Had a bad proposal? This should make you feel better

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

My FH isn’t nearly as romantic as I am either, but I have to say that what your person did is downright mean.  I would seriously consider your relationship if I were you.  I understand that you love him, but you do not seem to be happy.  And on top of that, the “if you keep doing the right things” seems extremely manipulative to me.  Please, just think about what you really want for your future, and the future of your children.

Post # 3
Member
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

“Well, all of that can happen babe if you keep doing the right things.”

Hell no! You are not some sort of fricking child who gets candy at the end of the grocery trip if you’re on your best behavior. That right there would turn me off the whole damn thing. That literally just enrages me on your behalf and it pisses me off even more that he told you that you get what you get.

The problem here isn’t that he’s not romantic or emotional enough, the problem here is he’s a gigantic dickhole. You have kids to think about so i’m not sure if I can just tell you to drop kick him to the curb but i’d be seriously pissed and taking a hard look at this.

Post # 5
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

He’s right that you don’t need a ring for an engagement, but at the end of the day, you are unhappy, and that’s what should be important to him.  Obviously it’s not.

Post # 6
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m not even sure I would call that a proposal.  What he did was appease you with making the least amount of effort possible.  Then he has the audacity to suggest the proposal is something you earn for good behavior?  This sounds incredibly hurtful.  Is your SO (not sure I can call him FI) typically this thoughtless?

Post # 7
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

How he approached it is so harsh and mean. If he cared about your feelings at all, he would make it right. But then there are kids.. so it’s a tricky situation… just try to think about what you want to do, calmly and rationally and do a bit of a risk assessment too. 

Post # 8
Member
5722 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

You’ve posted about this so many times in like 3 days.  You need to speak to him!

Post # 13
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

kjacks89 :  

There are times that I text a difficult topic to my fiance because I find it easier than trying to tell him in person.

But it has never been, nor would it ever be, about the status of our relationship.

You need to have this conversation face to face. You deserve more. Your KIDS deserve more. And it doesn’t seem like he wants to give more.

Just before you told him to marry you, he was telling you do so something for the kids. Your alarm bells went off and you said to yourself “everything I do is for the kids” but you ignored that and told him to marry you… ? I don’t understand.

He basically told you in his message that you two can’t give each other what you want or need. You need to talk to him about it face to face. No more long winded Facebook messages about how much you’re hurting. Do it in person.

Post # 14
Member
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

What is it that he even wants exactly? To put zero effort into your relationship and make you do all the work?

Post # 15
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Okay- the ring is litereally the least important part of most proposals. But a ring does imply forethought, and interest in pleasing you. And literally putting his money where his mouth is. He didn’t buy you a ring because he never thought seriously about marrying you until it was the only way to keep you. And even then he used it to manipulate you. 

I am so sorry, but based on his last message– he doesn’t want to get married. End of story. And if after 5 years and 2 kids he still doesn’t want to marry you, he probably won’t ever want to.

Everything about your first post seems like you are constantly putting other people first and taking care of other people regardless of what is best for you, and possibly even your kids (no child should see their mother being treated like that!).  Kick his ass out becacuse you and your kids deserve better.

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