(Closed) Had an interesting talk last night.

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@authentic: I was never that close to anyone in my SO’s family so I dno’t know…..

More importantly, have you told his Aunt anything you haven’t told him? If so, that would explain the ackrwardness.

Post # 4
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Definitely.  My SO’s sister and I used to be quite close and I felt like I could be really open with her, since we had a friendship outside of the fact that I was dating her brother.  

Anyway, earlier on this summer her and I were going to watch a movie at her place and we were debating whether or not to get some movie about a wedding.  She started talking about her dreams for her wedding (she’s not engaged yet or anything though) and then asked me if I have ideas about how I want my wedding to be.  I told her a few things and then was casually like “Yea but I’m sure it’ll change before P and I are actually engaged.”  And then she sided with my SO, saying that he’s just the type to take things slowly and he operates on his own clock, etc.  I felt kind of weird after because I had shared these ideas with her and then she wasn’t even rooting for me at all.

In the past few months I’ve felt pretty anxious being around her since she just seems to not even want to be friends anymore.  She hardly talks to me when we see each other at family dinners and I just don’t even know what the deal is.  I think there’s a chance she’s annoyed that even though SO and I are younger than her, in our relationship we’ve seen her go through a breakup and start a new relationship (with an ex-boyfriend – complicated, I know).  And apparently she’s not even all that happy with her current situation.

I’m not saying that your SO’s aunt is going to alienate you now or anything, please don’t take it that way.  I’m just saying I can relate to how awkward it can feel sometimes to reveal your hopes for the future to someone in your SO’s family.  Maybe you could talk to your SO about the convo you had with his aunt?  Perhaps that would make you feel better about it.  But honestly, I’m sure everything will be fine and it will be totally cool and just between the two of you next time you see his aunt. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

I get these awkward feelings all the time (not about them telling me too much though). I spend nearly every other weekend with his family (vacationing or traveling to their house because we don’t live close). It bugs me that I spend all this time with them, spend weeks finding the perfect gift for everyone (even his grandparents) for every birthday and christmas and… we’re not engaged? I really feel like I shouldn’t hang out with them that much until we’re engaged or married. I feel like an intruder on their family and they literally haven’t seen their son without me present for YEARS.

They like me and don’t cause me to feel like I’m intruding, but why should I hang out with someone else’s family that isn’t mine. I’m thinking of telling him that I want to not come anymore until we’re engaged.

Post # 6
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I had a similar experience a week ago. I had never really talked to my SO’s family about marriage stuff, i usually just laugh it off. We have been together for 4 1/2 years, so I know they all think about it.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend is the baby, too, and both older brothers are/have been married and we are getting the whole, “When are you going to do it” spiel. Last weekend I was at a picnic and I was left alone with his SIL.  She asked me if it was starting to get to me, and I told her, honestly, yeah it was.  She and I have a great relationship and I feel comfortable talking to her. Plus, SHE is the one that brought it up, in both of our situations it’s not like we came out of the blue and started complaining.  I had the same feelings afterwards, like, Did i say too much?? But then I realized that I didn’t tell her anything I hadn’t already discussed with my Boyfriend or Best Friend so it’s not like I was going behind his back.  She actually made me feel better in a way, saying that the boys in that family “like to drag their feet” as her husband did before they were engaged. The only thing I really do regret is when I looked over and saw his Dad sitting nearby in a group of people.  I really hope he didn’t hear me ranting about my feelings,  It’s one thing to do it with the SIL, but another with the Father-In-Law, lol.

Post # 7
Member
487 posts
Helper bee

As long as you didn’t tell her something that you have not told him, or something that he said not to talk about, you are fine.  I understand though.  I get along with my fiance’s stepmom really well.  We have had quite a few heart to hearts in during, I felt great but after I felt like I had said too much.  I just try to stick with as long as I didn’t tell her something that was supposed to be a secret, I was fine.

Post # 8
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MissBuffalo: OMG, I can totally relate.

Not only do I feel like I spend too much time with them, but I try WAY too hard with SO’s family, and often feel like it goes unnoticed (except by his mum, who always thanks me and appreciates everything).  Instead of going into detail here though, I am just going to start another post about this, so I don’t hijack the thread. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@authentic: Just curious, where in Canada are you living??  You can PM me if you don’t feel comfortable saying on here.

Post # 11
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

@authentic: I know this is not really the “right” thing to be thinking, but didn’t you hope, even just a little bit, that after you had that talk with his aunt she might prod him along to doing it faster? I guess that is kind of what I hoped, but then when I thought about it more I was like, no, I want him to do it only when HE is good and ready, too~!

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