(Closed) guys who are ready to propose vs. guys who aren't yet ready

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
9098 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You had to have time to be ready. So do they. Those other couples are not doing anything better than you, their relationship just progressed differently. You didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t do anything right. 

Post # 3
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Try not to compare your relationship to those of others. I agree with PP. Relationships progress differently so it’s a waste of time to plague yourself with questions and juxtapositions; this is especially true if you already have a good relationship.

Post # 4
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I agree with Hyperventilate. My brother was with his girlfriend for over 7 years before they got engaged and they’re blissfully happy. At the same time I have aunts and uncles who were married within months and have been married 40+ years! I don’t think girls are doing something “right”, though the pattern I’ve seen with my friends is that up-front and open communication seems to help.

 

Have you talked to them about it? It seems like it’s just about being on the same page together.. if they’re “not ready” you could find out why and possibly support each other during the waiting time? 🙂

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  BeePeaSH.
Post # 5
Member
891 posts
Busy bee

barbgordon:  Honestly I used to feel the same way. 2 of my high school friends started their relationships with their boyfriends the same month I started mine with mt boyfriend, they both got engaged last year…the real kicker was when my little sister got engaged last year also….she’s 10 years younger than me :-/ Lol. I am not gonna lie I was secretly bitter and started feeling resentment towards my bf. We talked about marriage several times and he always said he wanted to marry me but it never happened….I realized everyone is different. All relationships are diff. Just like PP you can’t compare yourself to other people, as hard as that is.

 

Needless to say my bf told me a few months ago to pick out my ring…it’s taking me a little longer than I thought it would  but it’ll be worth the wait and the big day will be here soon enough <3

Post # 6
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

The main problem with the concept of ”not ready yet compared to other people” is you assume all relationships have a single, predetermined linear timeline. It’s absolutely not the case. True commitment doesn’t need a ring in order to exist. It’s a couple’s choice to get married. If you’re not on page about your life plans as a couple (get married or not, and if you do, when), then it’s not necessarily your SO who is ”not ready”, it might be that you need to work on communicating your feelings and expectations better, and set more tangible goals as a couple. I will never understand ”waiting” unless it’s obvious your SO is about to propose soon, but wants to surprise you nonetheless. Nobody should ”wait” and depend on the other person’s decision for something major like a marriage or kids. It’s fundamental in many relationships and should be discussed openly, especially if there is resentment or disappointment …

Post # 7
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ll take a different stance. When my first bf took a long time to figure out whether he wanted marriage, I deliberately in my second relationship looked for someone older who said out right, at the first date, that he was dating for marriage. Even though there were other men I was attracted to and went on dates, I ruled out anyone who didn’t seem to want to have a family.

That didn’t mean that our relationship was perfect, but by setting such an expectation upfront, I knew that he was actively thinking about dating for marriage. We’re also religious, so our values are aligned. He proposed at 1.5 years and we got married just short of our 2 year dating anniversary.

 

I do consider myself lucky, but I also think it’s because we set those expectations and communicated it well upfront.

Post # 8
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

There are a few broad groups as well, like the PPs have said. For example,

– those that go into a dating relationship with a marriage mindset<br />- those who go into a dating relationship with no thoughts of getting married<br />- those who go into dating and don’t give a thought about it until you let him know it’s important.

A ton of guys know that one day they picture themselves getting married, but it won’t be some huge change in their lives, so they don’t have a set day and time they’ve been planning on. So it is up to you to communicate to them if there is a time you have been wanting, and why that is so important to you. Like my Boyfriend or Best Friend said to me, he has no “set time” he wants to propose, but he knows the age he wants to get married, so it was up to me to let him know when I’d be ready to become engaged since I have more reasons why I’d prefer a certain time. It’ll all work out. The first conversation is the hardest, but it will end up plesantly surprising you.

Post # 9
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My Fiance and I were together for 7 years before he proposed. We started dating when we were 17/19 and within the first 6 months we knew we wanted to be together forever. But we also knew we were sooo young and it would take years before we would be emotionally and financially ready to be married. We wanted to have fun dating each other and enjoy our early 20’s by not being married. We were around 23 when we started seriously discussing marriage, a wedding, children and our future. We still knew we were young but wanted to have all the right discussions about such a major life choice early with lots of time to communicate. About a year before we got engaged, we were emotionally ready but not financially. I didn’t have my career job yet and neither of us had saved enough. Right before he proposed, we were still talking about saving more money first but he surprised me with a proposal and says all the time “I just couldn’t wait any longer! I want to marry  you now”. Mind you, we are pretty good financially so we aren’t jumping the gun.

A few of our friends got married before us, having been together about the same amount of time or less. We wouldn’t change a thing for us because we saw how difficult it was for the friends who got married at 21/22. We saw how much we grew as a couple after our friends got married at 24. I will be 26, he 27 on our wedding day. And it feels just right for us.

EVery relationship is different and there isn’t any timeline that is perfect for everyone. Just because you are with someone for a few years doesn’t mean you *need* to be getting married. 

Post # 10
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

There are soooo many factors that go into it and it can’t just be a simple “they got lucky and I didn’t.” You have to consider so many different things. With my ex we started dating when we were both 22 and I don’t think he was in any way ready. Him and all his friends were super immature, they had had very little hardship in their lives, drank and partied all the time and just weren’t ready to grow up. He was just “not ready” for that kind of thing. With my fi now when we met I was 24 and he was 27. He had already been through some really big hardships and had run his course of partying and had already given all of that up. Plus factor in that my ex was an only child so there was no expectation of when he should marry and his parents married in their thirties so he didn’t see a rush. With fi, he has all older siblings and they have kids already so he see’s that and it looks appealing to him now that he is older. Then factor in that we do not live together (we are waiting until we get married to live together) and that adds another reason to get engaged and married faster than some. We only dated a year before getting engaged and he was super ready from early on in our relationship. He wanted to settle down and feel like he had real roots. There were so many things that went into it so you can’t just say “what are they doing that I’m not”

The topic ‘guys who are ready to propose vs. guys who aren't yet ready’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors