- 8 years ago
I know it’s difficult to say anything without hearing both sides of the story but please I need some advice.
There is this guy I’m seeing for the last 4.5 years. We met on a trip through mutual friends and fell in ‘love’ almost instantly. Later on I came to know that he was still writing love letters to his ex while he was sleeping with me and after that he used to flirt on the phone with another woman. I confronted him about these escapades and he had promised me never to repeat such behaviour. I think he has kept his promise.
He also made mistakes in career decisions, as a result of which he doesn’t have a stable income, although he is 30. He basically lives off his parents and wants to marry me and make me live off his parents, too. If I argue about it, he calls me greedy and materialistic.
He started his own law firm with zero experience and made me his partner ignoring my protests, promising that he would take care of my financial needs (I have a huge student loan that I’m paying off). Later on he reneged on that promise because he never earned enough. Even now he claims he will take care of finances (I’m teaching part time and it’s not possible with my income to maintain a family plus pay my loan). When I ask him how he plans to do this, he becomes defensive and abusive.
He has mistreated me time and again in the past and yet whenever I have complained he said he’s working on the relationship and it’s me who has impossibly high expectations. There are times I lose my patience and say something mean to him for which he stops calling me for days until I call him at least 150 times. Yet, he calls me anything he feels like, because he didn’t mean it – because in his heart he has nothing against me.
He has ruined every occasion for me – be it the New Year or my birthday or Valentine’s Day or whatever…he has never (not exaggerating) cared enough to fulfil any of my expectations from him. Whenever his parents have been around, he has essentially treated me like an outcaste and even called me his mother’s ‘maid-servant’.
His parents have discussed marriage with mine, but always in a high-handed and arrogant manner, which, coupled with his lack of an income and irresponsible nature, have disgusted my parents so much so that they don’t even wish to enter into a dialogue with his folks. But they (my parents) are very supportive towards me and respect my wishes and are going ahead with the preparations for the wedding nonetheless.
The other day my boyfriend informed me that his father has asked me to move to his place (we live in different cities) and register our wedding in court, following which he will throw a reception. My parents are welcome to attend the reception, but there will be no further talks of a wedding between the two families. My boyfriend thinks this to be a good idea. He wants me to be subservient to his parents. But he doesn’t even try to win my parents’ approval and complains endlessly about how his folks have accepted me open-handedly but mine have not accepted him.
Yet, every time we talk he tells me that he loves me a lot and can’t imagine life without me. He has even gone to the extent of saying he won’t marry anybody but me. When he says such things, I can’t help but think if I’m short-selling him and ignoring someone who is truly in love with me because of my own unreasonable nature.
It would be really great if you can offer any advice because I’m really freaking out here. I’m totally paralyzed and can’t move forward in either direction. Please help?