Post # 1
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
So something is definitely off with the boyfriend lately and it all started with his birthday.
I booked us a surprise romantic night away and thought it would be really cute to put the room key in a piñata. After he found the key in amongst the sweets we set off to our destination. I noticed he seemed a little off in the car on the way there but I figured it best not to mention it incase it was negative and spoilt his birthday. Eventually he came good and we ended up having a great night.
A few days later we’re laying in bed and I could see in his eyes that something was the matter. After much prodding he finally admitted that the reason he’d been off is because he initially thought the key in the piñata was a key to my house. I asked him if he was disappointed about it and he said no so I dropped it.
More recently though a few other things have come up, like
– he often shows me pictures of places available for rent that he’s found on the Internet. I usually just say “oh yeah, that’s a nice one babe” since we’ve never really discussed living together so what else what I say? Lol
– a couple of weeks ago he thought it would be ‘fun’ to drive around town and look at the rentals available. We went and looked but again I didn’t say much about it since it hasn’t been discussed
– the other night we laying in bed. He’s looking at rentals on his phone and I’m watching a movie when randomly he says “I know you wouldn’t want to live with me anyway” to which I didn’t respond because I was so engrossed in the movie that I didn’t even realise he’d said anything until about a minute later :/
– he’s started taking it upon himself to do the ‘guy stuff’ stuff around my house (which I’m not complaining about! Lol) like fixing things here and there.
Now… My friends think I’m dense and that these things are all signals that he’s wanting us to move in together but I’m not so sure because it’s always been my experience that men are quite literal creatures and that if they want something they just ask for it.
I can’t understand why he wouldn’t just ask me if that’s what he wanted. Do men hint too? And do you think that’s what he’s doing?
Post # 2
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull
louiseey : Of course men hint too!! Fiance hints at stuff all the time.
Maybe you should try starting a conversation about it? It seems like he’s eager to live with you, but you’re giving him the impression you aren’t that bothered 🙁
xx
Post # 3
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
I can’t understand why you don’t just ask him.
Post # 4
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
Driving around town looking at rentals is past a hint lol
Post # 5
Member
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
louiseey : They’re all different — you obviously have a hinter:-)
I would be a little concerned that he didn’t ask you up front and is now getting angsty p/a though. Or did he ask and you just didn’t hear him? Talk to him!
Post # 6
Member
9940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Ways men are different from women: (Generally speaking only): thicker skin (physically), larger brain, stronger muscle and bone density, different sexual organs, even their blood is different (I forget how exactly).
Ways men are the same as women: Everything else.
Newsflash: Men are HUMAN. Subject to the same insecurities and fears that women are.
YES, the guy is fearing being rejected by you should he ask you to move in with him, because of your obtuse behavior and your not picking up on any of his hints about it. Get a clue already. Lol.
Post # 7
Member
8779 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
louiseey : Ha! Yup, sounds like your man is making it actually quite clear he wants to live with you – time to have a discussion about it!
Post # 8
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
Guys do hint. He’s hinting, very obviously, that he wants to live with you. Not all men are super literal. Personally I don’t have much patience for hints regardless of whether it’s a man or woman giving them to me, so if it were me in this situation I’d be like “Ok, spit it out, because if you want me to move in with you you’re going to have to actually say those words out loud so that we can discuss it like rational adults.”
Post # 9
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
heyoh : haha yes! This exactly! I think if he keeps getting upset by it that’s what I’ll have to do
Post # 10
Member
4967 posts
Honey bee
You’re dense. And also prone to stereotyping. It doesn’t matter if GUYS communicate by hinting or not – try paying attention to what this one particular individual says and how he (singular) communicates. Not everyone communicates the same way and it is not determined by genitalia.
For what it’s worth, i don’t read it as hinting, which usually comes off as passive aggressive (like when some women think leaving pictures of engagement rings lying around hoping their SO will get the hint instead of actually having a discussion about their future), so much as trying to feel out the situation and start the dialogue and you shut it down every time. Like instead of saying “oh yeah that’s nice” because you haven’t discussed living together, use that as the segue to have the conversation about living together and reply with “is that for both of us? Do you see us living together or have a timeframe?” That could have been his way of trying to start the conversation, because no matter how “literal” some one is, it doesn’t mean they can’t be afraid of rejection and want to get a sense that their feelings are reciprocated before diving in to heavy commitment discussions. You pretty much smacked him down every single time and he was way beyond “hinting”. You’ll have to figure out for yourself of you really are that dense or subconsciously not ready for that kind of commitment and that’s why you’ve been responding the way you have.
Post # 11
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
That is way passed a hint….lol
Post # 12
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
annabananabee : ok a little harsh but I do see your point and I honestly hadn’t realised I’d been shutting him down like that. I didn’t want to be presumptuous is all but Thank you, this is helpful.
Post # 13
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Talk to him. Sounds like you both avoid direct conversation
Post # 14
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
My husband doesn’t hint. He’s the most literal creature alive.
You boyfriend clearly does. Think hard, are you ready to move in together? If you are, bring it up. Personally I think that hints from anyone are stupid…just communicate, damn it. But if you’re really not sure about the idea, I wouldn’t bring it up until you have a firm answer in your head.
Post # 15
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
Why is he looking at rentals? Does he need to move? Is his lease about to expire? Do you ever ask him why he’s looking at rentals? More to the point, do you actually want to live with him?