(Closed) Had my first Bridal Shower yesterday-Nobody wants Thank You cards?!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

Write them a thank you card… but don’t use those envelopes that were pre addressed (I HATE when shower hosts do this… its rude).  Thank you cards are a great touch especially for shower gifts!

Post # 5
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I also hate when guests are asked to pre-address envelopes!!!  You should definitely send thank yous. 

Post # 6
13014 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s really weird for the host to ask guests to bring a pre-addressed envelope for you.  You should ask the host for any missing addresses, and mail a hand written thank you to each of the guests.

Of course they said they didn’t want a thank you card – who would be so bold to demand that you have to write them one?  Even if I said don’t write me a thank you card, I’d probably wonder why I never got one months later, since it’s the polite thing to do any time you receive a gift.

Post # 7
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Cute picture! You look so happy. πŸ™‚

When the guests said “Oh, we’ve been thanked” they probably meant one of several things (depending on the person).

  1. Exactly what they said.  “We saw you open the gift and we know you liked it.  You don’t send a thank you note for a Christmas gift that I see you open.  Why is this different?”
  2. “I don’t want to write my address on the envelope.  If the bride-to-be wants to send me mail, she has my address.  Why is the hostess doing this?”
  3. (Those who said nothing or were half a beat late) “If I’m only getting a thank you if I address my own envelope, then I’m not sure the thanks are sincere.”
  4. “Huh? thank you notes?  It’s a party.  Where’s the snack food?” (At least this is what the men and youngest guests at my shower would have been thinking!)

There are some folks who were probably sincere about not caring about a written thank you as a follow up – but I’d guess that there were at least one or two who are thinking “I wonder if she’ll send a note?” – and you wouldn’t want to offend anyone by not letting them know how appreciative you are.  Always do the thing that you can be proud of, take the action that you know is the “high road” and/or won’t leave anyone else feeling like you took them for granted.

I’d say send the notes.  There might be a few people who think “Oh, that’s redundant,” but they won’t think less of you for thanking them again!  On the other hand there might be a few folks who feel badly and think you are rude if you don’t send a note.

Post # 8
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would just send out notes anyway.


My future mother in law had people self-address envelopes at my shower and I CRINGED. But I had to use them, how could I not? sigh…

Post # 9
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t care what they want, I think you need to take the high road and write them all thank you cards. Even mkae a joke in them about them not wanting one, but you still need to do it.

It’s like a birthday – you say you don’t want presents, but come on you really do. 

Post # 10
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d send cards even after they said not to worry about it. I did, and those who truthfully didn’t care thought it was nice/an extra step, but those who wanted or expected one were pleasantly surprised to get one after I was ‘pardoned’ from that duty. Everyone likes getting nice mail and feeling that their gifts/efforts were sincerely appreciated. 

Post # 11
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I totally don’t mind the self addressing an envelope thing, especially when it’s for a draw for a prize or something fun like that! I would still send thank you notes to everyone, they’ll appreciate it no matter what they say.

Post # 13
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - W Hotel Silicon Valley

I never had a problem with self-addressed envelopes at bridal showers, baby showers, etc!  I had no idea people were so opposed! I do think a good way to do it is to make it a game–at the end of the shower, one of the envelopes is chosen raffle-style and that person gets a prize!

In response to your question–I’d send them anyway. Who doesn’t like getting mail??

Post # 14
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Personally, I would still send a short thank you card.

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