(Closed) Hairstyle issues

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You foot the bill you get the say on how your hair is. Unless she is willing to pay for it I would just put my foot down. 

Post # 4
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

If she is dictating getting your hair done up, I think she should pay.  If she were paying for you hair, I would just let it go and do the hairstyle she likes.  I would just tell her that since you have to pay, that you want a different hairstyle.

Post # 5
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

You pay, you pick.  I truly hate seeing brides pull the same hair do on each bridesmaid crap.  They aren’t clones!!

Post # 6
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@maddiejo:  She chooses the style, she pays. I know what it’s like to have thick curly hair. Styles just do not work the same for us as they do for girls with straight hair. 

Post # 7
495 posts
Helper bee

Personally, I would try to gently have a conversation about it with her, and if it raises any hackles, I’d let it go. I really, really would not want to create a permanent rift with a new family member over hair, of all things, but I do think you owe it to yourself to try to gently talk it through with her.

I imagine something like:

“Hey, SIL, I’m really looking forward to the wedding! It’s going to be so great to have you in our family! I am wondering, though, if we could talk about hair a bit?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“This might sound kind of vain, but I’m worried about pulling off the style you picked. I bet it’ll look great on the other girls, but my hair is such a different texture, I’m just nervous about it.”

“But you’ll look great!”

“Let’s be honest here. I have a really round face, and updos just emphasize it. I’m betting we can find an updo that works with my hair and face and doesn’t sacrifice the look you’re going for. Would you mind seeing a few ideas I’ve come up with?”

“I really want everyone to look the same, but let me see what you have. … Oh, wow, that would probably work (OR: That would just clash with everything! Please stick to the style I want!).”

“OK, would you mind if I brought this picture to the salon? (OR: Do you mind if I keep looking?)”

“Sure, but I LOVE the style I’ve already picked. Please consider sticking with it.”

“OK, thanks!”


I do think that (a) you should have some ideas ready, (b) you should flatter the heck out of her, and (c) you should accept any outcome graciously.


Post # 8
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m curious, regarding the “you pay, you pick” thing. Do we also feel brides should pay if they say up but don’t specify how? Just curious!

But otherwise…@jmarvellous:  +1000, I think that’s a great suggestion/approach!

Post # 10
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mayflowerbride13:  the suggested conversation is really helpful. i’d definitely go with what PP said. you might also broach the subject with her Maid/Matron of Honor if you and she are on speaking terms and see if she’ll have the same convo with her, just so she’s aware that there is more than one bridesmaid that feels awkward about the hairstyle.

i dont think the bride has to necessarily pay if they say up and don’t specify. that gives the bridesmaids a lot of lee-way to pick their hairstyle, there are TONS of updo’s out there. i’m asking all my maids to have theirs up, but i don’t care how. the reason being, if i said they could have it down some of them would choose not to have it done at all, and since it is a pretty formal wedding i want them to look dressed up. (also, their dresses are one-shoulder, so i want to show that off). i AM making an exception for one bridesmaid, however, because she has implants for hearing devices and i don’t want to put her through the stress of having someone do her hair up.

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