(Closed) Had HUGE fight- need some support

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@embarrassed99:  Public fights are awful πŸ™ Fiance and I have a pact to sort our shit out in the privacy of our home only. I’m such a private person that I go crazy at the thought of people knowing details about my relationship and discussing it behind my back.

The important thing is that you and SO are back on speaking terms. Yeah, it sucks you involved the other guy. Maybe you can apologize to him? Did everyone hear, or just the guy you were chatting with?

My advice: women tend to overanalyse everything (and go ahead and yell at me for generalizing, but it’s true). When a guy says, “I am not mad at you, I’ve just had a shitty day” it means that he isn’t mad at you and just had a shitty day.

Take what he says at face value next time and realize that his moods aren’t always your fault! Sometimes you feel like shit, right? And it has nothing to do with SO. Imagine he kept nagging and asking what he did, why you were upset, and not understanding? Then you’d quickly become annoyed with him.  

Embarassing situations have a way of fading. Soon everyone will have something/someone else to talk about. Only you will remember and while you can’t change the past, you can use what you learned to make sure it doesn’t happen again in the future πŸ™‚

Post # 5
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@embarrassed99:  “I had even asked SO permission to speak with him and SO had said it was OK!

Uhhhhhhh….WHAT?! Asked permission? I am hoping this was typed incorrectly and not really what you meant. Sounds like you & SO need to have a sit-down conversation about what causes his moods & better ways to handle them. Maybe going out to a bar isn’t the best coping mechanism for him. And possibly cut down on the alcohol. My Fiance and I used to have public fights often when we first started dating and they always when we were even slightly intoxicated. You’re right, they’re SO embarassing!! It really puts a stress on the relationship too when you’re having to apologize for being a drunk idiot (even if you didn’t feel drunk, you were intoxicated) We cut down on the amount that we drink when we go out (we are still very involved in night life) but we never fight anymore when we go out. I talk to whom-ever I want, whenever I want when we go out. Heck, sometimes a guy buys me a drink & Fiance and I laugh about free drinks making it a cheap night out for us. LOL.

Post # 6
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@embarrassed99:  Absolutely not advocating not fighting. I always worry/wonder about couples who say, “omg we NEVER fight” because obviously someone is holding something back. No one who lives together gets along 24/7 and agrees about everything. I’d certainly never marry someone who just agreed with every word I said.

It’s just about productive *fighting* We have finally come to a place where it’s not about winning, it’s about compromising and doing what’s best for the relationship. If I’m pissed in public, he knows the look I give him, lol (the we WILL be discussing this at home face).

I wouldn’t worry about it too much – sounds like the guy was trying to be nice/supportive of the situation and I doubt he will go around gossiping about you! You are totally not at fault for asking your SO about his mood, but try to just do it once and believe the answer he gives you πŸ™‚

Post # 8
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You all should have either not gone to the party or just left the party before all this happened.  You both knew he was in a bad mood so him not going to the party would have been the smart choice whether you went alone or neither of you went.  Always read your partner’s mood and don’t push buttons when they’re sensitive…it’s not fair to either party and it never turns out well.

Post # 9
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@embarrassed99:  *HUGS*  Sometimes, and by that I mean almost always, booze and mad moods just aren’t great together.  Good to hear you and your SO made up though.

Post # 10
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@BoxerLady:  Post #2 – Very wise words!!  I agree completely.

Post # 11
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@embarrassed99:  I’m sorry this happened, I’m sorry it went down at a party but don’t let it bother you because sooner or later, this happens to everyone.  If they act like it hasn’t, they’re lying, we all have had this happen and it doesn’t make anyone a bad person or mean that they’re in a bad relationship, it’s just life.  And it’s a good experience for the both of you to know when the other has just had enough of the world and would be better off scrapping the evening and staying home for some take out and old movies instead.



Post # 12
288 posts
Helper bee

gosh, sorry to read this.  I hope that through a decent conversation, you and SO can come to some sort of agreement, when it comes to disagreeing, arguing, moods, etc.  I completely understand how you feel.  People are sometime self-absorbed, forgetting that their moods do in fact affect others.  *hugs*

Post # 13
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We all have nights we’d like to forget.  At least you were drinking.  Blame the booze, have some make-up sex, and move on.  And fight in private.  πŸ™‚

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