Post # 1
I love my sister, and she is my maid of honor. I need some advice on how to blow off her negative comments. I will tell her my ideas for the decor, cake, rings, etc and she always has this way of making me feel like I’m not making the right decisions. I know that I should just blow off her opinions, and that she in entitled to them, but deep down it eats at me. I showed her my dream wedding band and her response was "Oh really? You like THAT?" It bothers me because I feel like she is dissing my taste.
Has anyone else dealt with people like this in their life, and if so, how did you deal with it, push it aside and not let it bother you?
Thanks so much!
Post # 3
You’re on the right track, SGH =) Ignore the comments and don’t let it bother you!
Obviously that’s easier said than done, so why not just stop showing her stuff? Aside from what she needs to know, why not just go ahead with what you like, and show the pictures to other people that will appreciate them?
Post # 4
My mom! My mom is one of those people that will always find the negative, always go against my wishes, because in the end she likes to be the one who says "I told you so" if it goes wrong. If it all goes well, she will just smile and then FINALLY give me my kudos. She went with my moh and I to look at bm dresses and she was being so negative that it was embarrassing — finally infront of everyone in the store I grabbed my moms face in my hands — one cheek in each palm, made her look at me and said, "I can’t do this. I can’t handle all the negativity. I NEED you to be positive, I NEED you to be on my side, if you can’t do that then you are not going to be a part of the decision making, but I love you and I want you to be there — so please stick to positive comments." I was crying. I think she was shocked at first, but she has been really great to be around ever since. I don’t think she knew what she was doing to me. Now, if she really has the urge to say something negative she prefaces it with, "I know you probably have your mind made up, but have you thought of it this way…" and it has worked! She actually has influenced some of my decisions by using this approach.
I think being direct is the best way to go because people often don’t realize what they are doing and how it makes others feel.
Post # 5
Thank you so much ladies, for the advice. You are right peihan-I just need to tell her what she needs to know. Unfortunately, if I tell her to stop or confront her, she has this way of turning things back around on me and a big blowout usually ensues. That is why I just quietly keep it inside.
I will blow it off, but if it comes down to it, I might have to have that not-so-nice conversation! Ug!!!
Post # 6
i had a very similiar response from my mom of all people! my fiance told me to stop sharing. i couldnt imagine how i wouldnt talk to my mom about my wedding….but he was right…it worked! now that i’m a lot further in the process, i share small stuff with her. and now, she’s learned that by belittling my ideas she gets shut out the process, so she’s a lot better at being supportive now.
Post # 7
Well, yes, you really need to have that conversation. My experience is a lot like caliocteach’s – my mom is also really negative. After the first wedding dress shopping experience (before which we had an invitation experience, and a bouquet experience) I finally told her that while I really valued her opinion, I really needed her to voice it less negatively or not at all. And I told her that if I had to simply make the decisions myself, without her input, I would. I also don’t think that she really had thought about how she was saying things, or how it made me feel – and she has been much, much better ever since.
I would guess that your sister is the same way – just has a tendency to be negative and isn’t really trying to rain on your parade. But she’s not going to change unless you say something.
Post # 8
My sister is one of my maids of honor and although she is super happy for me has expressed her jealousy and frustrated feelings that it brings up in her own life – this in turn made her very difficult for me to talk to. not because she was negative but because she makes me feel like she really doesn’t want to talk or care about the details. SO – I asked my best friend to be my 2nd maid of honor. This has helped greatly because my sister is there for all of the family drama and my friend is there for all of the detail help!