Handling extreme stress during pregnancy (success stories?)

posted 1 year ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
29 posts
Newbee

Hi bee! 

My best friend’s mom was diagnosed with cancer and passed away a month and a half later, when my friend was five and a half months pregnant. Her and her mom’s relationship was incredibly close, and she had to take over caring for her sister (who was graduating high school that same week) and her dad (who lost his high school sweetheart). Needless to say it was a rough time. 

She developed a close relationship with her doctor and expressed that it was very reassuring not only to have someone to confide it, but a medical professional that can verify her baby’s good health despite the grief and stress she felt. To keep her mind occupied, she focused her energy into her awaiting baby. The nursery was immaculate, and she did a lot research on things that were important to her as a mom, like sleep training and extended breastfeeding. She ended up giving birth to a perfectly healthy little girl.

I wish you and your family strength and peace through this difficult time. Hugs! 

Post # 17
Member
452 posts
Helper bee

So sorry. 

With my first I was so depressed. I didn’t know I was pregnant and decided to jump out of a moving car. Ended up in the hospital for a week but my baby was fine. Pregnancy was fine. He’s 9 now. Healthy and oh so smart. 

With my second I was in an abusive relationship. When I was seven months my mother died. And at the same time, my bf left me. I was all alone with a preschooler and trying to be okay after two major life events (my mom and my bf no longer being there) seriously depressed. I cried everyday for 6 months. Pregnancy remained fine and she’s now a 5 yr old beautiful smart girl. 

Post # 18
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee

sparklesbelle :  You’re very welcome. I would recommend getting signed up and starting immediately. You can do in person classes (if someone is close by instructing) or online study. I’m doing the in person courses (there are six and start from about 28-32 weeks). Once you’re signed up, you have access to one of my particularly favorite hypnosis tracks in the course “Your Special, Safe Place”. I listen to that probably 4 times a week. I think it would be really wonderful for you because it not only is about 30 minutes that you set aside to connect with your baby, but it helps you to build a safe mental space through guided imagery that you can ‘visit’ anytime you’re stressed or worried generally, or just want to ‘spend some time’ with baby. My ‘space’ is actually how I envision my front yard once all the landscaping and plants have matured- rather like a secret cottage garden. I’ve concentrated on the flowers and colors and smells that will be there (lavender, lilac, rose, honeysuckle) and then when I do my hypnosis training, I put on a diffuser with lavender or/and rose essential oils to augment that mental association with my safe space during my other listening tracks. I’ve also got lotion and room spray at work in lavender/rose…so anytime I’m feeling stressed out at work, or a little negative for whatever reason, I just take a deliberate sniff and focus on the positives- healthy baby, pregnancy, self-care, loving family. I’m so much calmer and more positive these days…it helps me to manage the massive emotional swings that come with the hormones of pregnancy. 

If you’re doing the in person class, normally the instructor would give you your positive affirmations track when you start your course (at 28 weeks or so). I would ask for that right away too, so you can listen to it and build your confidence for pregnancy and birthing. 

Finally, do you have a spouse or trusted friend that would support you 100% in this? You can do the program alone very successfully, but I’ve found that my spouse and I are SO much closerand in sync by doing this process. I’ve gotten to hear his thoughts and beliefs about childbirth, pregnancy, and we’re communicating much better. I think the tendency is for soon to be parents to get wrapped up in things like all the gear, prepping the baby’s space, and all the logistics of adding a baby and the emotional bond suffers. You’re really going to benefit from having someone there with you 100%. 

Post # 19
Member
2487 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m indescribably touched to be reading about this community of women who have been able to endure and survive such hardship.

When it was I, I would dwell constantly on the pregnancies and early days of motherhood in my circle of friends, thinking how horribly unfair it was that I alone had this wonderful baby and at the same time, had suffered an unspeakable loss.

I would have done better, I’m sure, if I’d been able to take part in a group of women who’d experienced a loss similar to mine, but I never learned of anyone who’d experienced such a situation, except me.

Even after decades, I extend to you all my deepest and most sincere regret that you have suffered, in what should have been the dearest and brightest days of your lives. Although I have, through time, reconciled myself to the loss of the person who was and still is, the dearest and closest person I ever knew, having shared something with you all that I never knew could be possible, has touched and strengthened a broken place. Thank you ALL.

Post # 20
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Barrister bee here. PP mentioned not going to the trial if you don’t have to. If you do/feel you do, it might be nice to know a bit more about the trial process and what to expect. Prosecutors often don’t have time to really prep witnesses and families, but most criminal lawyers (at least in my jurisdiction) are willing to provide independant legal advice about how the criminal justice system works. It won’t alleviate all the stress, but it might help. 

I’d start with the Prosecutor’s office, if you can. If they can’t give you enough information, you can call any criminal lawyer (not already on the case), explain your role in the proceeding and ask if they can explain the system to you. 

Best of luck, Bee!

Post # 21
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I recommend prenatal yoga.

Post # 22
Member
7002 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wish there was one magic piece of advice but honestly it’s just taking it day by day and allowing yourself time to relax.

Prior to getting pregnant with my baby, I’d had an ectopic and miscarriage. That made my pregnancy so nerve wracking and it was very very hard to be happy or at ease. I don’t think I got to enjoy the first half of it because I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was very stressed.

Prior to getting pregnant we bought a new lot in our dream neighborhood, and at 11w sold our house before it ever went on the market. Darling Husband and I moved a 2500sqft house by ourselves into storage. We moved into a temporary furnished (vacation) rental – slated to be in our new house basically right around my due date. That’s until our builder came in during our contract meeting $100K+ OVER budget after repeatedly telling us we were good to go to build our plans within the budget we gave him and our wishlist. I legit cried in our builders office. We had to step back and start at square one to find a new builder and make adjustments to our plans. We also had to deal with finding a new rental because it was clear we weren’t going to be in our new house by the time vacation season started up.

Two weeks before Christmas our dog died, and a week later (25ish weeks) we moved into a new rental. A week later (New Years Day) we moved into another rental because I was NOT happy in the other place.

The cherry on top is that my Darling Husband travels for work internationally, so he was gone most of the time until about 3 weeks before my due date – which is good because our baby came 10 days early.

I think every curveball life could have thrown at us, it did. I was so stressed the whole time. We’re still in a rental and haven’t started contruction on our new house. The running joke is that our baby is going to celebrate his first birthday in this rental. It’s been fine for a while but each day I get more and more anxious. It’s a nice place but it’s not our home – and I’m just ready to be settled again.

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