(Closed) Guilty Feelings About Bridal Party

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
255 posts
Helper bee

luckyinlovell:  She’s 16 years old. She’s growing up and we all go through that rebel stage. In my opinion by you not including her it’s going to hurt her feelings and it would be really sad……regardless of how you guys feel toward on another when you fight that doesn’t mean she shouldnt be apart of you’re special day.

Post # 17
470 posts
Helper bee

The other thing to think about —

Usually teenagers act out because they want to be thought of as adults. They don’t realize that being treated like an adult follows acting like one. With my own cousins, who I have in my Bridal Party, I wasn’t necessarily worried about their immature behavior, but more aware that they would be acting like 17 year olds. But, when we were trying on dresses with the other BM’s (late twenties) they were acting totally different than they normally do. I think they took on the cues of my friends, and wanted to be like them. Maybe this will happen to your sister.

You could even talk to your SIL about it, have her be aware of the situation, and maybe she can manipulate a bit — “I’m really worried luckyinlovell is going to be so stressed. Let’s team up and make sure XYZ doesn’t happen, or bother her”. In turn, treat her a little more adultish — even invite her out to lunch with your adult friends — and see what happens. It might work. It would be better to do this than to, for example, say “please don’t be immature on my wedding day” because she will immediately deflect.

Post # 18
1149 posts
Bumble bee

Well if you weren’t ever close to her it isn’t much of a problem I think. My brothers and I were not part of my older brother’s wedding in any way and we enjoyed being guests. It’s not like we have a close relationship so that dynamic never changed. My brothers were relieved to not have to help plan (guy things?)

Post # 19
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

If you really don’t want to include her, you could tell her that you only want legal adults in the wedding party for insurance reasons or whatever. (She’s sixteen, so… she’ll believe you.) 

I don’t have siblings, so I have no concept of that relationship, but I kinda think you should include her. Perhaps having that honor will inspire her to rise to the challenge. Plus, in twenty years you might have a great relationship and be incredibly close, and you’ll feel regret that she wasn’t standing beside you on your big day.

Post # 20
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Personally I think she will cause more problems being the only one excluded than she will be included. I would be very hurt if I was her and you excluded her.

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