Post # 1
So I had my annual appointment (had actually been about a year and a half), and I couldn’t see my regular doctor. SO and I are in our mid twenties, have degrees, fully support ourselves, have decent jobs, etc. I thought that it would be a good idea to discuss the possibility of having a baby at my appointment, and said so when I scheduled it. We would like to buy a house first, so the earliest we would start TTC would be almost a year from now, approximately. This would make me 25-27 when we would have our first (not completely set on a timeline, so that is why there is a 2 year variation). I have had some health problems (nothing too major, just some thyroid issues) so I want to make sure I am as prepared as possible in advance.
I was completely shocked today, when I went to the appointment. After the nurse checked my vitals and I was waiting for the doctor, the nurse came back in just to double check the note on my file that indicated I had questions about pregnancy. She asked “ARE YOU MARRIED??” and asked me again if I was planning on having kids. I’m 24, which I do not believe is a weird age to have kids, and we’re not actively trying, I just want to be prepared. Even the doctor that I saw today (not my regular doctor), though not completely unhelpful, basically told me not to worry about anything too much because I’m “so young”.
Have any other bees run into anything similar? It seemed strange to me coming from a doctor, especially since I made it clear that I just wanted to be prepared.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
Yes, and it was really frustrating. I have a chronic heart condition and go for annual check-ups to a cardiologist. Many, many years ago a different cardiologist had mentioned in passing that I would be high-risk and there could be complications. Since I was nowhere near wanting to have kids I brushed it off, but it’s always been in the back of my mind.
I was married in June and saw my cardio in January. During the appt I asked her about the stress of bearing children with my heart condition and I swear she looked at me like I had three heads! She carried on and on about not rushing it and barely answered my questions. :-
Oh and for the record Darling Husband and I have not been married long, but we have been together for 8 years and living together for 6. He’s 31, I’m 27… I’m pretty sure we’re not rushing anything!!
Haha, that turned into a mini-rant, but yes I totally understand! And I think it’s ridiculously unprofessional. You were there for medical advice, not to be lectured. I’m sorry that happened to you!
Post # 4
Get a new gyno. When you are asking for medical advice they need to check their personal opinions at the door. And I say this as a nurse.
Post # 5
That’s terrible. I’ve felt judged by doctors for similar issues. It’s completely stressful having potential fertility issues…but not exactly ‘knowing’ because youre not TTC yet. It would give me anxiety– like I couldn’t go to sleep because I just KNEW something was wrong.
I also felt that way when I scheduled an appointment specifically for that… and it was just awkward. My personal doctor JUST had her first baby and she’s around 35.. I felt very brushed off by her and she didn’t share in any excitment for us. Not that she has to by any means, but her reaction was very cold and almost ‘shocked.’ Strange. We will starting to TTC after the wedding and I’m looking into a birth center with a midwife. I just want something more personal and comforting.
Im 26 years old.
Post # 6
@Mrs. Coyote: That is so wrong, especially because they end up skipping over the part where they actually offer medical advice. You know, the important part.
@Lady_4Eyes: 🙂 Thanks. I had never seen the nurse before, and I wasn’t able to get an appointment with my regular doctor as quickly as I wanted, so I took a chance with another one from her office. But I do agree with you.
Post # 7
@tampalove35: Hmm, I never thought about a midwife before. And I definitely get what you mean about the lack of excitement. I felt like I was being looked at like a senior in high school who thought it was a good idea to get pregnant at the prom… which is definitely not the case.
Post # 8
The nurse was out of line. It sounds like the doctor was just trying to be reassuring that there isn’t much to worry about at this time because you’re ‘young’ as in not old enough where the risk has gone up. I would probably feel the same way as you though if that came right after hearing from that nurse!
Post # 9
@AnonymousCupcake: Perhaps I’m missing something, but was the doctor just saying, “I don’t expect you’ll have TTC / Pregnancy problems because you’re young and healthy”. Certainly some conditions aren’t screened for people who aren’t in the risk group (e.g. because of age).
But if the doctor was saying you’re too young to have kids, that’s really unprofessional and I’d make sure not to see her again.
Post # 10
If it helps, I’ve had a gyno tell me that in the past when I’ve asked about potential issues that could get in the way of pregnancy. I wasn’t TTC at the time at all but thought it was a good time to ask those questions. My mom had fibroids, and she had a really tought time conceiving my younger brother and never was able to have the third child she and my father wanted. After making sure there were no obvious problems or signs of problems, she told me not to worry too much about it, meaning the ability to conceive, because I was young and therefore biologically in a good place to TTC. Maybe that’s what the doc meant, and you were primed by the nurse to take it in a different way. Clearly, only you can judge the attitude of the doctor since none of us were there with you, but I wanted to thrown that out there.
Post # 11
@AB Bride: You’re right, I think it was the combination of comments. The doctor herself was helpful in listing what vitamins/supplements would be good, etc. The nurse is definitely what made it worse!
Post # 12
@paula1248: Yeah, I think I worded it incorrectly. It was definitely more the nurse that made me feel awkward than the doctor herself. The comment about being “so young” probably wasn’t meant maliciously, I just was so thrown off by the nurse. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the whole conversation with the doctor was pretty rushed, but the nurse’s comments were the main issue.
Post # 13
@tampalove35: Did they check anything or do any tests to check your fertility? My older sister and I have had similar health issues throughout our lives, and she had to do IVF in order to get pregnant. I asked my doctor/nurse practitioner that I have seen for years at my appointment last year, and was brushed off because I’m only 26 (then 25) and not yet TTC. I have my annual this week, and I’d like to ask again, so I’m wondering what your experience with it was. I’d like to know in advance if I will have the same issue TTC that my sister had, but no one seems to think you need to find out until you TTC and are unsuccessful. The problem is, if I’m fertile now or if they anticipate similar issues to my sister, who is 8 years older than me, I’d like to do something about it now (ie. freeze eggs or whatever could be done) if at all possible. I’ll most certainly ask my doc, but just curious if you were able to find anything out!
Post # 14
Agreed with everyone else, she shouldn’t be in your personal life and answer your medical questions. How unprofessional. However, I’m 28 and I wish my gyno would tell me I’m too young instead of pushing too old! Do you feel any pressure either way – to wait to have children or better start trying? I’m starting to feel the pressure to start having children right after we get married, even thought I think I have enough time still. I wish you luck and happiness in your future baby making!
Post # 15
@Blonde17Jess: I wasn’t able to find anything out. She basically said they won’t know until I’m TTC, if it doesn’t work. I asked if I needed any bloodwork done or anything, and she said no.
Post # 16
Just wanted to add that I’ve been discussing TTC with my doctor, and she keeps reminding me not to worry because I’m “so young and healthy.” It’s possible your doctor meant to imply that your youth indicates that your pregnancy is likely to be easy breezy.
The nurse’s reaction was totally inappropriate, though. Was she similar in age to you? I’m thinking she is probably so immature that not only can she not picture herself in your situation, she can’t hide her reaction either, ha.