(Closed) Half-Brother no longer part of life?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No advice, but I am sorry you are going through this. It’s a difficult situation. 

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

 His response was that I was told never to contact them again and that’s where it sits almost 2 years later

seems pretty obvious he is done you and your family – sad but genetics can only force people together for so long. by the sounds of it your family is better off without him

Post # 5
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have three half brothers. The middle one passed away, the youngest and his kids were at my wedding and the oldest?  No idea where he is and i DO NOT CARE.  He’s evil, he threatened each and every one of us with  bodily harm, and has kicked the crap out of my older two  brothers.  HE threatened me and my y ounger brother when we were 7 and 4, if we told on him he was drinking.  I ratted him out and haven’t talked to him since.

stop feeling guilty.  People in your life are the ones that you should keep on your mind .. not the useres who aren’t there everyday.

Post # 7
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I have two half-brothers, and I’m my parents’ only child.

The older of the two is in his mid-40s, is married with two kids, and is completely estranged from the entire family. No contact. He has done horrible, horrible things, and everyone is much better off without his presenve in our lives. He’s been estranged for many years. 

The younger is 18 years older than me, newly remarried, and if he didn’t live so far away we’d be quite close. 

There is absolutely NO doubt in my mind that removing toxic people from your life (and keeping them removed) is the best and healthiest thing to do for yourself and your family. Do not feel guilt, feel relief. I have never believed that “blood is thicker than water” or that a person who is related by blood is somehow perpetually worthy of our care. Your half-sib and his family have made their position clear, and the best thing to do is respect it and move on.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

My Dad had a baby at 15 with his high school girlfriend. They chose to give her up for adoption because they felt that they couldn’t provide her with a good life. When I was 19 a letter was delievered to us saying that “If he didn’t tell his children about her, she would be knocking on our door in 24 hours”. She found us through research, going back to her birth place (a VERY small town), and my family helped her to contact us. Overall there was alot of deception and hurt feelings within my family when she arrived.

I wrote her a letter explaining my personal boundaries for our relationship so that we could get to know one another and also explained that a clean slate would be great. Over time though she also made decisions that hurt our family. She later asked to never have contact again. It made me sad, but now, years later I find it easier to look back on. 

(sorry this turned into a look into my  life but I just wanted to show you the similarities in our situation. I’m not just giving advice out of thin air haha)

What I had to do was first define our relationship. Once I did I realized that although she is genetically my sister, we don’t really have any relationship. We grew up in different homes, different cultures, etc Plus she obviously doesn’t want me in return. My 2 nieces and 1 nephew are now growing up, completely out of contact with any of us. I had to accept that although I wish things were different, someone like her is not someone I want in my life. I want support, love, and acceptance. She was inable to offer any of those. 

I think the best thing for you is to move on. It does get easier, I promise. At some point I was just able to move past it all. He will probably continue to show up in your life. Kind of like the hiccups. Whether you choose to restart that contact at the point is completely up to you. Just be prepared that people like your brother and my sister only regain contact when it benefits them. Sadly, you are just a pawn in his game. 

His choice to push you aside has nothing to do with you as a person, so don’t take it personally. They are ashamed that they used you. Often times, this results in them pretending it never occured, blaming the family they used for their decisions, etc. Just try to be the better person. Love the family who is there to love you on your special day. Plus, if they were there it would just become a way to manipulate the day to make it about them.

Hope this helps and that you have a beautiful wedding day!

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