revolves around herself. But I’d probably pick her and ignore her nonsense than risk ruining the relationship permanently. If you don’t pick her, you can bet your ass she’ll make that all about herself, too and probably cause worse problems.