(Closed) Handling the sister/maid of honor

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

You’re on the right track, SGH =)  Ignore the comments and don’t let it bother you!

Obviously that’s easier said than done, so why not just stop showing her stuff?  Aside from what she needs to know, why not just go ahead with what you like, and show the pictures to other people that will appreciate them?

Post # 4
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

My mom!  My mom is one of those people that will always find the negative, always go against my wishes, because in the end she likes to be the one who says "I told you so" if it goes wrong.  If it all goes well, she will just smile and then FINALLY give me my kudos.  She went with my moh and I to look at bm dresses and she was being so negative that it was embarrassing — finally infront of everyone in the store I grabbed my moms face in my hands — one cheek in each palm, made her look at me and said, "I can’t do this.  I can’t handle all the negativity. I NEED you to be positive, I NEED you to be on my side, if you can’t do that then you are not going to be a part of the decision making, but I love you and I want you to be there — so please stick to positive comments."  I was crying. I think she was shocked at first, but she has been really great to be around ever since.  I don’t think she knew what she was doing to me. Now, if she really has the urge to say something negative she prefaces it with, "I know you probably have your mind made up, but have you thought of it this way…" and it has worked!  She actually has influenced some of my decisions by using this approach.

I think being direct is the best way to go because people often don’t realize what they are doing and how it makes others feel.

Post # 6
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

i had a very similiar response from my mom of all people! my fiance told me to stop sharing. i couldnt imagine how i wouldnt talk to my mom about my wedding….but he was right…it worked! now that i’m a lot further in the process, i share small stuff with her. and now, she’s learned that by belittling my ideas she gets shut out the process, so she’s a lot better at being supportive now.

Post # 7
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Well, yes, you really need to have that conversation.  My experience is a lot like caliocteach’s – my mom is also really negative.  After the first wedding dress shopping experience (before which we had an invitation experience, and a bouquet experience) I finally told her that while I really valued her opinion, I really needed her to voice it less negatively or not at all.  And I told her that if I had to simply make the decisions myself, without her input, I would.  I also don’t think that she really had thought about how she was saying things, or how it made me feel – and she has been much, much better ever since. 

I would guess that your sister is the same way – just has a tendency to be negative and isn’t really trying to rain on your parade.  But she’s not going to change unless you say something. 

Post # 8
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

My sister is one of my maids of honor and although she is super happy for me has expressed her jealousy and frustrated feelings that it brings up in her own life – this in turn made her very difficult for me to talk to. not because she was negative but because she makes me feel like she really doesn’t want to talk or care about the details. SO – I asked my best friend to be my 2nd maid of honor. This has helped greatly because my sister is there for all of the family drama and my friend is there for all of the detail help!

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