(Closed) Had a walk date and didn’t know it? – Has this happened to anyone? (long)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

I think you’ve gotten some really great advice in this thread, but I just want to add:  *one million hugs*

And YES.  You deserve a groom who is fist-pumping!  Real life IS much, much messier than people let on, it’s true.  But your dude is either a) making excuses or b) too immature to realize that if he doesn’t get a grip and TALK TO YOU, you’re gone.  Neither of which bode well.  It doesn’t mean he couldn’t wind up being your fist-pumping husband.  Because life is messy.  But you need to think about you.  It’s not easy, lovely.  But it is worth it.

So:  *one zillion more hugs, and a high five for your maturity*

Post # 32
Member
19 posts
Newbee

Been with my SO for 6 years…3.5 long distance. We love together. We are not engaged….no hard plans on the engagement. But we do know we would like to get married someday. Sometimes with men it is partly who the woman is…but the right woman isn’t always enough to provoke him to propose…contrary to what rom coms would have is believe. For men, I truley believe it’s about timing, so if your SO is not feeling secure and ready to take on a wife, then he is not going to propose. That doesn’t mean he won’t ever do it…but not now. Look, I think about 75% of my friends got engaged this year and I was feeling super crazy and upset…and worst of all resentful. The I started to take a look at what I was jealous of. I have one friend who married a guy that has prescription drug abuse problems and smoked pot everyday. She was convinced those habits were temporary and would go away once they got married….guess what? They didn’t. In fact they are worse now and she doesn’t know how to deal with it or get him help because he is too stubborn. Moral of that story…know your fiancé before you get married and have those tough talks before the wedding. The guys is NOT going to change. Another friend…after bugging her boyfriend so much about getting engaged finally just told her to pick a ring and Buy it. while I was still feeling upset…I asked myself is that what you want? Would you trade your relationship for something like that…I said no. The grass is not always greener on the other side and good things are worth waiting for. Good luck!

Post # 33
Member
21 posts
Newbee

There has been some awesome advice! I just wanted to add in a little bit I learned in a Psych class. 

When people move in, if they do not get engaged within a year, or right beofer they move in, then most couples do not get married and just co habitate. There is data out there on it if you give it a google, I’m sorry I don’t have specific numbers for you, but I believe the point still stands! 

I would recommend keeping some distance! You can absolutely love him with all your heart, but if he doesn’t have the same goals in life, then it can get messy. The distance will be good for the both of you to figure out where you want to go, and more importantly who you want to take with you. Just keep thinking about you and what you want and go from there! 

Post # 34
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I have been in a similar situation with my SO. After the 3 year mark I started to get pretty obsessed with getting engaged and he was saying similar things to what yours is saying now! He said you mention getting married everyday now and you’re getting obsessed. So I backed off for a bit (couldn’t too much haha) and then it was perfect timing because I had a 5 week trip planned to europe with my girlfriends, without him. On the trip I missed him sooo much and realised that I was just happy to be with him, even if we weren’t getting married just yet. Since I have gotten back our relationship has been even better, and the other night we properly discussed getting engaged soon. So for you, I think getting away on a holiday or to a friends for a while could be a good thing because it certainly worked for me… and then he missed me so much he finally discussed getting engaged 😉 good luck!!

Post # 35
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee

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Isabellulla:  is that based on data in the US? That’s quite interesting, coz it seems like a somewhat dated conclusion to me! I don’t think I know any couples in my circle in Aus (mid-late 20s) that didn’t live with each other for over a year before getting engaged.

Maybe with the exception of the occasional accidental pregnancy (even then, the majority seemed to get engaged once the baby was a few years old). 

Post # 36
Member
21 posts
Newbee

View original reply
pink.lemonade:  I think it was US data, yeah! There’s always exceptions, obviously, but that’s interesting to hear! Maybe the AU scene is different in that way, maybe I should see if I can google it. 

Post # 37
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

 

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BallerinaBarbie:  I can’t offer a huge amount of advice but I can empathise, as others have said before me this is quite common and you’re really not alone. The same as yourself I tried to raise the issue quite a few times over a period of about 2 years and was met with the same response that I was ‘ruining’ it. The subject became impossibly loaded and I also considered whether I should stay or go. I stuck with it and he finally proposed, I still don’t know what was holding him back but having gotten past it he seemed incredibly relieved and much happier in the weeks afterward, we couldn’t be happier now and I’m so glad we’re still together. I really hope this works out for you

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