(Closed) ‘Guys don’t get involved with wedding planning’

posted 10 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: How involved is your FI in wedding planning?

    Almost too involved!

    He's involved somewhat, does his fair share

    No involvement whatsoever

    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 24
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I pretty much run everything by him (I come up with the options and then we talk through all the options together). It’s just really upsetting when I really like something and he’s like ehhhh…I don’t feel like that texture is right…

    Post # 25
    3078 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    He’s teetering on too involved!  We went to Hobby Lobby over the weekend to pick out the cardbox materials.  He had an opinion on everything lol

    Post # 26
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    He says he wants to help, but when i ask him to do certain things, it usually takes him a few days to get around to doing it. I am certainly doing almost everything. I think it would be easoer if he was in the same country.

    Post # 27
    363 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Mine is pretty involved so far.  Basically I have been doing a lot of the research, and then I give him a list of things.  Like with our venue, I narrowed it down to about three or four I liked, we talked about it, looked, and decided together.

    He is doing the legwork with being the person to communicate with, mostly because he is a full time student and I am in court all morning and sometimes until the afternoon.

    I appreciate his help, but he did tell me the colors and flowers and all of that stuff is up to me.  Though I get the feeling he will likely have his opinions on those too.  Frankly, I’ve never known him to not have an opinion.

    Post # 28
    995 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It’s “our”  wedding.

    I would never say he’s “too involved”, because I love that he wants things a certain  because that’s the way he’s always envisioned them.


    We’ve had a grea time planning so far, we each bring our ideas in, discuss them and work together’ and come out with something better in the end.

    The only bridal show I’ve been to, we went together and had a blast. It was pretty lame overall, but we laughed and looked and sampled and talked: and it totally made the day.



    Post # 29
    7941 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    When we got engaged my Fiance made it clear…I did the planning, he would write the checks.

    The only opinions he had were regarding things he could eat so he has chosen the cake flavors and will accompany me on our food meeting later this month. Other than that it is all me.

    Post # 30
    8291 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    My husband let me pick whatever I liked but he was there with me. He went with me to pick out & buy the cake, decorations/center pieces, ect. He helped me with his opinion to decide between things I couldn’t do alone & I was very pleased with that! 🙂 He could have never been to involved, it was our big day not just mine!

    Post # 31
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Mine is pretty involved.  He’s helped with most of the decisions and he listens to me blab about wedding stuff.  I do try and give him space though when he’s not into it.

    He surprised me when we went cake tasting, out of the blue he told our wedding planner and that he does not want cake toppers. lol  I was stunned by his request! But it was so cute that he just jumped right in there, I let him make that decision and agreed that we didn’t want a cake topper.

    Post # 32
    2001 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    My husband was very involved in the food/booze and music.  Beyond that, we’d attend vendor meetings together but he didn’t have any interest in things like decor and paper products.

    Post # 33
    446 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My fiance is back and forth. When he’s excited, he plans and plans and plans with no execution (that’s my job apparently), but for the most part, he just wants to show up that day. 

    Post # 33
    2128 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Sorry, no involvement whatsoever here.

    He barely even picked out his tux. I had to measure him myself at home and send in the measurements because he was too busy to get it done.

    However, I didn’t really want/need any help and he definitely was there to snuggle me and listen to me when I was frustrated. That’s the best kind of help!

    Post # 34
    4145 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We are somewhere between 2 and 3 where he will do stuff I ask him to but basically my Maid/Matron of Honor and I are pulling everything else togehter and we are running the show. He just doesn’t care about the little details.

    Post # 35
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I guess it’s a matter of perception…he thinks he is involved but I have a different story. 

    These are the things he has “done,” he decided on the location (not an actual venue, mind you, just a general location in our state), he wants post card STDs (after a big argument where he said they are stupid and didn’t get the point of them-we are a Destination Wedding for most of our guests) so he thinks he designed those, oh and I showed him a palette of colors and he said yes and now believes he picked the colors.

    Sigh…I have decided I am done arguing about wedding things and will just let him think he is doing his share while I quietly make things happen.  Like picking an actual venue and not a general 50 mile stretch  Laughing


    Post # 36
    21 posts
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My fiance likes to look at things I’ve picked out and choose from the narrowed down options. 

    He never brings anything new to the table, But he’s doing his fair share 🙂  

    Post # 37
    577 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I didn’t read through the other responses, but the sentiment that guys don’t help with the planning is antiquated. 

    If you want to plan it by yourself, fine. 

    If he wants a courthouse wedding, and you want a big party, you’re on your own.

    BUT- if he’s looking forward to enjoying the party, he needs to help. 

    Now, I wouldn’t go putting him in charge of flowers or anything, or ask him to care about the difference between “blush pink” and “bashful pink”, but surely things like this are “macho,” enough:

    Choosing the DJ

    Choosing the bulk of the playlist

    Finding an officiant to do the marrying

    Finding his tux

    Arranging transportation0 limo, cab, bicycle, whatever

    Hotel arrangements for out of town guests

    Food decisions

    Booze decisions

    Gathering addresses of his family and friends (if he doesn’t get them, he won’t have anyone on his side ;-p)


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