(Closed) ‘Guys don’t get involved with wedding planning’

posted 10 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: How involved is your FI in wedding planning?

    Almost too involved!

    He's involved somewhat, does his fair share

    No involvement whatsoever

    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 54
    Member
    169 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I think if you give a guy a task that he can handle and don’t micro-manage him, then it will get done. I put my guy in charge of the honeymoon, and it’s been great! Also, I told to make playlists for our DJ to play, and he’s excited about that. Of course, it wouldn’t be reasonable for him to decide wedding napkin colors……..that would bore a guy to tears. But, when I was choosing wedding colors, I was down to 3 options, and he helped me to make a final decision. He definitely wouldn’t want to be involved all along the way when I was trying to decide!

    Post # 55
    Member
    1174 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m more of the planner in our relationship.. I always have been! So for most things, I’ve done the research, then presented him with a few options for his opinion. That seems to work best for us. I’m much more detail oriented than he is. But he’s done most of the research on honeymoon things, which was something I asked him to do from the start. So I’m pretty happy with how much he’s been involved so far. He’s usually quite happy to look at whatever & give his opinion or research things further if I ask him to. 

    Post # 56
    Member
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    ScottSouth is super involved. There are some days when I want to be like, “Oh my god, can you just let this wedding stuff go for a minute? I just got home from work, for Pete’s sake.”

    Seriously, though, he has been extremely helpful. He push me to get going on a lot of our DIY projects way in advance, which is proving to be extremely useful now that we are into the home stretch. His opinions have been strong, and they have ranged from what kind of paper flowers to make to what flavor the cake should be to the exact details of the seating chart. He has also been involved just as much as I am with making the invitations, putting together centerpieces, creating paper flower pomanders, and many other projects. His crafting credentials have definitely been beefed up by the experience. Last night, before we went to sleep, I told him, “I really don’t understand how anyone plans a wedding without a fiancé as involved as you have been.”

    Post # 58
    Member
    2623 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Yeah, that would be problem for me. Fi is in charge of finding the caterer, Dj, up lighting, Save the Dates, finding the church, and finding a jop or judge both of us can agree on. I haven’t been on top of him checking and asking about what he got done daily. I have a list too and I been chipping away at it. I’m not one of those people who would be happy with a groom who show up at the altar, but I know a lot of brides  who say they been planning their wedding since they were four probably wouldn’t care because they like wedding planning, diying, and all of that stuff.

    I work fulltime, and sometimes up to 70 hours a week I don’t have the time even if I wanted too, to take on the full responsibility for all of this. So if Fi doesn’t get what he needs to done, we can go to the courthouse and get married, or he can hire a wedding planner which we have talked about because I want our wedding to look nice but I honestly don’t care about all the decorating and tablescapes and all the things I’ve found out since I started looking at wedding blogs. So it would be nice to hire someone to gives us options and we can just pick one, and add our own little personal touches. We shall see, I also think because Fi wanted this big wedding more then me, he should step up to the table not to help me because it’s just as much his party as it is mine so really he is not doing me a favor.

    Post # 59
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My fiance’ involved majority of the time. He gives his input when needed. Sometimes its funny to his answers or suggestions. I like that we are a time in making our special day come to light. Happy Planning!!!!

    Post # 60
    Member
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I voted “no involvement” but on second thought – it’s really somewhere in between that and somewhat involved. He’s not interested in the detailed planning parts – he doesn’t really care which photographer we use or what color the bridesmaids dresses are – but he does like to talk about the wedding generally and he throws out a lot of suggestions re: things like music, food, having a signature cocktail, where our bachelor/ette parties should be and stuff like that. For the rest of it, he doesn’t really care but will happily engage in a (brief) conversation about like, cake toppers or whatever. And mostly he just says, “Whatever you want, honey.”

    Post # 70
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @iswimibikeirun:  how does the cuttlebug work? I see that its an embosser which I thought would be great and easy for our invitations, etc. But, you see.. I am not that crafty. Was wondering if you could explain to me how it works. I saw other cheaper embossers but is this one really better?

    Post # 71
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My fiance for the most part is on the sidelines but I ask for his opinion on things. He’s very helpful when I ask for help; otherwise he just plans to show up. I was surprised however, that he went with to help with the registry! He was so patient while picking out things I knew he didn’t care about like what color towels we should get haha!

    Post # 72
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Mine wants to be involved in every decision! He is so excited! I went to a wedding expo and Fiance asked if he could come with me, and even came 2 days in a row. Not to say he’s excited and involved about every decision, but he is about most things. He has willingly gone with me to a wedding invite expo, photog meetings, looking at hotels, etc. I am very lucky! And it’s nice to have a second opinion. He is puerto rican, so he def goes against the macho stereotype.

    Post # 73
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Fiance kinda wants it both ways: she gives me this spiel about how it’s “our” wedding, not “her’s”, so I do try to have a similar level of involvement, but then whenever I do she acts like I’m weird for trying to have input. It sucks, it ain’t fair and I suspect a lot of brides are guilty of this kind of double standard.

    Ladies, please… if you’re going to force him to do half the work, then you have to listen to his input. Don’t use your guy as a tool to throw your little princess party.

    Post # 74
    Member
    144 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I kind of prefer him to not be very involved-they dont’ care as much and don’t know anything about weddings! If I give him a task he’ll do it or he’ll give an opinion if asked but that’s about it! He really liked going to the tastings!!

    Post # 75
    Member
    5708 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My Fiance is/was super involved. It was annoying at first when it was all fun picking stuff out, but now that it is stressful it is a blessing. It’s his wedding too, so he deserves to be involved. He isn’t as involved now, but if I ask him to help or do something he doesn’t give it a second thought. He’s right there 🙂

    Post # 76
    Member
    2639 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    Depends on what it is. I’m currently unemployed, so I have a LOT more time for this than FI- so I’ve did most of the legwork on venues, caterers, etc. Some things he really wasn’t interested in, like photography, so I interviewed 5, narrowed it down to 2, and luckily he chose my favorite. I designed our invites, and showed everything to him before sending to the printer, asking his opinion on enough things that he’d still feel involved.

    I’m not asking him about flowers, decorations, etc.- I know he doesn’t care at all. (I asked him if he minded that I picked out our wedding colors, and he said “I didn’t know weddings were supposed to have colors.”)

    Music and food are important to him, most of the other details not so much.

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