(Closed) Handling Family Drama at Wedding

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I disagree with your mom as this is your wedding which is your business. Your Future Mother-In-Law calling the police will impact you and your Fiance. Since you have a good relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law, I would just bring up that you understand how she feels about her sister, but that her son is close with his aunt and it is wrong to impose her feelings about her sister on him. This is his and your special day and you will do everything to ensure that her and her sister remain separate from one another so that they can enjoy themselves.

Post # 3
Member
17 posts
Newbee

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everythingpink :  If your fiancé wants her there that’s what matters. Future Mother-In-Law needs to act like an adult. Have future hubby talk to her. When it comes down to it, Future Mother-In-Law sounds like she is the  powder keg who should be told not to come if she’s can’t remain cordial. I have a similar situation for me wedding. So fingers crossed for the both of us HA

Post # 5
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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everythingpink :  Is your Future Mother-In-Law still married?  If she is, I would talk to Future Father-In-Law first and see how bad the problem is and inlist his help (if possible). After you find where Future Father-In-Law stands, call a family meeting with Future Mother-In-Law.  Honestly, I would tell her if she calls the police and causes a disturbance, she will be the one asked to leave.  If your wedding is big enough (100+ people) there is no reason the two need to talk.

Also, don’t do a receiving line that involves FMIL/family. 

Post # 8
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Yeah your Fiance needs to talk to her – not you. He needs to tell her to stop being a fucking child. His aunt is excited and willing to be civil. If she can’t do the same, I would threaten to throw HER out rather than the aunt doing nothing.

Why adults cant be adults for a few hours on someone elses day is so beyond me!

Post # 10
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Let’s be clear here, the person who calls the cops on the invited guest who’s just innocently sipping a drink and dancing is the one who ruins the wedding, all past drama aside. I’d make it clear that by calling the cops, she would be crossing a fairly unforgivable line 

 

Post # 12
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

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everythingpink :  So she’ll call the police and then…what? “I hate my sister and she’s breathing my air, arrest her”? They both sound awful.

Assuming there are not more serious issues at the root of this dysfunction and that the presence of one would not compromise the other’s safety or mental health, your wedding is not the time for these women to engage in a power struggle. “Don’t get along” is not a good enough reason to exclude someone in this context. Your Fiance needs to make it clear to his mom that both of them will be invited and it is up to them to keep their respective shit together and behave like grown ups. If they claim they can’t promise anything or threaten not to come, call their bluff and tell them you understand if they need to stay home.

Post # 14
Member
5780 posts
Bee Keeper

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Speck_ :  ITA

Unless there are extenuating circumstances of abuse/violence/racism/homophobia etc- truly serious issues that would interfere with the safety and well being of other guests, then I really really hate the childish, selfish, drama-seeking I’m not coming if she’s coming mantra. Grown adults should be able to suck up differences and petty feuds and long-held grudges enough to be decent and civil during someone else’s event. Unless there’s a big chunk of serious back story we’re missing, Future Mother-In-Law is being really immature by foisting this drama on her son and his bride-to-be. She should be more sensitive to the fact that she’s creating stress and unhappiness by threatening to have her own feud with his aunt to spill over into the wedding unless she can coerce you to shun the aunt altogether.

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