(Closed) Guys and Emotions

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I say this as someone who lost a close friend in college to suicide: encourage him to speak to a counselor. I HATE when posters jump to counseling as a first resort, but in my friend’s case, he would go through these periods where he just withdrew from people, including his girlfriend, who is my best friend. He’d be fine, and then go for a few days not wanting to talk to anyone. She begged him to talk to a counselor and he said he was, though now I don’t know if he really was or if he just said that. He ended up shooting himself in his truck one day. There were signs afterward that made more sense; he’d shut down his Facebook profile, stopped coming to classes (he never missed the class I had with him, but he missed 3 or 4 classes the weeks before his suicide). It is SO hard to get through to people who are very depressed, but I wish we had known just how serious his depression was. His girlfriend tried, and took him at his word that he was seeing one of the counselors at the campus mental health clinic, but like I said, I have no idea now if he actually was or not. 

The whole thing was terrible, and such a waste of a life. He was so smart and funny and kind. He was just sick and was good at hiding the depth of his sickness and none of us knew enough to help him. Encourage your friend to get some psychological counseling if you are this worried about him.

Post # 4
222 posts
Helper bee

@Pupperoni: My SO is kind of like this. In my experience, you’ve clearly expressed your concern and he understands that you’re there for him. Imho, now it’s time to just act like usual around him. Try to let it go (at least in front of him). SO shuts down even more when I continue on and on. I asked him why once and he said because it makes him feel pressured and nagged. He likes to work things out in his head first before talking about it, and that can sometimes take a while.

I know it’s hard to watch a friend do this and it’s SO HARD not to worry. My best advise is to act like usual around him. After a little while he’ll probably open up.

EDIT: How depressed is he? I’ve suffer from major depression myself for about 10 years and in my experience, if he’s going up and down, it is likely that he is working things out. HOWEVER, everybody is different. If he is seriously depressed, a counselor might not be the worst plan (if he’ll go, if he won’t go, I wouldn’t push because that usually makes people not want to go even more).

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