- 10 years ago
- Wedding: January 2006
I never thought planning a wedding would bring me so much heartbreak. We invited over 150 people to our wedding (152 adults/15 kids) and only about 85-86 of them (and 10 kids) are coming. That’s half.
Our wedding venue is a few hours away but it isn’t a destination wedding and our family and friends are spread out – so they would have to travel no matter where we had it. We planned it for Memorial Day Saturday so everyone would hopefully have enough time to travel if they needed to. We sent Save the Dates 6 months in advance and invitations 8 weeks in advance. It is a first marriage for both of us.
The wedding is 3 weeks from tomorrow. We are still missing some RSVPs but that estimate of 85-86 includes the ones missing that we realistically think are and are not coming.
Neither of my parents or my grandparents are alive to spend this day with us so I thought my family could rally for just one day to celebrate with me. Forget it – apparently that is too much to ask. I have even been offering to help with airfare or a place to stay for those travelling – no dice. They have other things to do, so they “just can’t make it.” And these are mostly relatives I consider close, not someone I’ve never seen before.
Also, two good friends that I attended the weddings of (one of which I had to fly to a remote area for and pay for airfare and hotel) also declined. How disappointing!
We expected some declines (25-30 people), from the ones with health probelms and the like, but NEVER expected so many people to just simply decline because they just couldn’t find the time. I’m not trying to be selfish here, but if I had ANY idea that this many people wouldn’t come, my fiancee and I would have gladly had a destination wedding at the beach – without all of the fancy planning and money AND spared me the hours of crying and feeling unloved.
One of my relatives that declined sent a check anyway (which we could care less about – what is important to us is who will be able to spend the day with us) – and I really feel like sending it back or saying in the thank you that I’ll be using it toward therapy I will require to get over the emotional trauma from realizing your family doesn’t care much about you.
To top it off, our venue has a minimum that we are clearly not going to meet – and although we are hoping they will negotiate somewhat (we will purchase some more things) we will inevitably end up spending some money on empty seats. At this point, we have asked EVERYONE that we know and I’m just kind of throwing my hands up in the air, but the money is the bottom of my concerns – we just wanted everyone there to spend this day with us.
I honestly am no longer excited about planning or doing all of the things I need to do in the next few weeks – I just wish I hadn’t put myself out there and planned such a big affair for such a small number of people. It’s too late to change anything, airfare and hotels are booked and deposits have been made. The hardest part is just me thinking that nothing really matters after this one day – several of my family members and friends have said they want to get together soon after – GREAT! So you couldn’t make it to the most important day of my life but your calendar is available for a few days later. That’s just awseome.
Any encouragement, similar situations would help – all I ever seem to see on any of these boards are people who have too many people and can’t invite everyone they want to – I would be GLAD to take some of your guests off your hands!!