- 4 years ago
I lurk a lot, don’t post a lot – but I need some advice in a big way.
Background: I have been with my SO for 4.5 years, lived together for 2.5. Both are 27. I’ve considered myself “waiting” for about 1.5 years.
In the last year I have been obsessed with getting engaged. I would try to “drop hints” that he would obviously ignore, but I tried to have rational discussions with him, too. But every convo was met only with him shutting down, becoming frustrated, saying that by asking him this I was “ruining” marriage/engagement for him by talking about it “so much.” I knew he loved me, I loved him more than anything, and even though it bothered me, I pushed how hurt I felt aside. “Maybe he is just trying to throw me off,” I thought. Right.
About a month ago, I was drooling over engagement rings (on this site probably. HA) and asked my boyfriend if he wanted to see. He agreed, and I got so excited! I showed him pictures and then asked, “Do you think we could look at some real ones together soon?” He replied with a flat, forceful “NO,” which began yet another discussion that ended with him getting annoyed, telling me I’m “ruining” everything, and him admitting that he hadn’t even started thinking about marriage and didn’t want to even START talking about marriage until 2015.
Obviously, I was heart broken. The next day at work I cried at my desk several times. When I got home, I told him how upset I was and asked if he wanted to have another, calm, adult talk sometime soon about getting married. He agreed. I wanted him to initiate the conversation as a way to show me that whatever it was he told me, at least he was ready to talk. But when he never brought it up, I felt like it was a final slap in the face.
The problem now is that we live together and I don’t know what to do. We have had several long, difficult talks about how I have been feeling since then (too long to delve into here). He is my best friend and I DO love him and I KNOW he loves me, & I don’t want to breakup/lose him forever, but I need space – i’m so confused. I don’t have those same feelings for him any more right now. I just don’t think it should be this hard. I want someone who WANTS to marry me.
Has this ever happened to anyone? Where you wait so long, suddenly you don’t even care anymore? Or am I weird? Advice / sympathy appreciated. Thanks.
TL,DR: My boyfriend wouldn’t talk about marriage for 4.5 years, I’m so sick of waiting / caring that I don’t even want to get married anymore. But we live together and I don’t know the next step to take.