(Closed) Had the talk and thinking about giving up…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@workingbee:  That really stinks 🙁 I’m sorry you had such a bad night.  I would wait it out a bit and let him think on it…he may see how important it is to you and have a change of heart.

Post # 4
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Sorry. Each day will eventually get better and will clearly help u decide what you want to do at this point. I would give him some space for a bit of time and see where u two go from there. Wish u all the best.

Post # 5
482 posts
Helper bee

how old are you 2? how long have you been dating? 

crying in front of a guy will put him in shut down mode quick. i think i would let things cool off a bit and approach this issue with him at a later date.

 try to stay rational and let him know this is a non negotiable for you, if this isnt something he wants you have to move on. 

i dont know how old you are, but if youre in your late 20s-30s, definitely dont wait too long if having kids are important..




Post # 6
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would stick it out a bit longer, and give him some time to think. Crying and getting upset won’t help the situation though. If he isn’t ready, then he isn’t ready, and then you have to make the decision of staying until he is or letting him go. I think letting him go right now would be a shame, but I don’t know your whole situation.

Good luck.

Post # 8
527 posts
Busy bee

@workingbee:  If you guys have been together almost 6 years, and are both in your late 20’s, he should have figured it out by now if you are marriage material or not, IMO.  I am so sorry you are going through this!!  It really sucks!! 

Post # 9
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@workingbee:  I’m so sorry darlin. This sucks.


Is there some reason he is waiting to get married, or is it just that he hasn’t thought about it? Maybe he feels like he needs to be more established first. That’s what my SO is thinking.


Post # 10
1059 posts
Bumble bee

As someone who just gave up and walked recently, I wish you the best of luck. My only advice would be to make sure you can honestly say you gave it your all. That includes giving someone space to figure out what they want. Good luck, and I hope you figure it out!

Post # 11
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@MariaW – I completely agree with you.


OP – Give eachother some space to figure it out, but if you can’t compromise or reach a mutually beneficial agreement, it may be time to walk. You both deserve to be with someone who wants the same things out of life. 

Post # 12
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@workingbee:  I’m almost at 6 years, but we’re both 25, and I’m getting fed up. I can’t imagine how you feel approaching 30. I feel like he should have already been thinking about marriage, and if he isn’t ready for it now, will he ever be? Would you be okay with never getting married?

Post # 13
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

You’re almost 30, and you’ve been together nearly SIX YEARS.


The time to sh*t or get off the pot is nigh. What could he possibly expect to learn about you in the seventh, eighth, ninth year that would warrant continuing to take a wait-and-see approach?


I had a couple boyfriends like that. They strung me along all through my college years and most of my 20s. They wanted to hem and haw about marriage, and talk about it “later” and weren’t sure they “believed in marriage”. All after years of being with me, and knowing I wanted to eventually get married.


They both believed in marriage alright. They both married their next girlfriends within a year and a half. They just didn’t believe in marriage with ME.


Fiance was excited to ask me to marry him. He did it within a year and even moved cities to be with me. He is the sweetest guy I’ve ever met and is constantly doing all the little things women complain about men not doing. He wants a family at least as badly as I do, and sometimes brings up how we will parent and what we will name our kids. But the trick was, I had to dump those other two jokers before I could meet him.


Might be something to think about.


ETA: You’re not “old.” I’m older than you are, and didn’t get engaged until I was almost 30 myself. And I wasn’t old then! If you aren’t married by 35, I’d start worrying, fertilitywise, but for now you’re fine.

Post # 14
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So sorry you’re going through this. I’d honestly roll the F out. You’ve been together for 6 years and are entering your 30’s – he should know by now and at the very least be able to talk about it like adults.  Cut the string that he’s pulling you along by. It won’t be easy but I have no patience for guys like this. 


He either needs to commit to you or let you go because he knows he never will.  


Post # 15
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@EffieTrinket:  THIS.


Sorry OP, but if this guy hasn’t figured it out in 6 years, he’s not going to. Why wait and see, when you’ve already done that for over half a decade? This guy is reaping emotional and physical benefits from you, with no intention of ever giving anything back for it. If he hasn’t even thought about it (and I am sure he has – the thought has come up and he has purposely dismissed it – you cannot approach 30 and be in a long term relationship and the thought of marriage never occurred to you) then he isn’t having any magical epiphanies soon. As an adult he should at the very least be able to have a proper conversation about it. His defensiveness show that he knows the way he has been stringing you along is wrong and has some inward guilt, but also is terrified of having to actually face the fact that he should be committing to more, because he does not want to. Stop letting this emotionally stunted man child use you.


Post # 16
482 posts
Helper bee

edit: i didnt see your ages and length of dating stats until now. your situation was similar to mine. i was with my SO for 5 years, i walked shortly after my 29th birthday. we had alot of dead end conversations too. i would walk. 6 years was more than enough time.

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