(Closed) Halfway Expecting My Proposal- Disappointed and Mini-Arguement with BF

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

This is one of those reasons that I shreik at the thought of women being all in the ring purchasing because of stuff like this. A man asking a woman to marry him is near TRAUMATIZING if you ask my fiance. He’s putting it all on the line and yes, he wants it to be on his terms.

You want it to be on his terms too, but do you? His terms, but some of yours too? How is that fair to him? You want him to make it special, and it will be, but not special in the way you think it is and it’s not special (IMO) if you’re EXPECTING it. I really don’t blame him for wanting to take the ring back. He needs to reevaluate and then do it in HIS time, not yours.

Leave him be and let him do his thing and let this be a lesson to all men who are reading. KEEP YOUR ENGAGEMENT PLANS TO YOURSELF!!!! Women don’t know how to be neurotic messes over it. LOL

Post # 4
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I dont necessarily think its bad for the woman to be in on the ring.  I shopped for a month with my Fiance for my ring… went from store to store but he ultimately told me he was just trying to find my style so that in oct-dec when he wanted to propose he would know what i would want.  Instead he went and took a half day off of work and purchased the ring that i absolutely loved.  I knew an engagement was coming but i figured it was 5 months away at the least he ended up popping the question back in june. 

I think you need to just back down and give him the space.  If he knows your expecting the ring, i doubt hes going to do it that day.  Most girls think christmas eve, christmas day, new years eve or new years day would be the time they get engaged… its much more special when your totally clueless and caught off guard.  I loved the fact that i basically picked out my ring and got what i dreamed of and still had a surprise engagement. I do understad your excitement though.  I wish you the best and *fingers crossed* hopefully the engagement happens soon!

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012


Welcome to the bee and Merry Christmas…..

 

A few things jumped out at me in your post:

 

Now, we have discussed that we want a date special to us not on a holiday, but why the wait?

ummmm  because you have discussed that you want a date special to you but not on a holiday.  That actually means he can’t then propose on a holiday…. or, you know, it’s a holiday…. which you have discussed that you don’t want.

 

I want it to be on his terms, but I want it to be special and memorable, with effort put in. 

You clearly don’t want it to be on his terms.  You want it to be on YOUR terms.  Pick.  You can’t have it both ways.

 

I’ve been more than patient but how do I drop this completely, not be a “baby” about it, and not show any disapppointment or start an arguement? I don’t want to be proposed like that.

It’s good that you recognize you may ruin the proposal.  This is quite simple…. you drop it completely.  As in…. don’t mention it.    Completely is not sometimes or when it suits you or when you’ve had enough.  Dropping it completely means you don’t talk about it.  Drop.  It.  Completely.  If you need to talk about it find ONE friend to whom you can vent or only vent here, on the bee.  But NEVER to him or to your family.

 

planning a wedding for summer 2014 on our own terms.

You are already planning a wedding for 2014 and you’re upset about not being engaged.  Why are you planning a wedding if you are upset about being “officially” engaged?  If it stresses you out to be planning a wedding without the official engagement titled (ie – putting the cart before the horse) then STOP planning the wedding.  


we are flying out for his brother’s wedding in California in June, which he claims he wants us to be engaged before we go.

He already said he wants to be engaged before you go to his brother’s wedding in June.  So, don’t say another word until AFTER YOU GET BACK FROM CALIFORNIA.  Not before you leave for the airport.  Not the week before because you are getting antsy.  Not while you have him trapped on the plane.  Don’t way A WORD until from right now until you get back from the wedding.  

THEN……. you “talk”.  You don’t cry.  You don’t nag.  You ask him what his plans are and what he wants.  You see if that fits YOUR plans.  You determine if you believe him.  Then you decide if you want to wait any more.

 

Good Luck

Post # 6
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Sheryl0013:  

When I say be in on the ring, I really mean, shopping, then sitting, then talking and all of that.

When he started talking about rings, he gave me an idea of what he thought was nice. I gave him a completely DIFFERENT idea of what I liked (we were worlds apart). He liked yellow gold, I like white or platinum. He liked marquis cut rings, I like princess cut. I showed him some pictures online, he asked me what size and left it at that. MONTHS later he proposed and we had never had another conversation past that night.

Later on, I found out he had had the ring in his pocket all day trying to figure out when he was going to do it. At the airport? At dinner? Nothing felt right to HIM… ended up being at the house while I was cleaning off the kitchen table…LOL

Post # 8
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@dmk90716:  My fiance didn’t feel that way at all. We picked the ring together; I bought it on my credit card, actually. Gave it to him when it came in and he squirreled it away. When he was going to propose, I knew. He also knew that I would say yes. I’m not sure how they’re ‘putting it all on the line’ with an SO who already picked out the ring; clearly the woman knows you’re going to ask her, she isn’t going to spend the time picking a ring just to say ‘lol jokes I don’t really like you that much’. 

Post # 9
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Peacockfeather:  

No, but he may finally realize she’s a naggy mess and change his mind, too.

Post # 10
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Peacockfeather:  

No, but he may finally realize she’s a naggy mess and change his mind, too.

Post # 13
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I understand exactly how you feel!  We had ring shopped twice together, the drawing I made of the ring came down from the fridge at the end of August and halfway though November still no proposal. I kept saying all of this crazy stuff like, “You know it would make me so happy – why don’t you want me to be happy”  I couldn’t help it!     He said he wanted it to be a surprise.  I said, “It is a surprise.  I’m surprised it hasn’t happened yet”.   When it did happen right before Thanksgiving, I was completely surprised.  I thought I was ready at every moment and it was stressful watching for funny or nervous behavior.  Seeing the ring and having the moment of really? really? right now??? we are engaged!!! was really awesome.  Hang in there!  It will happen and it will be great! 

Post # 15
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Eeeh that’s not very nice of him to threaten to take it back…anyway I would drop it for now and  start telling family something like “oh probably not for awhile…” Because if you tell the “it’s happening soon!” They WILL ask you often. I made my boyfriend nuts about it and had the same extra pressure from others asking if it happened yet while he kept saying “soon.” Well fast forward a year and a half and it hasn’t happened but to be fair we only got serious about it about 8 months ago. Anyway I’ve dropped it and allowed myself to enjoy what we have now and it will come when it comes and if I allow it to be a surprise there’s no room for disappointment. I hope it happens soon for you but it sounds like you should tell him you realize it’s harmful to the relationship and you will not be on ringing it up again. And really stick to that promise. I hope it happens soon for you =]

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