(Closed) Had to ask my MOH to step down :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ColoradoGirl:  my bf/MOH and I have been at each others throats throughout this whole planning process. She has been nothing but difficult, bitter, and mean. I’ve actually posted several times about it already. If I thought I could ask her to step down without COMPLETELY destroying what little of a relationship we have left I would. We have been drifting apart for a while now, it just took the wedding to make me really see it. She doesn’t seem to care at all. She insists she does but her actions blatantly prove otherwise. It’s clear to me and every one else that she is jealous (which I hate to say – I’m really not an awful vain b****). The whole thing just sucks, I completely feel your pain 🙁

Post # 4
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ColoradoGirl:  been there, done that, hugs to you because I know how much it sucks! My (ex) Maid/Matron of Honor did some pretty screwy things which caused us to no longer be friends, I know how hard it was on me just because I felt I was being blamed for it all. But, it’s now been about 8months and things are definetly better for me on my end , without having her in the picture. I know it hurts now but time will heal it all 🙂 just focus and you and your big day! don’t let unecessary drama ruin it!

Post # 6
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m losing a friend who’s wedding I was supposed to be in…so while I’m on the other side of the altar…I understand where you’re coming from…..

It’s really hard to say goodbye to a friendship that has sustained you through your life…but if you look at it like those great jeans you used to wear all the time in college, cause they made your ass look great…well, sooner or later no one cares about how your ass looks anymore, and if you’re being honest, neither do you, not like you used to….you’re interested in your new garden, that spreadsheet at work, and your honeymoon….and while your ass will be present at all of these functions…no one is going to wait until you leave the room to look at everyone else in the room and say, “Did you see that lady’s ass?  WOW!”

I mean….they might, but it’s not likely…because you’ve outgrown that, and you’ve outgrown each other, just like my ass has outgrown those jeans…and while you can always remember those Good Ass Days fondly, the fact is, you two just don’t have anything to give to each other anymore…and its not a bad thing, but making each other miserable for the sake of what used to be is silly….just like cramming yourself into a pair of jeans that don’t fit anymore….move on, and find that next person who you connect with and feel comfortable with because your lives are in similar places…it’s all good!

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Nona99:  +100000

Best. Analogy. Ever.

Post # 8
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

i’m sorry you’re going through this. but, as i’ve said on other threads, weddings do WEIRD things to people. i have three BM’s that i always, always used to hang out with, at least once a week, sleepovers once every two weeks, out every weekend, etc. and my Maid/Matron of Honor and i used to hang out multiple times a week for dinners, parties, etc. once i got engaged, the three of them quit trying to get together with me, one blocked me on everything we tried to do (i think it’s coming from a place of jealousy, she’s older than us and the only one that’s single), beefed with me about dress costs, shoe costs, hair cost; refused to help with anything, even threatened not to come to the rehearsal because they “weren’t sure they could get a day off work” (the wedding was ten months away at that point, mind you, and they’re all in stable, long-term career positions.) my Maid/Matron of Honor got a new boyfriend, and literally quit answering all my calls, texts and emails. when i asked her to go shopping, she replied, saying she was busy, sorry. but she’s spending 24/7 with her boyfriend. girls.

every major life transition is going to do weird things to friendships that just aren’t meant to – and won’t – last. after the wedding, the people that are still around are the people you are meant to be friends with. babies do the same thing. people don’t understand where you are in your life, and don’t want to, and it’s going to happen.

you did the right thing by asking her to step down, rest assured. 

Post # 9
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Nona99:  Loved how you put things.  So true.  Went through this last year with a, now, former friend.

Post # 10
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Luckily I didn’t officially ask her before I noticed the friendship going downhill, but yes I am going through that. One of my closest friends for 3 years was supposed to be a part of the wedding. We see each other less but I attributed that to me moving 40 minutes away, getting into a relationship, buying a house, etc. She didn’t show much enthusiasm when I got engaged (and when I told her we went ring shopping she proceeded to tell me how selfish I was because I went with him to pick something out). I have always been the one to initiate contact and finally decided to stop. Well she hadn’t spoken to me since February 16th. She finally left me a message on my facebook wall on Friday I think, asking if I was still alive and that she missed me. I told her she hadn’t talked to me in over a month and she turned it around on me and said she was so busy she could barely breathe. So busy that she was constantly on facebook, updating about everything, going out with friends and not even asking if I wanted to go. Yeah, really busy. I feel like she is staying in contact just to be in the wedding and nothing else. So yeah, I know how that goes and I am just ready to let this friendship go.

Post # 12
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ColoradoGirl:  Exactly! I am super busy now with wedding planning, 2 kids, a fiance, a house, work, family…etc. I still make time for my friends even if its through fb, text, phone, or planning a get together every now and then. Its a horrid excuse 🙁

Post # 13
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Nona99:  so on point!!!

Post # 14
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Nona99:  I love you Nona99 lol love all your post!

Post # 15
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Nona99:  lol BRILLIANT COMPARISON! love it.

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