Post # 1
I was catching up with a good male friend of mine with whom I don’t get to talk often since he moved out of state. He was telling me about some relationship problems he’s having. He loves his girlfriend, but his exact words were that he fears her incessant talk of getting engaged is spoiling an otherwise wonderful relationship! He said that whenever he tries to talk about it from his practical perspective (that he would like to save some money first, that he’s not ready and she’s still in school anyway, that he doesn’t want to go into debt over a wedding even though she thinks they should just take out a 10K loan), she gets upset and says that it is a reflection of his feelings for her. She says things like he must not care about her or he must not be sure about their relationship. He is really happy with her, but he just wishes she would STOP talking about it. I truly think if she pushes further, he will leave her before he would propose because, as he put it, who wants to feel like they are being forced into such a serious life decision?
So this is not directed at any waiting bees in particular, and of course, every person and every relationship is different. I usually don’t get involved in waiting threads, but I truly felt compelled to share because it was interesting to first hand get a guy’s perspective as he is living through this very thing. I guess it supports Mr. Bee’s plan!?
Post # 3
Yep. I dont know a guy who’s gone through it personally, but I know that I resist things harder when people push me to them.
Post # 4
@Amaryllis: Thanks for posting. Very interesting. Guess I was right in one of my posts when I said “so there’s some sort of magic that goes on when you keep silent” …Or something to that effect.
It’s hard not to talk about it though! I have a lovehate relationship with engagement and wedding talk with my b/f. On one hand, I love it. I love hearing him talk about his groomsmen, about how our reception would be, our children, our future house, etc. But at the same time… SHUT UP!! If you enjoy talking about it so much, then why don’t you DO something about it!? GAH! Enough chit-chat! Git to it!! I feel like saying: “I don’t wanna hear another WORD unless there’s a ring on my finger!” LMAO.
Post # 5
@zippylef: I just think it’s different to hear it in HIS words. We can all give opinions on individual situations, but we often don’t see both sides represented and I think sometimes it helps to get a completely third party point of view to help make one’s own situation clearer.
Post # 6
@Amaryllis: Totally agree.
Post # 7
I think it was very good to give a guy’s perspective. Not all men have the same feelings, but I have heard this echoed by some of my male friends that are in LTR. Pushing the issue takes all of the “special-ness” out of creating a perfect moment and beatiful memory.
Post # 8
I can totally understand the whole “stop talking about it” school of thought, and I myself have refrained from doing so at great cost to my sanity, but I think I speak for most Waiting Bees when I say it’s REALLY HARD, WAAAAAHHHH! lol
But seriously, here’s a hypothetical situation just for perspective’s sake: Say one of our best friends or even a family member kept promising that they were going to do something, and then as time ticks by, there’s zip zilch zero evidence of them doing so. Would you stand for bs like that from them? Heck, no. I’d call ’em on it. Which is what I would love to do to Boyfriend or Best Friend, but my cajones aren’t that big yet, lol. And yes, I realize the analogy is a stretch, and the situation(s) are different on soooo many levels, but the inherent principal is the same.
Post # 9
> On one hand, I love it. I love hearing him talk about his groomsmen, about how our reception would be, our children, our future house, etc. But at the same time… SHUT UP!! If you enjoy talking about it so much, then why don’t you DO something about it!?
Know what would help men so they don’t have to hear their ladies talking or asking about it? STOP bringing it up. Enough said and easy to do. But NO, they want YOU to not talk about it, but they bring it up, every chance they get! It’s like telling someone you are going to give them a million bucks, but they can NOT talk about it, even if you bring it up, tell them how you’ll write a check or just put it in their account, how they’ll be able to pay off student loans or your other debt, but hey, do NOT ask when you’ll get it. I can talk about it to you, in your face, but you can’t.
Post # 10
For me, there are two sides to trying to keep quiet about it and not push. One is pretty much the idea expressed above – I don’t want to take the excitement or romance out of it for him, so I’m letting him plan his proposal without nagging him about it. The other one, that is of even bigger importance to me, is making sure that when he asks, he really wants to ask. I don’t want to ever questions whether or not he really wanted to marry me or just felt like it’s what he had to do. If feel like if I give him the peace to think it through on his own, he’ll be ready and excited when he does propose.