(Closed) ‘Guys don’t get involved with wedding planning’

posted 10 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: How involved is your FI in wedding planning?

    Almost too involved!

    He's involved somewhat, does his fair share

    No involvement whatsoever

    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 38
    Member
    892 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My Fiance was involved at first in big ideas – like telling me how his mom wanted us to have a potluck, how his dad said we should have it at my parents “farm” (they dont have a farm) and how his aunt said we should use Costco for flowers and a sheet cake.  Um, no.

    Now, he is involved when I give him jobs.  Like, he needs to score all the DIY pocketfolds.  I set him up to do it while watching ESPN.  He was happy, and it didn’t involve “wedding” stuff, persay.  

    Post # 39
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Maybe you can show him some ‘fake’ hideous pictures and ideas you have for your wedding and lay it all out.. Once he sees your collection, see if it’ll get him more involved in the decision making process/input 😉

    Sounds fustrating though.. I like to do things alone but would be offended if he thought it was my ‘job’ to just do everything. Either 1) I do everything because I truly enjoy it 2) I do everything for whatever other reason e.g. Fiance is busy, far, etc. in which case, don’t complain when you don’t like something and if you dislike it, come up with solutions 3) make a list of things that need to be done- surrender your control to want to “fix” too much of his stuff and try to split it as evenly as possible.

    good luck!  

    Post # 40
    Member
    1367 posts
    Bumble bee

    @txbella:  I said “other” b/c my FH is involved more than “somewhat” but not too much!  He’s pretty much involved with every decision that we make.  He picked out both our ceremony and our reception venue!  He comes to every meeting, of course except for anything relating to the dress.  I’m the main contact person for all of our vendors, but he’s cc’d on all email correspondence and I don’t make decisions without talking to him about it first.  He’s surprisingly really opinionated about invitations!  We’ve met with 4 invitation vendors and he’s still not completely satisfied with them.

    Post # 41
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We have barely started planning, but so far he’s been somewhat involved. He gives me opinions when I ask and has made a few suggestions. He wants a larger wedding than I do, so I’ve told I need him to help make decisions.

    Post # 42
    Member
    148 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    So far he has been really good at helping without wanting too much input.  He just wants me to run the big things by him first.  He already has our officiant for our wedding day booked.  He is going with me to look at venues on Sunday and even did a little research online for venues and photos.  He isn’t getting in the way yet (haha) and has been a great help so far.

    Post # 43
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    He enjoys the process and wants to be involved. Love that he feels this way, but sometimes I do feel like my ideas should be more important. (I’m bad I know) But he is paying for everything so I try not to be bridezilla.

    Post # 44
    Member
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    My Fiance is way more involved than I thought he would be.  Within a week of getting engaged, he was the one forwarding me emails from vendors, etc… He will sit with me for hours looking at websites and magazines.  He is soooo excited which just makes me even more excited to be marrying him. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    3354 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 1900

    Fiance manages the budget and is present for choosing the big stuff like venue, caterer, photographer.  For me, having him in charge of the finances is such a huge help that I count that as a huge portion of wedding planning help.

    Post # 46
    Member
    1583 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My husband was very involved. We did pretty much everything together. I did more research on finding vendors but we did everything together.

    Post # 47
    Member
    1206 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    My Fiance isnt particularly hands on…  but he is definately interested in the stuff I show him.  He’s definately not doing his fair share, but that’s because I WANT to do so much, and am enjoying taking it all on.  If I asked for help, he would be there.  But we have a good understanding whereby I do a lot of the stuff because I enjoy it, and he tells me what I’ve done is wonderful…  much like when I decorate the house for Christmas 😀

    Post # 48
    Member
    939 posts
    Busy bee

    I would say my Fiance falls between the top two answers. He’s definitely not too involved, and he does his fair share, but I’d take out the “somewhat” from that statement. My Fiance is pretty much as involved as I am. I’ve done the little DIY things (painting centerpieces, stamping all the envelopes with our return address, etc.). But we’ve made every decision together, and he’s made a couple things.

    Post # 49
    Member
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We aren’t engaged yet (the ring is ordered and I’m just waiting on him to officially do it), but he told me that he didn’t want to have any involement but he didn’t want to do certian things in the wedding like to the feeding the cake to each other thing…I’m okay with that. As a compromise, we’re just going to cut the first piece together. I’m sure there will be other things once we officially start planning lol

    Post # 50
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    You have described my Fiance to a T!!! He’s been involved and makes some decisions although not very many.  He went to look at a venue and is doing the cake and honeymoon.  I know he’s SUPER excited but not really about the details he’s says the wedding is “60% mine 40% his”  I truly love this man!

    Post # 51
    Member
    601 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My husband actually picked our colors!  While I did the DIY invitations, he helped with the design (he does Dev and Design work for a living).  It was his idea to do the Personalized M&M’s for our favors as well.  We ran everything by each other, but he was definitley really involved and I made sure to keep him involved.  After all, it was our wedding and our day, not just mine!  

    Post # 52
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    This is our wedding.

    The vast majority of the idea generation and decisions are being made together. I do most of the general research and get hard facts about something we’ve discussed and other options, he does more of the calling people and faxing things. Everything is in a shared google doc spreadsheet along with what has been done and what needs to be done by when. 

    Its hard to pull apart who is doing what more than that. When one of us gets frusterated by something, the other one takes it over. When one of us cares deeply about getting something done a certain way, they handle more of it. When something comes up that neither of us cares about we play rock paper scissors for who has to take care of it. 

    The only exception has been my dress, he cares more than I do, but I still have to participate in finding and fittings and things. 

    The topic ‘‘Guys don’t get involved with wedding planning’’ is closed to new replies.

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