Hanging out alone with the opposite sex at their apartment or house?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What's your opinion on this? Choose all that apply.
    It's inappropriate under any circumstances. : (34 votes)
    16 %
    It's inappropriate only if the two in question have had sex before. : (23 votes)
    11 %
    It's ok regardless of the previous nature of the friendship. : (16 votes)
    7 %
    It's ok here and there but shouldn't be a regular thing with the same person. : (33 votes)
    15 %
    It's ok only if both parties are in a relationship. : (3 votes)
    1 %
    If you trust your partner, you should be ok with any scenario. : (61 votes)
    28 %
    It's not ok to hangout alone w/ the opposite sex anywhere, esp at their house or apt. : (16 votes)
    7 %
    I would break up with my spouse if they did that. : (3 votes)
    1 %
    I wouldn't break up with them but it sure as hell wouldn't happen again. : (28 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    6880 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    View original reply
    cyntolbert : “But once I started dating I turned to my boyfriend for all the guy stuff and advice.”

    I wasn’t aware that all men have the exact some knowledge and information about which to give out advice. That’s also why I only have one female friend. Because people aren’t individuals and one of each sex should be plenty. 

    What about bisexuals? They’re not allowed any friends at all?

    Everyone has their boundaries and limits but to say “NO!! Period point blank” is utterly ridiculous. Life is not so black and white as you’re making it out to be. What if my male best friend is horrible mauled in some sort of accident and loses his penis. Are we allowed to hang out then?

    Post # 47
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee

    If I see a man walking down the street, out of respect to my husband I cross to the opposite side lest he [the man, not my husband] should trip and fall into my vagina, penis-first.  

    Post # 48
    Member
    10221 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    View original reply
    hampsterdance :  Well, as you know you’re an emotional creature. You might develop feelings for that man should he bless you when you sneeze and then you would be at the mercy of his animal instincts that drive him to nuture and mate with all females.

    Better not to tempt fate!

    Post # 49
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee

    <div align=”left”>

    here’s what countingstars says :

    ” I used to go hang out with a friend of mine all the time at his place alone after he would get home from work around 9:30 pm. We had drunken sex one time a couple months ago but aside from that one experience, we are just friends. “

    </div>

    Post # 50
    Member
    2327 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    View original reply
    anni57 :  Yeah I think we can read thanks…

    Obviously OP’s situation is a little different to the traditional question

    Post # 51
    Member
    1191 posts
    Bumble bee

    Now that I’m engaged, I enjoy chatting to men in social situations and at work etc, but not really outside of that. I mean, I don’t have time to be honest. And why would I want to? xo

    Post # 52
    Member
    2723 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    llevinso :  exactly! It’s too complex and subjective to give a blanket rule for all friendships/relationships

    I’m bisexual so by some people’s logic I shouldn’t be allowed to have any friends at all. 

    Ultimately it’s something that needs to be sorted out with the person you’re actually dating. I do think this particular situation would be tricky for most people to deal with – only hanging out at night at home alone, and having had sex during one of these hang outs in the past – but people have different comfort levels. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    290 posts
    Helper bee

    Some of these responses have me crying with laughter. laughing

    I think it makes sense to realize that every couple has their own rules for their relationship. I don’t understand the point of looking down on others just because they manage their relationships differently. 

    My husband would not be comfortable with me having a male friend if we had a previous romantic history or I just met that man and started a new friendship. Old friends are fine. He also wouldn’t care if a male friend was gay. I wouldn’t mind if my husband had a female friend as long as he knew her for years and she respected our marriage. Both of us agree that if an opposite sex friend caused any issues in our marriage then they would have to go. 

    I don’t have any male friends in real life. I drifted apart from them when we relocated from the city we lived in. I have some male friends whom I met in Facebook groups but my husband is aware of those men. My husband doesn’t care about online friendships as long as there are no inappropriate conversations. 

    Post # 55
    Member
    534 posts
    Busy bee

    countingstars:
    Seems rather fair, TBH. He isn’t being controlling and outright demanding that you stop meeting this friend, but is being honest with you about his feelings and his misgivings, since he is not familiar with the dynamics of your relationship. I guess there is no blanket rule on what to do since everyone handles their relationships differently. Glad you had this discussion and good luck!

    Post # 56
    Member
    1249 posts
    Bumble bee

    my feeling is: hang out with who you like, how you like and conduct yourself in a manner that rewards the trust of your partner.

    i think if you can only trust your SO to behave in certain circumstances, your relationship has a problem. i don’t put myself in a position where i could be tempted to misbehave and i expect the same display of good judgement from my husband. if something specific is making either of us uncomfortable it is obviously up for discussion, but there are no blanket bans in place.

    Post # 57
    Member
    2723 posts
    Sugar bee

    It’s good you talked to him about it! It’s the only way to really guage what’s appropriate for the two of you. But I do get wanting to get an idea of how other people deal with it and draw boundaries.

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