Post # 1
I really wanted my step sisters to be in my wedding (ages 15 and 7), but their mother (my dad’s wife) would not let them – and will not even allow them to come at all to my wedding in August.
My step mother is a gypsy. She has met my fiance a few times and was always pleasant with him, so I didn’t suspect there was any issue. She even told him that she could tell how happy I was.
My fiance is from the Democratic Republic of Congo, a country of Africa. I am caucasian. We have been together for 8 years. The fact that he is African and I am caucasian has never been an issue to me or anyone else….. EXCEPT FOR MY STEP MOTHER.
My step mother’s gypsy family that live in Minnesota are very uneducated ignorant people. I have been around many of them… they pull their children out of school at a very young age and make them work with them at their “shop” (where they read terrot cards and tell fortunes).
My step mother will not allow her children to come to my wedding. I was very hurt by this and upset with my dad for allowing her to do this.
When my dad and I get together to plan aspects of my wedding (this past weekend we went to the ceremony location to plan where the video camera will go), he brings my step sisters along. My dad got upset with me because I was talking about the wedding in front of my step sisters, but that was the purpose of getting together!
I feel so hurt by this situation and I feel like everyone is just telling me to get over it. I know there is nothing that I can do but my dad keeps making me feel bad over this.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 3
@KP123: This is a crappy situation. But she is their mother and that ultimately trumps your feelings. Don’t get me wrong, it totally sucks, but there is nothing you can do about it. Don’t stress over things you have no control over. You have enough on your plate as is, remove this issue from your mind.
I don’t think it’s fair that you can’t talk about wedding plans in front of them, especially when you are out PLANNING THE WEDDING with them. Why on earth would they come along if they aren’t able to attend the event? I’d have a calm, but honest talk with your Dad about this. “Dad – It’s really difficult to not discuss the wedding plans when my step sisters are around. At minimum, can we not bring them along to wedding planning events?”
Post # 4
I would say “Dad this is retarded, I will talk about my wedding whenever I please, and that B**** you call a wife needs to get over her horrible racism!”
Post # 5
@JemmaWRX: Yep- pretty much this.
Post # 6
Post # 7
@danicalifornia: Ha! I like this one too. But for the sake of not creating more drama, I’d suggest something a bit more tactful.
Post # 8
If she has acted like she not minded him before, why wait until the wedding planning the announce the ignorance? She confuses me. I would have your father confront her, and either make sure those sisters are not around, or try to coax her into being allowed to the wedding.
Post # 9
That initial response was a bit exagerated, but seriously this comes down to discrimination and racism. You said your step-mother doesn’t like your Fiance JUST because he is African. This is downright wrong and if I was in your spot, I would be ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS, because I defend my family and my Fiance and I am extremely upset if anyone says anything bad about them.
Post # 10
Elope. Leave them 100% out of it. Anyone who isn’t going to support you doesn’t DESERVE the HONOR of being at your wedding.
Post # 11
I’m baffled as to how her children cannot attend because your Fiance is African but it’s ok for her to attend?
I’d speak directly to your step sisters. Next time you see them tell them how sad you are they they can’t be involved. This isn’t your fault.
Post # 12
I would tell your dad, in one last ditch effort, what it would mean to have them attend the wedding. If he still has the brick wall up because of step-mother, I would tell him, “Well, Dad, I am going to be continuing to talk a lot more about my wedding for the next two months. It is coming up soon and I have things that need to get done, which I value your opinion on. I am not going to stop talking about getting married to [FI name] because it is a reality that will happen on August 19.”
Frankly, he shouldn’t bring the girls around if he doesn’t want them to hear things. At the same time, the older one, at least, will understand that just because she doesn’t SEE or HEAR about the wedding doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
Post # 13
Have you asked your dad if he’s willing to talk to your stepmother about this? I understand that it’s his wife, but you’re his daughter and your Fiance is his future son-in-law. I feel like you deserve someone to speak up in your defense. Not to create more drama, but just to make sure she knows that it’s not an okay way to act.
Do your stepsisters understand why their mom won’t let them attend?
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I have a friend whose stepfather refused to come to her wedding because of a similar issue. She was broken up about it, but got past it as much as she could and enjoyed the hell out of her wedding day. It totally sucks, but ultimately their mom is going to get the final say in this. I would just try to cut them out of the planning process as much as possible so that you can focus on everything that is positive.
Post # 14
It’s so strange that she would be so racist. You would think that a person belonging to a group of people that historically have experienced discrimination would know better. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Maybe you can speak to her and bring up Romani discrimination. Maybe she’ll have a change of heart.
Post # 15
@starbzz: Doubtful. People from all walks of life can be racist dipshits, regardless of weather or not they have experienced racism in their own life.
Does your step-mom call herself a gypsy? Cause thats racial slur in itself…