(Closed) Had a run in w/ FMIL over guest list today

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

SO sorry.  What does your fin say about this?

Post # 4
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

First, you should still send Save-The-Date Cards to your friends and family, if it’s something you want to do. 

I’d also have your Fiance talk to her and go over the list offer to help narrow the list down. There could truly be some people that she knows won’t come (elderly relatives usually) and you could just send those people invitations. 

Don’t let her rain on your STD parade. 

Post # 5
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

I’d have your Fiance look over her list of 100 and cut out anyone he doesn’t want to invite – cousins he’s never met, etc. Get it down to 70, give her a chance to look at it and make changes. Give her ONE chance. Then send out Save-The-Date Cards. I had some guest list issues with Mother-In-Law too, it was tricky but you just need to present a united front and stick with it 🙂

Post # 7
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

i’m in the same situation EXACTLY. but my fmil cried and then my mom had to get involved… basically, she isn’t sending ANY Save-The-Date Cards now, and I’m just rolling with it. she doesn’t want to “alienate people” this far out from the wedding, which is fine, so if her guests get the invites 2 months before and can’t make it, it’s all on her. i don’t know any of them so if they come or not, who cares… you can only control what you can control, i.e. the number of guests invited. it will all work out, and this way no randoms will be at your wedding.

Post # 8
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Honestly, I would have your FI handle. Make him put his foot down with her and get the guest list. If she won’t cut the people down herself, then your Fiance can always do it for her! Definitely send the save the dates to your family and friends though…there’s no reason why they can’t plan!

Post # 9
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You have plenty of time to send save the dates (the shouldn’t go out until six months out).  In that time there could be a falling out with friends, family, people could move, things change, etc.  You don’t want to be locked in to sending an invitation to people you are no longer in touch with.  I would SERIOUSLY wait to send save the dates for the six month mark and take this up with her again around 7-7.5 months out. 

Post # 10
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Here’s what YOUR Fiance does:  he tells her she has until 8/15 (or whatever date you come up with) to get the list down to 70.  If she doesn’t give him the list of 70 and gives him the list of 100, he will be cutting down the list himself and she will not get a say.

Do NOT count on “Oh, they won’t come” because guess what they may all come and you will have more than your venue allows.  Send announements after the fact.  I so wish we would have done this!

Post # 11
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@nyebride: Def agree with you on not counting on the the “oh they won’t come”. We’ve been surprised at the amount of people RSVPing yes that we didn’t think would make it. You CANNOT over invite if you don’t have space.

Just let your Fiance handle this though. My Future Mother-In-Law wanted to invite some of her friends that had invited them to their children’s wedding but my Fiance told her No and stuck to it (partially because we don’t have space and also because he didn’t know some of those people). We’re not really into having a bunch of people there that we don’t know.

Post # 12
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Oh, wow.  So sorry you’re having this problem!!!  I agree with the above posters who say to have your Fiance deal with your Future Mother-In-Law.  If, for no other reasons, than he knows how to handle his own mother and it won’t place a strain/create an argument between you and her. 

I am soooo glad my mother is staying OUT of the invite-part.  She mentioned a few people to invite (who I would’ve wanted to invite but forgot about!!!) and dropped it.  My Future Mother-In-Law, however, refuses to even talk about it yet.  (there’s a long history there, but oh, well.)  I CAN see her trying to pull something like that, but I’m gonna leave it up to my Fiance to deal with.  Less hassle, less chance I’ll say something that’ll start Doomsday. 

definitely send Save-The-Date Cards to your family and friends!!!  Just because his family are traveling doesn’t mean your family/friends won’t have to keep something around to make sure they don’t forget. 

good luck and hope things smooth out for you!

Post # 13
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

“Oh you have to invite so and so. They won’t come, but they’ll give you a huge check!”

We heard that a lot, and of that group who we invited… they all came.  Also, their checks weren’t huge (not that they had to give us anything, but still… people have no idea what weddings cost).  Send save-the-dates to your FI’s immediate family and anyone who he knows still definitely be staying on the list, and don’t send any to the rest.  You don’t need to send Save-The-Date Cards to everyone on your guest list, and that way you’ll have some flexibility with your guest list later (I know with our parents, they calmed down about the list a lot once we were further into planning).

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