(Closed) had our first awkward guest list convo

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

Aimee will be the one who inadvertently puts her foot in her mouth (again) if you choose not to invite Amber. I hope you didn’t confirm one way or the other because frankly, it’s not her business about who you choose to invite. I know the feeling…I have had a couple of those convos too…just keep smiling 🙂

Post # 5
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Perhaps in the course of the next year this conversation will be forgotten.

When it DOES come time to make a firm guest list though, you’re under no obligation to include anyone just because they think they’re getting an invitation. (Or because a mutual friend has implied that they might!)  Your guest list should be composed of the people who you can’t imagine not sharing your special day with (and their SOs – of course!).

So unless Amber suddenly donates a kidney to you or hubby, pulls one of you from a burning building, becomes a BFF, or otherwise endears herself to the two of you in such a fashion that you can’t imagine NOT having her at your wedding, then you’re fine to not send an invitation to her home.

Just keep smiling and giving vague answers for now.  I actually have found that the closer I’ve gotten to my wedding date the fewer self-invites I’ve had to deal with.  People will eventually figure out that if you aren’t giving them any details, they probably don’t need to know them! 😉

Post # 6
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@UmbrellaMoon:  “unless Amber suddenly donates a kidney to you or hubby, pulls one of you from a burning building, becomes a BFF, or otherwise endears herself to the two of you in such a fashion that you can’t imagine NOT having her at your wedding, then you’re fine to not send an invitation”… Your guest list advice today has been spot on!!!

There will be people who assume they’re invited- I found the best way to deal with those is a “we’re keeping the numbers down,” and change the conversation- they’ll figure it out. It is tricky when you have groups of friends- who to invite, but figure out who you’re close to/who you expect to still be in touch with a few years from now.

I’d hate to look at photos from my wedding day, and wonder “what ever happened to so and so?”

Post # 7
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@UmbrellaMoon:  I loved your response!! LOL! I actually laughed out loud at my desk. I totally agree with you.

Post # 8
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know for a fact I made a few people frustrated by not inviting them, but I hadn’t seen them since school 4+ years ago and they haven’t made any effort to contact me since then until the wedding. Unless it’s really important for YOU or HIM to have someone there, they don’t need to be invited. There’s always going to be people who feel left out, but if not you’d have half the world at your ceremony!

Post # 9
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

You don’t HAVE to invite anyone.  Especially not someone who has nothing to do with you, otherwise.  I, personally, would not cave.  I caved and invited many people I hadn’t originially intended to, out of obligation.  I have spent months being fearful that they’ll all show up and I won’t be able to afford it.  Luckily, almost all of the people I invited out of obligation have RSVP’d “no”.  Thank goodness, because I was severely stressing.  Do not put yourself through the months of stress that I did.  If you can’t afford it, don’t do it!

Post # 10
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If she wasn’t on the list before, there is no reason why she should now. 

If I were you, I would continue on life as if that moment never happened.  When this girl finds out she never received an invitation and gets mad, tough beans.  The world is not going to stop revolving.  She wasn’t important enough to be invited to your very special day, so why should you care if she is mad at you over something like this?  And really, you don’t need to be worrying about things like that leading up to your wedding.  Your friend is the one who needs to do damage control, not you. 

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