(Closed) Gypsy step mother will not allow my step-sisters to come to my wedding – help!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@KP123:  This is a crappy situation.  But she is their mother and that ultimately trumps your feelings.  Don’t get me wrong, it totally sucks, but there is nothing you can do about it.  Don’t stress over things you have no control over.  You have enough on your plate as is, remove this issue from your mind.

I don’t think it’s fair that you can’t talk about wedding plans in front of them, especially when you are out PLANNING THE WEDDING with them.  Why on earth would they come along if they aren’t able to attend the event?  I’d have a calm, but honest talk with your Dad about this.  “Dad – It’s really difficult to not discuss the wedding plans when my step sisters are around.  At minimum, can we not bring them along to wedding planning events?”

 

Post # 4
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would say “Dad this is retarded, I will talk about my wedding whenever I please, and that B**** you call a wife needs to get over her horrible racism!”

Post # 7
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@danicalifornia:  Ha!  I like this one too.  But for the sake of not creating more drama, I’d suggest something a bit more tactful.

Post # 8
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

If she has acted like she not minded him before, why wait until the wedding planning the announce the ignorance? She confuses me. I would have your father confront her, and either make sure those sisters are not around, or try to coax her into being allowed to the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That initial response was a bit exagerated, but seriously this comes down to discrimination and racism. You said your step-mother doesn’t like your Fiance JUST because he is African. This is downright wrong and if I was in your spot, I would be ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS, because I defend my family and my Fiance and I am extremely upset if anyone says anything bad about them.

Post # 10
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Elope. Leave them 100% out of it. Anyone who isn’t going to support you doesn’t DESERVE the HONOR of being at your wedding.

Post # 11
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m baffled as to how her children cannot attend because your Fiance is African but it’s ok for her to attend?

I’d speak directly to your step sisters. Next time you see them tell them how sad you are they they can’t be involved. This isn’t your fault.

Post # 12
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would tell your dad, in one last ditch effort, what it would mean to have them attend the wedding. If he still has the brick wall up because of step-mother, I would tell him, “Well, Dad, I am going to be continuing to talk a lot more about my wedding for the next two months. It is coming up soon and I have things that need to get done, which I value your opinion on. I am not going to stop talking about getting married to [FI name] because it is a reality that will happen on August 19.”

Frankly, he shouldn’t bring the girls around if he doesn’t want them to hear things. At the same time, the older one, at least, will understand that just because she doesn’t SEE or HEAR about the wedding doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Post # 13
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

Have you asked your dad if he’s willing to talk to your stepmother about this? I understand that it’s his wife, but you’re his daughter and your Fiance is his future son-in-law. I feel like you deserve someone to speak up in your defense. Not to create more drama, but just to make sure she knows that it’s not an okay way to act. 

Do your stepsisters understand why their mom won’t let them attend? 

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I have a friend whose stepfather refused to come to her wedding because of a similar issue. She was broken up about it, but got past it as much as she could and enjoyed the hell out of her wedding day. It totally sucks, but ultimately their mom is going to get the final say in this. I would just try to cut them out of the planning process as much as possible so that you can focus on everything that is positive. 

Post # 14
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s so strange that she would be so racist. You would think that a person belonging to a group of people that historically have experienced discrimination would know better. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Maybe you can speak to her and bring up Romani discrimination. Maybe she’ll have a change of heart. 

Post # 15
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@starbzz:  Doubtful. People from all walks of life can be racist dipshits, regardless of weather or not they have experienced racism in their own life.

Does your step-mom call herself a gypsy? Cause thats racial slur in itself…

 

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