(Closed) handing out your wedding invitations at someone else’s shower?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

not cool.  just tell her no.  you’ve let her share enough already.  i would just tell her to mail them or do it another time.  it might be okay if she does it discretely or at then end or something but from your other posts i doubt that’s how it will go.

Post # 18
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think she is being very disrespectful.

I also think it is rude to hand out invitations in front of other people who will not be invited.

I would ask her to please NOT hand out the invitations at my shower.

Post # 19
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Wow this girl is a real piece of work isn’t she? I guess I don’t know whom all you are inviting but obviously she probably knows most if not all of your guests. What if she hurts someone’s feelings by handing these out in front of other guests. What if someone was expecting to be invited to her wedding and now is CLEARLY not invited? That would be unwanted drama for my shower. I’de tell this girl to get real and send them in the mail like etiquette says. Just give her a couple of BS reasons why she can’t be doing such tacky things. No one wants to be the tacky bride 🙂

Post # 20
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Totally annoying.  I would probably just look the other way when she handed them out though because I’m not one for confrontation.  If it really bothered you, I would ask your Maid/Matron of Honor to say something.  How rude she is.  As for the ring pillow, I would tell her not to rely on it because you don’t know where everything will be and it would probably just be better if she got her own. 

Post # 21
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think she should be sending them out in the mail but I also think you’re over-reacting too.  You obviously have some mutual friends and I see no probs with her handing them out at the end of your shower. 

Post # 22
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

No way are you out of line SHE IS… well again.  She sounds clueless … maybe you should point out that these need to be mailed out not handed out like favors.  It’s rude to hand them out to some people and not all on top of it. 

Post # 23
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

TELL HER SHE IS NOT TO BRING THOSE INVITES! thats SO rude! I would be pisseddddd if someone took the spotlight away fom me. thats no ok at all. I really hope you tell her to back off and keep your events seperate! Good luck!

Post # 24
Member
6391 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think if you guys didn’t have this history, it would be perfectly fine for her to hand them out. But good God, can’t she leave you one wedding-related event non-hijacked? Try asking one of your BMs to ask her to wait until the shower is over. If you’re comfortable with it, I would also ask the BMs to quickly slip the invites into their purses so they don’t have to gush over her invites at your shower. Sorry she’s being such a jerk :(.

Post # 25
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If she feels she needs to hand them out at your shower, she needs to do it after most of the shower activities are done or as people are leaving.  She shouldn’t be doing it in the first place, but I would pull her aside and tell her that if she is going to do that, that it needs to be done after YOU are done with YOUR shower. I would not want people sitting and talking about her wedding during my event and I think she should either do it that way or not do it at all.  I hope that helps!

Post # 26
Member
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
@MsBrooklynA: Yep. That is why you’re supposed to mail invitations or at least deliver them privately.

Post # 28
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Who even thinks of doing this?!  It makes absolutely no sense in my opinion.  I seriously doubt every single person at your shower would be invited to her wedding, so why would she put herself in a potentially awkward situation!  Good luck to you, I would probably re-consider my friendship with someone so out of it.

Post # 29
Member
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
@frustrated: I would say give her a call and ask her politely not to give out her invitations at your shower. If she insists that she has to give them out at your shower than “compromise” with her by saying she can give them out after your shower is done.

Post # 30
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I didn’t read the whole thread, but I’d say absolutely NO to the pillow. That was a gift from your Mom and you certainly don’t need to share it.

As far as the invites go, its TACKY to be sure. But, I don’t think you should tell her she can’t do it. Although I agree with you that she shouldn’t, I think no matter what you say, you are going to look like a Bridezilla. I guess you could ask her to not do it, but I don’t think you can really insist. You should have a good reason why you don’t want her to, other than because it is your day. AGain, I agree it is in bad taste, but it’s a tough situation because it will be too easy for you to end up looking bad.

ICK!

Post # 31
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would just let her know that you wouldn’t appreciate her bringing the invites.  If she does, than she does.  You can address it after it happens, but if you don’t let her know it will bother you, she won’t know.  Some people just don’t think about the consequences of their behavior.

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