(Closed) Guy wants to marry me and I'm freaking out! Please, please help!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

It doesn’t seem like you want to marry this guy. I wouldn’t want to marry him. And I am no one’s Maid-Servent.

He can get intimate with a rooster

Post # 78
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Aquababes:  I think you need to remember what “love” means. You said, “I never realized how much he loves me”, but think about what love means to you. I could profess my love to anyone. I could beg anyone I want to stay with me forever– but love is not words, it is actions. His actions are so far from love– they are possessive and controlling.

He is acting like he loves you to manipulate you, and perhaps part of him really DOES love you, but the love he is feeling is control, obsession and fear of the unknown. Real love would have never let the relationship get to this point. I’m sure after having you there at his beck and call for almost five years, he is just afraid of what is happening now that you are not.

 

BE STRONG!!!! You can always PM me if you need to talk 🙂

Post # 79
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I dont know what your culture is and I’m not being mean but I am guessing it is something other than American? If I am wrong, please forgive me as I am not trying to be insensitive. 

However, no matter your culture you called him “This guy” after saying you dated him for 4+ years..that right there shows your feelings for him. You dont date a guy for 4+ years and call him “this guy” if you love him and are serious about him. 

You seem really unhappy. Please follow your heart and leave if you are not happy. 

Post # 81
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Aquababes:  re: “And no, never told anybody about how he treated me. I figured that my parents would worry.”

 

 I learned the hard way that if I can’t tell my loved ones what’s going because they would worry, then I need to walk, or probably run.

I wish you so much strength for the challenging time ahead, and good vibes for your healing process.

Post # 83
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

RUN don’t walk AWAY as fast as you can and don’t look back! I assure there is someone who will treat you worlds better out there!! 

Post # 84
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If he really wanted to work on his issues, he would have done it already. Getting married with promises of working on issues is a ruse. He wants to trap you.

I’m glad you have made this very important and difficult step in trying to make a better life for yourself. Everyone deserves someone who loves them and who respects them as well. Best of luck to you – let us know if you need anything 😀

Post # 85
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Stay strong, don’t listen to him.  He’s playing with you.  You have not hurt him, you’ve only pissed him off. 

Remind yourself what love is.  What the difference between saying “I love youand living “I love you” is.  Saying it is just words.  Living it is doing the dishes when you have a headache but I know my husband feels worse and has had a bad day at work.  It’s him going out for fried ice cream late at night when that’s all I want to eat.  Him stopping for Starbucks on our way to the game even if it means we miss a prime tailgating spot.  It’s me not agreeing when he notices that he’s put on those 5lbs.  🙂

You deserve better, bottom line.  Tell your parents you don’t want to marry him and you need their support.  They really do love you and will protect you.

Post # 86
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m glad you got out of this relationship.  It was not healthy.  Every time he calls you and tells you he loves you, remember: actions speak louder than words.

Post # 87
Member
41 posts
Newbee

@Aquababes:  I gotta ask…. What are the  pros, if any, in this relationship? Cuz all I see is a truckload ofred flags that no positives could make up for! 

Post # 88
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’ve made the right choice, twice: leaving him and staying away. You go girl, stay strong!

 

I know his type: he loves possessing you more than he loves YOU. And he’s horrified not as losing you, but at how losing you reflects on his manhood. And will pul any dirty trick and manipulation he can to protect his ego/image.

If he does contact you again, remember it’s his own sorry selfish ass he’s crying for, not for you.

Post # 90
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Eventually he will go away – keep strong. Hold on to the new wonderful vision for the life you can now have.

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