Most people don’t understand what love is and how to manifest it. And if they do have insight about the workings of love, many are not disciplined to it. Love, not just romantic “in love” kinda love, is an umbrella topic that covers. When you’re loving your spouse, you’re going to listen, understand, forgive, have patience, etc.
The world is big on promoting love and how wonderful it is, but truly, something is amiss and people are not educated as they should be. Not many people know who they are and what they’re bringing to the table. It can suck to look at yourself and honestly say “ok, I am moody, controlling, and often passive aggressive if I don’t get what I want.” Then take that knowledge further…how does it affect my spouse? When I manipulate him by passive-aggressive behavior, he shuts down and won’t talk, not that he’s just pissy and silent. I’m big on understanding why people do what they do. It helps ME from feeling hurt, and helps me to get over it. So DH is a little cross one evening…what can I do to bless him? Does he need to talk, eat something, cool off? Try and honor that. There is no room for “I me mine” in a relationship. There is room, of course, for you to be loved, honored, respected, etc. But don’t be a bully about it. Don’t expect perfection or overnight change (so often we do!). I want to see my husband TRY. Even if he falls flat on his face, his heart was in the right place.
Often times people lose sight of that. They lose the tenderness that the relationship once had. They think poorly of their spouse, allow anger, hurt, and resentment to accumulate. Relationships are like a garden – you must be constantly weeding it and nurturing it. Otherwise, weeds take over. Furthermore, a lot of people are consumed by their own feelings and hurt to the point that hurt has greater presedence than the love their spouse needs. Some men jus tell themselves they will never hit a woman, and they never do no matter how angry. Why can’t we have the mentality that we will never hurt, emotionally or physically, our spouse? Hmm.
Within every adult is a small child who simply wants to be loved, cared for, and valued. A good parent would never willingly hurt their child or set him/her up for failure. Spouses should be treated the same. One of my favorite quotes…”A person can never get too much love, but they can get enough hell in a minute to last a lifetime.” Divorce happens when too much hell is given and not enough love. You must bind yourself to a principle, perspective, and life that leaves no room for hurt; controlling your mind, emotions, and actions are of the utmost of importance. Many folks simply cannot get over things, or they allow X to become more important than the commitment to love. You can be 20 or 60 and not understand love; be a CEO or hobo, college grad or high school drop out. It simply doesn’t matter. If your heart is there and you’re disciplined to love – and your spouse is too – you’re set. You can always control your love regardless of whatever your spouse may do. Seize that opportunity to commit to love and then stick to it. Have heart, patience, and understanding. And my goodness, if you’re with someone with a good heart, do not give up on them. People can change so very slowly! It hurts my heart when people toss their spouse aside because they failed to understand the person they married.