Had a bad proposal? This should make you feel better

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 31
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

kjacks89 :  I think his simply being a father to your kids is not a good enough reason to stay with him. After all, plenty of men are greater stepfathers to their children than the biological fathers had been. You need someone who will see you as a priority in life, not just stay with you because keeping up with an established routine is easier than going out and finding a new girlfriend.

So I’m glad that you are willing to move on with your life, with your and your kids’ best interests in mind.

I’m sure you read the many stories on this forum where women are so happy in their relationships, with or without a ring, with or without a creative proposal. It’s because those men cared, and you can have that one day too.

Don’t put up one more second with this guy’s half-assery. He heard everything you had to say and his only response was, “Take it or leave it.”

The latter option sounds very enticing.

Post # 32
Member
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

kjacks89 :  I’m glad you are finally starting to see that this guy isn’t treating you right and that you and your kids deserve a man committed to his partner and children.

A girl I worked with years ago said something that stuck in my mind. She was a  single teen mother then  a few years later met her partner and had two more kids. Like you she wanted to get married to her partner. He strung her along for years and years and didn’t really treat her right during their relationship. Was a pretty absent abd lazy father despite living with his children. She finally had the courage to walk away. A few months later she said she was going to take a long break from relationships to work out what she wanted and how to spot a good egg from a bad egg. She said she never wanted to get into a relationship again with a baby donor. She wanted a husband and a baby father. It sounds like your guy is a baby donor and not a baby father… 

Post # 33
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

kjacks89 :  good work! Don’t be too long winded. Make it short and super clear and let him do the talking (scrambling)

Sorry some people are being kind of hard on you (in my opinion) good for you for sitting him down and drawing a hard line and being ready to leave for yourself and for your children. You all deserve so much more! Good luck ! Let us know how it goes, lots of us have been somewhere similar and we’re rooting for you!

Post # 34
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

This is what happens when women nag and pressure their BFs into proposing. Find someone who values your worth and acts like he’s the luckiest man in the world to have you!

Post # 35
Member
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

kjacks89 :  I think I’ve replied to all your now deleted posts (please stop repeating!).

This guy is never going to be what you need him to be. Bye 

Post # 36
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee

withluv :  Seriously? So his poor, cruel behavior is HER fault for “nagging”? Uh, no. A person’s poor behavior is that person’s fault.

This is the same dangerous perspective that allows people to argue that it’s a woman’s fault for being raped, or a wife’s fault for being beaten by her husband. “You made me do this.” Maybe one day YOU’LL be a victim; I suspect you’ll be singing a different tune and will have cut out the bullshit victim blaming. 

Post # 37
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

TBH.. this whole situation sounds like he doesn’t want to get married..

I’m sorry if that is harsh. Hang in there! 

Post # 38
Member
33 posts
Newbee

Dear OP. I have read your post and then your message to your partner. I must say you wrote it really nicely, though I’m afraid it was not received the way you wanted for two reasons: 1. it was very long. After all this years, I learned, that when you talk to a man about something important, you must keep it brief, not too emotional and accurate. Only repeat the most important information once. 2. On couple of places you used accusatory tone that will NEVER be received by men. In heart, they will always feel like scolded little boys – there are very few men mature enough to receive criticism well – and still it must be served diplomatically.

Don’t be suprised that he acts like nothing happened. That’s the way they are dealing with things, when they don’t know how to deal with them. I much prefer that to the drama one man once put me through. Let him know, and make sure he listened to you, that he only has this much time. If you don’t put a deadline on it, he will avoid it. Guaranteed.

Post # 39
Member
5923 posts
Bee Keeper

“Well all of that can happen babe if you do the right things”

What in the seriousness of all fucks is THAT?!?!  

So if you step up your A game to prove yourself worthy of this amazing prize of a man, jump through his hoops and audition for your role as wife, then your grand huge reward will be Him- aka The Total Package?!?!? 

He needs to get the fuck over himself and you need to pull your self-esteem together and not tolerate such self-serving shit from him. Whether you kick this uber-douche to the curb or whether he can step up HIS game and start acting like a partner and father instead of like a reality show Bachelor you’d be lucky to get a rose from, put your children and yourself first in your life and your decisions because someone has to and it doesn’t sound like he is. 

p.s. I think a proposal in bed &/ or a proposal without a ring is fine, it’s HIM that’s not fine. 

Post # 41
Member
684 posts
Busy bee

I agree with what everybody else said about the guy and that you should break up. However, you are drowning in kids, and raising five of them alone would be difficult. If you break up, consider having him take custody of the ones that are his. And also in the future, you should probably wait to have kids, if you do have any more, until you are married in case that relationship doesn’t work out either. Do you have good job? Will you be able to support yourself without him?

Post # 42
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

“Well all of that can happen babe if you do the right things”

My Fiance and I say this to each other in jest all the time. We flirt by throwing insults. We’re very weird lol.

From what it seem like, HIS words weren’t a joke and I’d be really taken aback. Who says that??? You don’t earn love! 

It doesn’t seem like you’re happy. 🙁 I’d let him go. 

Post # 43
Member
289 posts
Helper bee

kjacks89 :  Girl, stop. Ditch this loser and move on. He sounds like a narcissist. Controlling, manipulative and enjoys denying you joy. Stop thinking about him and think about yourself and your life. You get ONE shot, do you really want everyday to be confused, hurt and difficult? No. 

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