(Closed) Halfway to goal, FI says he can’t see the difference = NO motivation

posted 9 years ago in Fitness
Post # 3
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

Who are you losing the weight for? Are you doing it for yourself? Or are you doing it just for him? It’s very likely that he didn’t notice because he *already* thinks you’re beautiful and look great and can’t see a reason for you to change.

Post # 4
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Here’s the thing, my dear: He DOES look at you. And he looks at you so often, and he loves what he sees SO OFTEN, that noticing five pounds is impossible. The important thing is – YOU FEEL BETTER! You should be so proud of yourself. Weight loss is the hardest thing on earth (Except maybe child birth, haven’t done that yet!) so you’ve accomplished a major goal! Take it from a fat lady here: If you only had ten pounds to lose, I bet that means you have a pretty bangin’ bod as is. Five pounds is a lot, but really, to lose a dress size you almost need to lose 15. What I’m saying is – you notice the loss, but your honey doesn’t see you in the same way that you do (with a critical eye – all women have this too critical eye!). So – the details you’ve noticed are certainly true – but your honey will probably love you just the same as before. So carry on, it’s your body – if you want to lose the weight you should do it for YOU!! I bet you look amazing and don’t beat yourself up because he didn’t notice. Men don’t notice much!! Congrats on your hard work and keep us posted – I myself have FIFTY pounds to lose (sounds awful, right?!)

Post # 5
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

heh, sorry that I had to giggle just a little but, that’s men for you! They don’t notice the details, they really don’t! It’s just how they are (mostly anyway). Don’t be discouraged because he doesn’t notice. If it makes you feel better about yourself, that’s great! I’m sure women would notice. Really, we’re our own worst critic and our flaws just aren’t visible to people besides ourselves. I’ve gained a few pounds since moving in with Mr. Joe, but he claims he doesn’t notice, though I sure do!

Post # 6
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor

Don’t be discouraged! I don’t think it’s that he never looks at you, it’s that he looks at you too much! When you see someone all the time it’s hard to notice differences, Mr.D couldnt’ really tell the difference after I lost 15 pounds! The past two months I’ve been losing inches like crazy but all he knows is that I “look good”, he can’t see how much I’ve changed b/c he sees me too often for it to be a difference. 

However, my officiant? I saw her 3 weeks ago and when I saw her the other day she noticed the changes immediately! Don’t be discouraged, I triple swearsies it’s because he sees you too often to notice the changes as they happen.  He’s comparing you today to you yesterday when there isn’t much a difference, vs comparing you to where you began working out from.  Good luck and keep at it!

Post # 7
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I agree with the other posters, he just sees you too much. Plus, it’s be like scientifically proven that women are more detail orientated than men lol.

I promise, there will be a moment he does notice, without you even having to say anything where the light bulb flips ona nd he goes “Damn you look good!”

Just don’t hold out for him to notice the inches and pounds specifically, he will see the big picture. 

Post # 9
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Soon2BeMrsC – Boys will be boys! They don’t ever notice the details! Don’t let his last of noticing derail your awesome motivation! 5 pounds is awesome! Half-way to your goal! WOO!!! Go you!

Post # 10
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

5 lbs is fantastic! I was so psyched when I knocked off 5 lbs (and Fiance didn’t notice at that point). In fact I did a blog post about losing weight 9http://crosscountrywed.blogspot.com/2009/08/i-hate-you-jillian.html) and Fiance said that he thought I was being misleading. I was like “why? You dont think I lost that weight” and he said it wasn’t that i don’t think you did because you still look 150 lbs but because I don’t think you were 150 to begin with. Men.

Also – keep in mind your shape and frame. All women carry weight differently 10 lbs on one person can look like nothing!

Post # 11
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with the others. You need to focus on how it makes YOU feel! I am going through the same thing — I’ve lost 5 of 10 and have only 5 weeks til my second dress fitting (and less than 11 weeks til the wedding). Your fiance is probably like mine and thinks we’re beautiful as is. They see us everyday and don’t see the gradual changes. Mine doesn’t ‘get’ my desperate need to lose a few pounds before the wedding. What it comes down to is MY confidence. Others may or may not see my 10 lb loss, but me feeling better and more confident is something I’m sure everyone will see. I want to know I’m ‘the best me’ on that day.

Post # 12
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

5lbs is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!

And remember that he sees you EVERYDAY so it hard for him to notice and he LOVES what he sees so he is not looking for the changes the way you are!

When I lost 20lbs my Fiance didn’t notice visually but one day in bed he wrapped his arms around me and said there is less of me to hug – they notice things differently thats all!

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

firstly congratulations – halfway there is a wonderful achievement!!!! 

now…  look for other signs, an outfit or pair of jeans that might feel a little bit looser is usually the best thing to look for.  men aint the smartest creatures on the planet you gotta admit 🙂

5lbs is wonderful so keep going! 

 

Post # 14
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

MEN! SIGH.

MY Darling Husband didn’t notice when I weighed 10 pounds more versus less. Trust me, they don’t analyze our booties NEAR as much as we do in the gym. 5 pounds is a small amount to notice, but I bet at the 10 pound mark he goes “oh, yeah, you DO look like you’ve lost weight!” So just ignore him. I bet he doesn’t notice when your hair gets trimmed, too, right? THey just don’t notice these things, don’t let it get you down

Post # 15
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree with all of the other bees!  It’s really hard to see a 5 lbs difference when your Fiance sees you everyday.  The most important thing is that you feel good and that you like the way you look. 

I’m sure you look fantastic!  Good luck and keep up the hard work!

Post # 16
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i agree EJ, i lost 100lbs and when i look at the before picture i say to hubby “why didnt you say anything” and he answers ‘i didnt see it when i was looking at you’.  

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