(Closed) Half our guests declined and I feel disappointed and awful at 3 weeks out.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
19 posts
Newbee

In doing my count, I haven’t even included my stepdad’s side of the family – we all live in the same city and you can’t even make it to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner?! Yeah, right. When I was growing up, I didn’t even realize my dad came from a family of 9! I thought I only had one uncle (b/c he lived with us). I was going to have the wedding in my hometown but figured if they won’t show up anyway, might as well have it someplace nice. I’ll still send out the invites, but only two of my aunts will probably come (one does hair and one does makeup, COINCIDENCE?)

Post # 33
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m so sorry this happened to you and the other Bees but in a way, I’m glad I read this because my misery needed some company. I’ve been sobbing every day for about 2 weeks about how awful all of the declines are because we are getting married in my homestate, but a state where almost none of our friends and family currently live. Even a few of my local friends can’t make it now! We’re at 84 guests (including the bridal party!) and 96 declines, and we’re still waiting on about 25 RSVPs, but yeah, definitely more Declines than Accepts. Some people we weren’t surprised, but a few close friends and family we are just shocked that they can’t come. We’re trying to find ways to get around it, pay or whatever.

We’re not getting married on a weird weekend, but we are getting married in a city and state that most people don’t know anyone, so it’s hard to find places to stay or give rides. I think that has played a role too.

The only thing I can say is that I know almost everyone coming to our wedding (my mom invited a few girlfriends of hers) but it’ll be a small wedding where I know everyone and it will be a good time. And those who can’t come are devestatingly missed.

Post # 34
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MissKatelyn: I’d come :P.

Seriously thought i’m so scared for this too. I feel so bad for both of you. I don’t understand why people can’t set a side a little tiny bit of time to just say congratulations. I’m so scared to send my invites out after hearing these stories. But I hope your wedding goes swimmingly and all the people that DO show up make it awesome for you two.

 

@dmk79: I hope your wedding was still nice.

Post # 35
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I recently got married, and just wanted to say that you are so happy on that day and enjoying the ppl that you are with who are celebrating with you that you won’t even notice those that didn’t couldn’t make it.

We were fortunate that almost everyone came to the wedding but we had about 12 no shows who did rsvp’d yes.  But honestly, I wouldnt’ have noticed until I was informed of the fact because I was just having so much fun with those that were there.

So I hope your wedding was the same way, having a blast witht those that were there to celebrate with you.

Post # 36
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Ms. Sparkles: I’m just scared because my venue is a ballroom with a 12,000 minimum food purchase (its hard to explain but they have no site rental fee they just basically make you spend 12,000 on things to be served at your wedding), so only having 50-80 people show up will be a disaster and a massive waste of money.

Post # 37
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m nervous about this as well. I’m sure all brides secretly are. We’re here in Florida, and all of my family (besides parents) are in Kentucky and Tennesee, and my FI’s are here. I was told by our event coordinator that you can normally only expect 70% of your invited guests to show up. We want to MAX ours out at 100, but I’m trying to figure out now if we should invite MORE than 100, just in case. It’s such a numbers game, it’s not any fun at all 🙁

Hope everyone’s wedding has turned out wonderful and best of luck to those coming soon!

Post # 38
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Corilee13: Yikes, with respect to money…I would be concern as well.  However, if you have only 50-80 ppl, you get to splurge more on those guests, so you get to buy a more expensive meal, drinks, etc? 

A venue we looked at, but deemed to small, had the same requirement, you just had to spend a certain amount of money.  On that day, there was a wedding that only had 75 ppl and I was reading the menu and looking at the deco and it was simply elegant, fancy, and beautful.  Those guests were def going to be spoiled. 🙂

Post # 39
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It sounds as though this can happen to all weddings, probably does and we don’t hear about it as guests. My Fiance and I live in Daytona Beach, 70% of guests coming from Ohio….we haven’t sent invites yet, just the STD’s, we know ALL of our families are coming and most of our friends say they are coming, some have booked airlines and with the resort, and I can see some that just don’t seem like they’ll make it, eventhough they still swear they will…….I will believe the other Bee’s who have had their wedding and had a blast with those in attendance. I do not want to have our day ruined by those who couldn’t come.

It is reassuring to hear these comments and know that it happens a lot at weddings…helps me realize I will not be the only one having close friends not make it for some reason.

Post # 40
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Our wedding is not until March, I have save the dates ready to send out next week, just have to write the envelopes out next week while at FIL’s.  Anyway, our guest list is at 140 now, and I am estimating about 100 will show, the majority of that is family/friends here in town.

I have other family that have already said they may not be able to make it as our actual family reunion is 6 weeks later, which means more travel for them, and they would be coming from South Carolina/Georgia to South Florida twice in 6 weeks.

Also FH’s brother whom he wants to be his best man has said that it may only be him flying down for the weekend of the wedding from TN and the rest of the family from up there won’t make it. Makes it rough, of course he does have 2 brothers; but it is the one up there that he has always been closest to.

 

Post # 41
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry this happened but I do think you’re overreacting. You should not need therapy or even shed more than a few tears over people not wanting to travel to come to your wedding. Honestly, over an hour away is about my limit for a wedding unless its someone I’m really close to, as in talk to at least once every couple of weeks, or its a place I’ve been wanting to visit. Not to mention that if you did have a destination wedding like you mentioned, maybe 10-15 people would come, so I think your expectations wouldn’t have been met either way. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just being honest.

Post # 42
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Ms. Sparkles:

that is a good point I can spoil the hell out of my other guests. I actually love venues that do this. I went from a $5000 food budget to a $12000 just by not having the site rental fee. I’m just scared the space will look empty as well

Post # 43
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry to hear about what’s going on but there’s a great way to think about it. Only the ones that need and want to be there will be there to share in your special day. Also, you will look so amazing that everyone will be talking about it and those that decided not to come will feel left out. NOT YOUR PROBLEM! 😉

Post # 44
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

I read somewhere (not on WB) that about 50-80% of invited guests will actually accept and attend the wedding.  Even having an event over an hour away may discourage a few from attending.  Perhaps it has to do with your wedding date. Memorial Day is a popular time for traveling, so some guests may have had long term travel plans before they got your invite.  Other people may not be able to afford to travel at that time, and yet other invitees may have had other obligations.  However, I think the ones who really matter-the ones nearest and dearest to you will try their best to attend.  And I think in the end, that’s what matters most. 

Btw, did you know that one of the biggest regrets many polled brides admited is having “too many” guests at their wedding? This was in a couple of articles I read elsewhere.  Looking back, many wished they had eloped or had a smaller bridal party or a smaller wedding, and had more time to spend with their guests!

Post # 45
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Awh, don’t be sad, I’m sure people have good reasons rather than just not wanting to go! Don’t take them all personally! Even though the thought was there on having an extra day to travel on a holiday weekend, a lot of people make other plans for holidays with close family, not to mention travel prices for airfare and gas skyrocket on holiday weekends.

Don’t feel down, I’m sure it will feel like such an intimate and close gathering, and those who are most special to you will be there to support you!

Post # 46
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh man, I found this board because I’ve been SO bummed about our declines, and really starting to resent people — not where I want to be mentally or emotionally 2 months before the wedding. One of my good friends just called and said she has a work conflict. It’s so hard because I understand she can’t get out of it, but it still makes me upset and angry. I guess we brides all have a vision of who/how many would be there, and have to let that go and realize whether it’s 200 or 30 people, the day is about more than the rsvp’s. Easier said than done, I know! I’m right in the thick of it. Our RSVPs are due in 2 weeks ,we have 40 unaccounted for and like a 65% decline rate so far.  I was hoping for 85 originally, now we’ll have 55-60 guests. Ah well, hopefully someday I’ll look back and be glad it was so intimate. I hope.

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