(Closed) Happily Ever After?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: How would you newlyweds describe your marriage since being married?
    Could not be happier!! Living the fairy tale ending!! : (36 votes)
    40 %
    Things are the same as they were before we got married, nothing new. : (47 votes)
    53 %
    It's a nightmare, everything has gotten worse. Anything that was good is gone. : (6 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m not sure the dust has actually had time to settle yet, but so far it’s the same ole same ole.  I did get a kick out of telling the insurance agent that “my husband would be home” though!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Well, we fought in the beginning of our relationship, but once we started wedding planning everything was good.  The first couple of months of our marriage weren’t “rough” but they weren’t super happy.  Now we’ve finally figured out how to make things work.  A couple friends of ours gave us some awesome relationship books as a wedding gift and we both read them all the time.  I think it’s helped us to understand each other better.  We’re both pretty stubborn but have learned to let go of the little things now and concentrate on making each other happy.  I can’t honestly remember the last time we even had an argument.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1175 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    We’ve been married and living together for a year (celebrating our 1st anniversary on Monday!) and I can honestly say this first year has been “happily ever after.”  That’s not to say that we didn’t have a few minor disagreements/miscommunications and some adjusting pains to get used to living together, but on the whole it has been AMAZING.  I hope we can still be as much in love in 20 years as we are now.

    Post # 6
    Member
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    It’s pretty fairy-tale-ish for us right now.  We were fighting like cats and dogs up until 2 days before the wedding and now that that stress is all gone, it’s awesome πŸ™‚

    Post # 7
    Member
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @bells219:  we had our fair share of blow outs over wedding planning too!

    Post # 8
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I would say things have been the same, getting married had no effect on the way we feel about each other.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5657 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Everything is going great!

    I selected the everything is pretty much the same option in your poll, but really while in most ways things are the same, in other ways things are more awesome! πŸ™‚

    Post # 11
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    It’s all good in the hood πŸ™‚  We were good before and we’re even better now.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @jadefrog154:  We read “The Love Dare” and watched “Fireproof.”  I don’t think I’ve ever seen Darling Husband cry but we were both sobbing during it.  Our favorite though is “Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti.”  It talks about how men compartmentalize and women can go off on 100 topics at once and keep them straight thus overwhelming the men.  

    One of my favorite sayings in the book is “Men should treat all women with respect but only treat their wives with interest.” DH reads it more than I do (I actually think it’s in his bathroom) and always says “Yep that’s exactly how women are and now I know why!”  It is a semi-religious book (references to God and the Bible) and Darling Husband wasn’t exposed to that growing up but he still enjoys it.  I seriously recommend it to everyone!!! 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1249 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @jadefrog154:  It got WAY worse.  Horrible, even nightmare-ish at times.  I feel like I’m more insecure than I used to be.  I feel like, with every fight, my heart is ripped into shreds, and it does not have time to heal before the next fight.  Honestly, I don’t even recognize myself anymore.  I’m miserable and sad most days.  This is NOT ME. 

    One of the main problems is that Darling Husband doesn’t fight fairly.  My feelings are always stupid and irrational, unless I can prove to him that they aren’t.  I have to argue “logically” that my feelings are valid, like I’m in a court room or something.  I offer compromise, but Darling Husband does not compromise easily.  He’s too stubborn.  Counseling isn’t helping, either.

    For example, last night was his mom’s birthday.  He didn’t get her a present, so I suggested let’s get her a nice card and a potted plant from Trader Joe’s.  This wasn’t good enough for him.  He started rummaging through my thrift store finds, and found a music box that was dirty, sticky, and did not have a photo where a photo was supposed to slide in.  He wanted to give it to his mom, and wrapped it up in crumpled butcher paper.  He was going to give it to her just like that.

    I was pleading, “Look, I’ll give her one of my vases, just not that!  It’s not ready to give away!”  I told him that a gift is a reflection of the giver, and the music box was just not ready!!  He insisted that this was what he wanted to give her, and he told me my feelings [regarding gifts being a reflection of the giver] were irrational and stupid.

    I had offered other options, like a cake stand, or a vase, both of which were ready to be given.  I thought the plant and a card was lovely.  And obviously, if his mom’s birthday was THAT important, he should have figured out a gift sooner than two hours before we were supposed to be there!  I did not want to give away something that needed restoring before it was appropriate for a gift.  So I gave him an ultimatum.  I said, “Either I don’t go, or we don’t take the music box.” 

    So we went without the music box.  We got a little rose bush.  Mother-In-Law loved it.  And my heart was bruised just a little bit more.  Because my feelings are not stupid or irrational. 

    Sorry for the very long reply – I have wanted to get this out there, but I’m tired of complaining to my bestie.  She hears about this stuff all the time.  Don’t want to wear her out. πŸ™‚

    Post # 15
    Member
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @texasbee:  Please share any good book suggestions you may have… I love reading

    Post # 16
    Member
    5670 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    My husband is in no way perfect but I never doubt why I married him. He is the same exact man before we got married. I find a lot of people think the flaws will disappear. I didn’t marry him because he is neat or organized, I married him because of how much I love him and what a great support system he is and also a hard worker who will always take care of his family. These things just become clearer every day.

    @cubicalmouse- Do you think it might be better to be in charge of all of the gift buying? I do all of the gift buying for both of our families and I know if it were up to Darling Husband we would be fighting because he never bothered to get anyone anything. There are just somethings you might be better at than him and vice versa.

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